Getting out and staying out of an abusive relationship isn’t always easy; it is worth it.
If they’ve discarded you, or you have left them, it hurts to lose someone you care for, it hurts to lose the normality of the routines, and that’s ok, that’s normal. It’s going to get a whole lot better, it’s going to hurt less and less. Then you will indeed find your joy again.
Having any kind of relationship with a narcissist is confusing and painful, especially when we don’t understand what we are dealing with.
A narcissist wants what they want, whenever they want it, regardless of who they hurt in the process.
Narcissists are incredibly self-centred; they lack empathy; they believe they are entitled; they exploit others; they are selfish; they have a complete disregard of others feelings.
If you are thinking about leaving, or you’ve just left or a few months down the road, you must congratulate yourself, as it has been a long, hard, challenging journey and no matter where you are. You are doing great in a difficult situation. Your newfound happiness will follow, even if you’re at the beginning of your recovery.
You can now become free, become the person you want to be, make choices for yourself, deep down you already know who you want to be, so start getting out there and doing things you love, all those things the narcissist once admired in you, yet slowly took away from you, start doing all the things they wouldn’t let you do, and start living life again for you.
Stop worrying about not being good enough that is all just what the narcissist has programmed you to think. Now is the time to tell yourself you are good enough. Keep telling yourself you are enough because you are. You are worth so much more than those who make you feel unworthy to feel better about themselves.
When narcissistic people hit rage and anger, you will have suffered the brunt of these. They will have then played the victim to manipulate you into blaming yourself, as a narcissist wants to convince you that your emotional reactions to the abuse are the problem, so you doubt yourself, which distracts you from the fact that it is their abuse which is the problem. They may be trying to hoover you, and they come along all humble and sweet, you believe they can change, setting yourself backwards by going back, as the more we go back, the worse their behaviour gets as they believe they can get away with it, they may also be sending flying monkeys your way, they might try smearing you, anything to get a reaction from you, so they can either blame you, shame you, or gain attention from you, if you have left, just remember that Rollercoaster life you’ve left behind, yes life can be a great ride this is the narcissist’s admiration face to sell you an illusion, to keep you living in the hope of something that was never meant to be, the lows of being with a narcissistic person, you most definitely do not deserve. They are not worth the lies when they are treating you so right to exploit you.
So think about how free you will be, or how free you are now.
When you do feel weak, when you start to doubt yourself, question if it was that bad, you have to remember why you left. How everything you did was cross-examined every feeling you had called into question, for every double standard and unspoken rules that change day by day, how bad they made you feel. That’s why it’s time to leave, that’s why you left, that’s why you are so hurt that they’ve left you, and why it’s hard to overcome all the emotions you’ve been through.
The narcissist might have scared you by saying things like, “you’re crazy.” Or “you can not survive without them.” So you don’t want to be alone. They may also have taken everything from you.
This is because they fear abandonment; they are envious and don’t want you to move forward without them. Yes, at first it is hard to break free, keep going, you’ll soon understand how much happier you will be without them. You will quickly feel light and happy, and no one deserves the torment￼ and torture of the narcissists’ mental abuse. When time passes, the more you’re away from them, the more the fog lifts, the more you’ll feel so much lighter and so free.
You can take care of yourself and become who you want to be. Change can be hard, but keep going. You will come out so much happier and more full-filled.
You do have to work on yourself, as you’ll have lost who you indeed are. You can now create a person better than you were before, as you’re so much stronger and you become much wiser.
People who have not experienced narcissistic abuse will not understand; they’ll not get the depths of the situation and all the manipulation that you’ve been through.
You’re not stupid at all. You’re human, with loving feelings, caring, a big heart, no one, and I mean no one deserves that kind of abuse from anyone. You did no deserve it.
You have a great mind that can be trained by you for some much more and much happier, more fulfilling life.
Removing the narcissist from your identity, first, you will have to grieve, do it, then move past it, you’ll not recover if you keep grieving,
Writing down all the fake illusions about the relationship that happened to you, how you felt, then writing down reality, writing down how you feel about them now, writing them a letter then destroying it, helps a lot of people.
If your narcissist left you, it truly is a gift, and a get out of jail free card. Even if it takes a while to see, with many narcissists, it’s disengagement. The final discard comes from you.
You will get to a point where you are happy and no longer feel anything for them.
Grey rock, or no contact, genuinely help with recovery. Out of sight will help get them out of your mind.
If needed, get those restraining orders, non-molestation orders or occupation orders, do it. The freedom of not having them in your face and in your mind is incredible. Freedom is a beautiful thing.
One step at a time, keep going. You will make it out of the dark days and back into those light, happy days, take yourself out to new places, try new activities.
Who do you have to be to keep a narcissist happy.
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