Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
A few things narcissists might say to try and do, to win you back.
Some people who are not abusive may say these things if they feel genuine remorse if they’ve not been physically or mentally abusive towards you they might be genuinely sorry for their actions and genuinely love care and want you back.
Yet if they’ve been mentally or physically abusive towards you, left you feeling crazy, take your money, your home, or use you in any way they can, cheated on you, they are saying these things as they want to use you some more.
When they come for the hoover, they might say things like.
“You made me do it. It’s only because you weren’t there for me. If you were more interested in me, that was when we’d split up, and they are stalking me.” When you’ve discovered they’ve cheated again, blame-shifting onto you, or triangulating you Both, so you work harder to keep them due to your trauma bond.
“I’ll go to counselling.” The narcissist has no intentions of changing, and they are buying themselves more time with you. They’ll often use counselling to form an illusion, so you’re the one told by the professionals, that you need to change for the narcissist to make the relationship work, often you’ll be painted as crazy, not always, but a few narcissists have a way of doing this through manipulation of the professional working with you. Professionals are becoming more aware, in spotting exactly what the narcissist is doing and being able to help you.
“I miss you, I know you don’t want me back, can we just be friends.” They want friends with benefits, or to triangulate you with their new partner, or use you to make the new partner feel crazy.
“Let’s get married,” just because they want to pull on your heartstrings that they really care, often they just want to take you for all they can in the divorce.
“Perhaps we should take a break.” They just want you to up your game and win them back. Or. “I knew you weren’t right for me.” Again hopefully you’ll try to win them back, yet they’ll have someone lined up in case you don’t up your game on delivering all their desires which is never enough as they’re not sure what will make them truly happy.
“I’m sorry I hurt you, it’ll never happen again.” They’re sorry that the new didn’t work out and they feel you can fill a void again.
“I’ve nothing left to live for.” If you’re leaving them, The victim narcissist, pity playing hoping you’re caring heart will not want to leave them hurt. The reality they want to buy time, so they can discard you, and find someone else.
When they come back with all the gifts, and I’m sorry, again, just a ploy to suck you back in the. Leave you in the dirt again, as the new isn’t working out, or you have something they want.
“Happy birthday.” Or “thinking about you.” On your birthday, they are just testing the waters to see if your willing, remember all those special occasions they ruined and do not respond. A response to a narcissist is all they need to worm their way back in.
“I’ve only ever loved you, and you’re the only one for me.” Most narcissists are unfaithful, yet they try to play the card that they didn’t care for the other. The reality they don’t care for the others, yet they don’t care for you either, they only care about getting their needs met.
“I’m torn. I love you both.” Again trying to get you both to work harder and win them over, they just want the attention from you both as you fight over the narcissist.
“I need your help, and I don’t mean to hurt you.” They need your positivity emotions as they didn’t mean to push you so far as they’d not got someone else lined up, they didn’t mean to push you so far, yet as you still have something they want from you.
Whatever they say, do not break no contact or grey rock, it’ll set your recovery back, they hurt you and treated you wrong, and they’ll keep doing it every time you take them back, most psychologists and researchers say they can not change, don’t risk your happiness by going back.
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