Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Be it the malignant, classic, covert, overt, somatic, cereal, vulnerable. Narcissistic abuse is a hiddious form of mental and with some physical violence, any scars you carry they will rip wide open, they begin as your hero, and your dreams come true, to end up becoming your biggest enemy and worst nightmare.
Everything they do is to meet the needs of their own, and they are a leech, a parasite, a virus that infects your whole life. They live by the seven deadly sins.
- pride, excessive belief in themselves.
- envy, and jealousy of all others.
- gluttony, to have more than they need.
- lust, constantly craving for more.
- anger, they can not accept love and always resort to anger in the end.
- greed, material possessions most often other peoples, not always.
- sloth, most are rather lazy and do the bare minimum to meet their never-ending wants and needs.
As they manipulate others from the love bombing, devaluation, discard and then the hoover, with pity plays, silent treatments, gaslighting, projection, threats, making us feel insecure and crazy. It takes time for good-hearted people, who care and are kind to others to see what’s truly happening due to the narcissists cruel and sometimes calculated games, by then we have to recover from not only the reality of the abuse that truly happened, also trauma bonding, anxiety, CPTSD, financial ruin and mental/ physical illnesses.
Six ways they infect our lives.
- They invade all your relationship, they not only swoop in and sweep you off your feet, but they also do the same with all you’re friends and family, happy to go out with friends and family events at the start, then slowly any outings or special occasions are ruined. Often leaving you in depths of despair And looking unhinged. They pick your friends and family off one by one, isolating you from support, and with some they will shift your friends and family loyalty away from you, and onto the narcissist, they are a virus that infects your relationship with others, through triangulate, making you look crazy, or merely getting you to walk on eggshells conform to their demands and fear going out.
- They invade your social media and inboxes, In the beginning, it’s full of loving sentimental messages, on our social media or personal messages, they slowly creep in the devaluation, usually social media to further their games, they might slowly stop leaving those sentimental remarks, and then out of nowhere where comes that complete silence, then out of the blue they are back, playing nice, posting again, whilst blaming you for being insecure if you ask them, while you can not catch your breath, you can not listen to your own thoughts, often taking on theirs and believing you are at fault, then comes the threats, the criticism, the put-downs, as they circle around their social media games, all to keep us more confused.
- They take any and all your resources, some without care, others with pity plays, threats, blame-shifting, making you feel guilty, or sinking your mental health so you become dependent on them. Most move into your home, don’t pay the bills, eat your food, to them simply what’s yours is theirs, and what’s theirs is their own. They spend your money, try to take your home, some will vandalise your property, again blaming you. A lot will walk out and leave you with nothing, empty on the inside as well as the outside, slowly manipulating everything you once had away from you. Some will try to get you to sell up and move you miles away, leaving you isolated.
- They are viruses and infect your heart, mind and soul, not only are they a leech in your home, they’re also a leach draining you through manipulation slowly over time, from songs they play you, to words they say to you, so you no longer know who you are, from the love bombing and always being at your side in the start, to the sudden disappearing acts, leaving you wondering what you did wrong, planting seeds of self-doubt in your mind not only with their actions also their words. From “you’re too sensitive.” And “That never happened.” To ” You’ll never find someone like me.” And ” Who’d want you, you’re crazy. Your subconscious is slowly programmed over time to grow those seeds into your own thoughts. You are slowly losing your self-worth.
- They take over your emotional health, like a virus slowly taking over and swooping in for the kill, the love-bombing where they get all the positives attention and emotions from you, joy, happiness, wanting to please and love them any way you can. Your praise to them and about them, to devaluation where they’ll happily make you cry, they’ll sit and watch you cry, or walk out on you, then they’ll blame it all on you, leaving you hurt and confused, even the discard is done each and every time with no closure leaving you hurt and confused, the hoover when they come to ’rescue’ you. Then when you finally wake up and see them for all they are, they use any and all your weaknesses against you, cutting you wide open for more emotional torture.
- Your hopes and dream. At the start they pretend to love all that you do, false promises to fulfil all those dreams with your soul mate, then during devaluation, they slowly take all your dreams, hobbies, passions and hopes away from you. After discard, most are left with nothing, an empty shell of your former self, full of fear and anxiety to get up and go again.
- Your trust, the extent of the manipulation and lies they do to you, you lose your self-trust and your trust in others. Questioning and over analysing everything, and others motive towards you, including your own. In a state of hypervigilance throughout the devaluation and after the discard with all the games, they throw your way.
You can, and you will recover from this.
- Safely get away from the narcissist, removing the source of the pain and confusion from your life. No contact or grey rock.
- Set up your boundaries, block them and any flying monkeys. Learn a million ways to say no and stick to your no.
- Learn about narcissist personality disorder, put reality back together, forgive yourself for things you didn’t know. Any reactions you have, learn to tune into your instincts that your mind and heart chose to ignore.
- Start filling your human needs for love and connection. Certainly, significance. Growth, uncertainty contribution. By learning new things, making new friends, connecting with those who understand you, this will help overcome the trauma bond. Fixing any issue you had as a child, working on you.
- Finding your focus and creating new dreams for you. Starting new hobbies, or taking up old ones.
- Practice observing and not absorbing their toxins, and those around you, listen to people’s actions, not only their words.
- Be patient and kind on yourself. Most of us slip up on the road to recovery, keep taking those baby steps until you make it.
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