The somatic narcissist.
The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum. However, to have the disorder they do need at least five out of the nine characteristics from the DSM-5, even with five traits their personalities differ as they are individuals, although some personality types will crossover, the overt narcissist will often use covert methods, the grandiose narcissist will play victim at some point. The vulnerable will play the hero.
Most narcissistic people will have somatic and cerebral traits. They will just sway more towards one trait. They will either be dominantly somatic or dominantly cerebral. A narcissistic Person will always up their games and switch between the narcissistic characteristics and manipulation methods, to suit whatever need they need to meet at that time.
Somatic vs cerebral.
Somatics are focused on looks. Cerebral are focused on intelligence. So they get their needs met by either Using their body’s (Somatic.) or using their minds. (Cerebral.)
The nine characteristics of the disorder are.
1. A sense of entitlement. They believe they have a right to anything and everything they want. What’s yours is mine and what’s mines my own attitude.
2. Arrogance and dominance. They are proud of who they are. Some will be obvious in showing it, and some will hide it away.
3. Exploitative. Whatever they do is only to ever to meet a need of their own.
4. Grandiose. If they show it or not, they believe they are superior to all others.
5. Jealousy and envy. They are never truly happy and always want more.
6. Lack of empathy they can not truly feel what others do or put themselves in other people’s shoes.
7. Preoccupied with power and/or success. Those who are successful will brag, those who are not will blame others.
8. Requires excessive attention. They need to be admired by others, through love or fear.
9. The belief they are special. They believe all others are inferior to them.
Somatic narcissists like other narcissists love and desire special attention, those somatic narcissists use their body’s to gain this, and their sense of identity is often linked to the approval from others about their looks, when this isn’t attained they can feel deep criticism. As narcissists are extremely jealous and envious of those around them, they will put others down based on their looks, especially those the narcissist feels they are in competition with, instead of recognising we are only in competition with ourselves, instead of being happy for others success and seeing what they can learn from it, a somatic narcissist will go all out to put others down and sabotage others success.
A somatic narcissist is often portrayed as a sex addict, and not all sex addicts are narcissistic people.
Although they are often sex addicts, they don’t get their emotional needs met from sex. They get their needs met in the chase, their conquest over having so many sexual partners, the reaction when they leave just discard one partner for the next, the excitement of getting a new model, excitement of winning someone over and breaking down their boundaries.
It gives them a sense of control and dominance. Proving to themselves, they are special, worthy, desirable, irresistible, and they are unique.
Some of the more common signs of a somatic.
1. Pride and concern in appearance and conquests to the excess.
Somatic’s take great pride in their appearance, to gain attention from those around them, they will happily flaunt their body’s brag about their conquest, they are most often health freaks, ( just because someone takes care of themselves and visits a gym doesn’t mean they are a narcissistic person if they don’t have five or more traits.) the somatic narcissist wants to sculpt their own body’s into perfection, not all of them. Still, most of them, some somatic narcissists, will just rely on their facial appearance and superficial charm. Like any narcissist on the spectrum, as they believe they are entitled to what they want whenever they want, they use others. They treat other people’s body’s as an object, how people like to upgrade phones or try different models, that’s how a somatic narcissistic person sees people and others body’s, just a new toy, then once bored with, they often discard and conquer the next.
As narcissists are preoccupied with power and success, they believe they are special, and they want excessive attention. Somatic like other types of narcissists want the best of everything, to a somatic, this can simply be clothes and cars leading onto, homes and holidays. They can obsess over their appearance. They can boast about their appearances, and they can flatter those around them as they fish for compliments to fill up their own self-esteem issues. Not that they’ll admit to having self-esteem issues or insecurities. They can go all out with the plastic surgery as they strive for perfection, people that overspend, have plastic surgery etc., if they lack in empathy, exploit others, they most likely are on the spectrum somewhere, however just because someone likes to drive a nice car, that alone doesn’t make them on the spectrum.
Ageing hits the somatic narcissist the most, as they a reliant upon their looks.
Both somatic and cerebral prefer taking care of their own sexual needs and get the end pleasure from it than the actual sexual encounter with others, somatic just use others as a conquest, challenge to complete.
Once married a cerebral narcissist will often go off sex, the males often but not always turning towards porn.
The somatic uses other people’s body’s to self masturbate. Basically, the partner has often used as an object an extension of themselves. The male and female somatic narcissist just use other people’s body’s like a toy.
Somatic’s are often preoccupied with sex and believe they are entitled to sex, they use their body to draw people in, they feel entitled to sex, and believe any attention they get is an open invitation to sex.
Not all narcissistic people are unfaithful, the majority are, and the somatic can be pathological when it comes to affairs, to feed their desire and need for attention and admiration, they can also feed their need for attention just from people admiring their looks.
Not everyone who flaunts their bodies is a narcissist if they don’t have other traits they are just self-confident people.
