Who Do You Want To Be After Narcissist Abuse.

Ask yourself.

What is holding me back from becoming who I want to be?

No, the answer is not the narcissist in your life, that you’re not good enough, you are good enough, not your lack of money, or any other reason you come up with for holding back on facing your fears, you only think that’s your problem and believing it makes it more of a reality, facing the unknown, hitting those emotions, to process and heal, staying stuck where you are right now? How’s that working out for you?

Fear holds so many backs for so many reasons, one being fear of others seeing our failures. Those who get pleasure out of your mistakes are envious of your potential.


I know it’s hard, I get It is hard, but once you stop telling yourself, I can not, it’s too complicated, it’s too hard, and start telling yourself, I can, with simple steps, it will become easier, the best things in life will come when you step out of your comfort zone, feel what you need to feel and dive into a better you. Often we don’t realise through fear of stepping out of our comfort zone how uncomfortable our comfort zone has become.

I know it’s easier said than done, yet if you’re still in an abusive relationship, get out. No more excuses, just safely, and I mean safely, do not tell them, get out safely and get to safety. There are helplines for men and women to help you do this. Your safety is your first priority. If you then feel the need for restraining orders, do it, if they break them, call the authorities, train your mind to stop thinking about them, it takes time, it takes work, it takes practice, but when you do those things, you do get them out of your head. Help yourself, achieve a better life, don’t be afraid to get the help and the support you need, it is an incredibly brave and an incredibly hard thing to do, but it will be the best thing you ever do.

Once you are safely out and safely free, you do not have to hold yourself hostage to your past. Yes, you’re going to go on one hell of a journey. You’ll take steps forward. You’ll take some back. They’ll be running around your head. You’ll be going over the whole situation and putting reality back in. As you do this, the fog will be lifting. Yes, the narcissist will probably try game playing, which will leave you so drained at times. Yes, you have to break free from that trauma bond. Yes, you have to recover from PTSD. You will have so many things to overcome, no sugar coating that as you’ll either be feeling it soon if you’re about to get out, or you’ll be feeling it if you are out. This is normal if you left them or if they left you.

You have to mourn the loss of a person that they pretend to be and accept them for who they denied they were, and then you have to realise you are weaning yourself of powerful drugs, your own body released in all those highs and lows. During the relationship, you are not weaning yourself off a person.

So stop holding yourself hostage to your past. Show me someone who claims they’ve never made a mistake, and I’ll show you a narcissist.

Mistakes are good. They teach us so many things. Who you once were doesn’t shape who you are or who you are about to become.

Let go of the guilt; let go of that victim mindset. Let go of the survivor mindset, and we are all surviving every day. It’s not easy, yet you can do it.

Instead, ask yourself. What do I want? Who do I want to be? What do I enjoy? What makes me happy? Find them and do them but don’t stop finding more. We all have 24 hrs in a day, and if you see someone doing something you’d like to, focus on that, believe in that, you can do it too, then take steps to get that, even if you stumble. Along the way, who cares? Only you so learn the lesson and go again and again.

You’ve not been foolish in your past. You’ve just lived. You’ve not given control to others in your past. You just cared. You’ve not been mean in your past. You just reacted. You’ve learned how you don’t want to be treated, who you don’t want to be. Now is the time to treat yourself how you want to be treated, and only allow those in your life who respect you to treat you how you want to be treated. Now you are free. Now is the time to become who you want to be.

If you want to, if you choose to, you can get to a point where you hold no grudges against those who wronged you. You’ll have no resentment toward those who didn’t treat you well. You’ll understand that you didn’t know any different, and when they come at you trying to destroy you, it’ll no longer affect you, as you’ll know better than to react. Instead, you’ll take whatever action you need to take in a calm manner to protect your true self from negativity, and you’ll hope they can find the peace and happiness within themselves, far away from you, you will be full of inner joy.

You will know you never have to go through that again. If you in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, or older, you don’t need to fix your past. You are older and wiser. You have time starting today to create a happier, more self-fulfilling, happier future. Yes, you do. You just have to change your mindset then take steps to action what you genuinely want.

Everybody makes mistakes, and those mistakes you make, you made to help you become the person you’re going to be if you’ve made the same mistake, it’s time to change direction today.

Yes, some of those things are hideous, but you either hold onto them, hold on to the resentment and stay stuck in your horrible past, or you step out of that zone, as it’s not a comfortable zone. You step into another uncomfortable zone to release it all. Leave it on your past and move forward. Then step into happiness.

Some of you might be stuck in the woe is me, victim stage, and that’s ok. That stage hits most people, but what you’ve got to do, is release it and move past it for a better future.

Do not let your experience of a traumatic past eat you up. You’ll only fall further, do not let past traumatic events shape your future. Use them to help your future, to help others, to improve your life, to reclaim who you are. You’re inner strength and your inner happiness.

Find your own personality and work on it. Find your own gifts and work on those. We all have an inner strength, just find it any way we can and then develop it to better you.

Now is the time to work on you. You can get help. You can contact support. You can reach out. You can get advice from those who are going through it or who have been through it. It helps you understand how you feel, is healthy, and you are not alone, but then you have to act, you have to work on yourself, you have to fill yourself back up.

Never be afraid to honour who You indeed are. Never be afraid to stand up for what you believe in. ( not talking about narcissists here, with those who do all you can to keep yourself safe.) I’m talking about the true you. Don’t be afraid of who you indeed are.

We’ve all got the same story’s, just with slightly different details. It’s good to share these to help others not feel so alone. If you don’t want to share, then good for you, we are unique, and we are individuals. We handle the telling of what happened. Differently, some want to shout it from the rooftops, some close family, some write it down for personal read then destroy. However you feel you want to do it, let it all out, so your past no longer keeps you in your past, and you can move into your present, and your present is a great gift when you change your mindset and do it right. Do it the right way for you.

Stop finding excuses of why not, and start finding reasons of why to.

Be brutally honest and be completely honest with yourself. You deserve to become the happiest and best version of yourself,

Surround yourself with positive people, learn to change to a positive I can mindset, talk the great positive talk to yourself, then walk the walk to a much more successful Happier life.

Become your passion and always be compassionate, understand who you are, and understand those around you, believe in yourself, and believe in others who are genuine and who are kind.

When you find your dreams, you’ll wake up excited. When you find your passion, you’ll wake up excited. When you become happy, you’ll wake up excited, you will find the hrs you need in a day to do the things you love to do, you’ll no longer be bored, when you find your passion, then give to others, you will feel pride, always stay grounded, if you want to be a nurse, become a nurse, you help others, if you’re going to drive a bin lorry, drive a bin lorry you’ll help others. Work to live doing something you love, don’t live to work doing something you hate, dream as big as you want, aim as high as you want, it’s never too late to learn new skills, if you’re going to paint, then paint, one day it’ll inspire others.

Your dreams will not make sense to everybody, don’t listen to the naysayers; instead, believe in you, and go all out to achieve it for you. Only you can do it for yourself, and if you want it enough, you will find a way. No mistakes or setbacks will hold you back.

Breaking the trauma bond.

Keep going, and you’ve got this. Never give up on yourself.

Life is 10 % what happens to you and 90% what you do about it.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

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The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.), where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.


How people take your self-esteem and how to reclaim it.

Overcoming Guilt.

Detach your thoughts.

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