Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Narcissists believe they are entitled to anything and everything, they think they are above all others, they only ever give if they believe they can take, they never give from the goodness of their own heart as their heart is only used for the purpose of keeping them alive, they take your mental health, your physical health and your finances, you give and give and give, while they just take, they have no empathy and no regard for others, only if they have something to gain by pretending to do so, anything and everything that’s wrong in their life will always be blamed on all others, it’s never their own doing, it’s always yours.
They are extremely jealous and envious of those around them, they feel deep rage and criticism over things that aren’t ever about them. With everyone, the world revolves around you, yet good people are kind to others, have perceptions that are mostly good in others, have empathy for others. A narcissist only ever sees it from the world is against me woe is my way.
Narcissists want power and control over everyone around them, all use psychological-emotional abuse, from silent treatment, gaslighting, blame-shifting and projection, provoking, pity plays, isolation, threats, Lying, cheating, depending on the narcissist, some also use physical violence, from spitting, slapping, strangling, punching and rape, they break down your boundaries, leaving you confused, mentally and also physically drained.
If a narcissists feeling is hurt, they can and will act out in rage. Not everyone who acts out in violence is narcissistic, and even good people can have all their buttons pushed, weaknesses used against them. Provoked that much by narcissist or fear for their lives that they snap and react in the survival fight mode against the narcissist if someone has a pattern of being mentally and physically abusive, they will most likely be a narcissist. At the very least they will have a lot of traits.
Narcissists justify being abusive because of what the victim did to them if their feelings are hurt. Or their needs and wants are not being met they feel entitled to be abusive, and it is always the victim’s fault with no remorse or guilt, only shame which they remove by blaming the victim. Victims who react baldly still blame them selves and have that guilt and shame, until they’ve subconsciously recovered from the abuse and still they understand that their reactions were not acceptable, but they learn to forgive themselves, and they don’t do it again. A narcissist never sees themselves at fault and will hurt others again and again, in their cycles of manipulation and abuse.
Narcissist personality disorder and domestic abuse go hand in hand, yet there aren’t many written connections on the two.
Narcissists are extremely calculated in destroying their victims even after the relationship had ended. Often leaving victims scared and unable to speak out. Long term mental abuse causes brain damage. Due to the release of cortisol when the body is under stress, the cortisol shrinks the hippocampus, which is for our short them memory and engages the amygdala which is responsible for our emotions. Leaving our memories lessened and our emotions heightened, then we can not fully see reality even with all the gaslighting on top, and our emotions play a huge part in everything we do day to day. Often leaving the victim with mental health problems such as CPTSD, anxiety, depression, so the abuser carries out their mass smear campaigns playing the victim or the hero, getting help and support, while the real victim is too scared and ashamed to speak out, leaving the narcissist to attack their mental health even more.
The narcissist abuser believes their own wants, feelings, needs and desires are more important to those around them and will destroy anyone anyway they can to meet these needs.
There are seven kinds of domestic abuse.
- Controlling others.
- Physical violence
- Emotional abuse and intimidation, stalking.
- Financial, economical.
- Verbal, threats, blame, cohesion.
All these forms of abuse come under the behaviours of most if not all people on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum. Not all narcissistic people do all the above behaviours, yet they will do most of them.
Narcissists fear being rejected, abandoned, powerless, humiliated, controlled and exposed. So they abuse victims in order for this never to happen.
After an abusive episode, the narcissist will bring back the false apology and seeming nice self to regain control and keep victims confused.
They can control themselves, narcissistic personality disorder or not, those who can not control themselves do not Care for who’s around to see what, do not care for what others think, even if they did, they could not control their actions and their loss of control would be for all to see. Narcissists are cunning calculated and sly, and they do it, so others don’t know they are doing it, most narcissistic people to the outside world look like they’ed do no wrong.
Domestic violence isn’t always about physical violence, and if you’ve had anyone be it your parents, siblings or partner and suffered any one of the seven forms of domestic abuse, you’ve been in an abusive relationship.
Just because they have a personality disorder doesn’t mean they are not to blame. They are no one deserves to be treated that way. Just because they have narcissistic personality disorder does not mean they can be helped, psychologist and researches have not found a way to help them. You can only help yourself by removing yourself from their lives.
If you are in an abusive relationship, find a safe way out, do not let the abuser know, they will not change for you, they only change to suit and meet a need of their own, those who care would not repeatedly mistreat you. You are worth more, and you deserve so much better.
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