4. Impatient and self-absorbed.
As with most narcissists, they have that sense of entitlement that they are entitled to special treatment and special attention. They expect to have all their needs met, without the empathy to care for those they exploit along the way.
Conversations will very quickly be turned into them, how good they are exaggerating all their achievements.
They will ignore your needs, as they focus on their own needs, wants, desires and problems, anything you can do, they will try to do better, or they’ll exaggerate something they’ve done, they will make things up they’ve done, take credit for or try to sabotage your success. Any problems you have shall be dismissed with “it wasn’t that bad.” And they’ll always have suffered worse than you.
“A narcissist will play the hero or the victim, never the villain.”
To gain attention, they believe they deserve
Killing two birds with one stone method. They will often inform a partner of someone flirting with them, or talk about how an ex would have done something for them, which is confusing as they’ve already smeared the ex and told the new partner how much they hate them. The new partner then end up feeling jealous and insecure, often losing their boundaries, as they try harder and harder to keep the narcissist happy. So they can make partners doubt themselves, their thoughts and feelings and if partners bring anything up a narcissist will commonly tell them, things like. “You’re insecure.” “You’re jealous.) “Don’t be so sensitive.) and other gaslighting sentences to take the blame away from the narcissist and pass the problems onto the partner. When, in reality, your instincts are correct. The narcissist gets attention while they gain control of your mind, and you slowly lose control of your mind.
“They only want to talk about your reactions to their behaviour, and never their behaviour itself.”
Narcissists will flirt and deny, another one to provoke the feelings of jealousy, insecurities and self-doubt in their partner. They’ll flirt in front of them then deny all knowledge. Some will flirt and then tell their partner to “Get over it.” Or “Stop overacting.” Again so the partner doubts themselves, and believes themselves to be the problem, and not the narcissist’s behaviour. Triangulation is used to.
- Create shame in people, into not believing they are worthy or good enough.
- Create a competition of those around them by comparing people against each other.
- Create jealous between those around them. The narcissist is extremely envious and jealous of those around them, and some make this more obvious than others.
- Create absolute chaos between people.
- Create seeds of self-doubt in the minds of those around them.
- Create an atmosphere in other friendships.
- Create isolation, cutting people off from support networks and reality checks.
- Create control of all others,
- Create a feeling of guilt in others, so they conform to the narcissist’s demands.
- Create confusion in those around them.
- Create conflict in those around them.
- Create attention and reality checks going through the narcissist only.
A narcissist can not stand criticism, real or perceived. To a somatic, if this is about their looks, they will project, sulk, invalidate, intimidate, anything they can to twist it around and take control back because their ego has been injured. They will also criticise others, they are extremely jealous of those around them, and they will put others down, they will make fun of others, often if called out on their behaviour, it’ll be “I’m only joking.” “Don’t be so sensitive.”
like all narcissists on the spectrum, a somatic will gaslight those around them. Gaslighting is to psychology manipulate you into losing your reality. After a narcissist has done this, they’ll happily call you crazy, for feeling all over the place due to their manipulative gaslighting behaviour. With their blame-shifting and projection, we often end up blaming ourselves and thinking we’re going crazy. You’re not the crazy one.
The somatic narcissistic friends, work colleagues and bosses.
Like any relationship with a narcissist, they will idealise you when you first meet them. They’ll be interested in all the things you’re interested, making plans of things you’ll do together in the future, full of flattery towards you, always been there, while you’re giving them the attention they require, then if they precieve you to be doing something better than themselves, they not be pleased for you, they’ll be envious of you. The manipulative games of silent treatments and invalidation will begin, things like “Are you really going to wear that.” ” I don’t think that promotion would suit you. You’ve tired as it is.” “Are you sure you want to train there that college isn’t very good.” Those triangulation games letting you know friends have said things about you that they haven’t, arranging to meet up, not inviting you, yet making sure you find out and blaming an innocent third party as to why you weren’t invited.
What can you do?
Those on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum do not and will not see themselves as the problem. Therefore they will not change, as they expect you to change and adapt to them, and even when we do this, fawning to their demands, losing who we are and walking on eggshells around them, it will still not be right for them, as they do not know who they are.
The best thing you can do is walk away and work on you. This takes courage and strength, to face the fear and lose the hope, focussing on the situation in its entirety can be daunting, so just take it one step at a time, focus on the fact you want out, focus on a life you do want for yourself, and you will take steps to get there.
Talk with people who’ve lived it, gain clarity on what you’ve been through, seek therapy if needed, make sure you feel comfortable with the therapist.
Leaning your boundaries and sticking to your no, when we know our boundaries, those red flags become deal breakers.
Remember, taking pride in your appearance, working on a diet or exercise plan, treating yourself to a holiday etc. once does not make you a narcissist, it’s only when people manipulate, exploit, lack empathy and try to exploit others, they could be on the spectrum.
The somatic narcissist.
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The cerebral narcissist.
The malignant narcissist.
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