Overcoming narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
When you go no contact with a narcissist, what do they do?
They plot and they scheme, to them how dare you to treat them that way. To them, they are the most important person in the world, how dare you not react. Their ego is crushed.
You move forward with your life not glancing back towards them, is a massive blow to their egos.
They know you’ll get your happiness back, or see you’ve got it back, and you’re getting successful without them. They feel a failure as they’ve let you slip away from them, they couldn’t control you, and they can no longer get any emotional reactions from you.
They become angry that you’ve escaped their grasp, they will more than likely go around all the manipulation tactics, possibly starting with the false apology to suck you back in, then, blames shifting and projection, to anger and threats, flaunting the new person in front of you, smearing you some more, making sure their flying monkeys let you know certain information, then they may fall on the silent treatment, the more you stick to no contact, the more they up the game to try and hurt you, do not let them, even if they are do not let them know.
Without reaction from you, they suffer, they have to get emotional reactions elsewhere, when their egos recharged, they will probably try again, they may even do the pity play, of illness, or someone close to them is ill, do not fall for it, if you have children, they will use these also to get to you, again, put your words, time, effort and energy into positivity around the children, explain values and opinions, do not let the narcissist know that it’s affecting you, when you observe you’ll see the pattern they cycle around, they will fall silent again.
Their ego is just damaged because you outsmarted them, they hate getting treated to the silent treatment, that they enjoy using towards those around them, they will be jealous and envious that you can survive without them.
They don’t like people escaping their grasp, they want you to go back, fill them with positivity so they can destroy you again.
They want to create problems for you, so they can swoop in and be the hero again, so you take them back, then they can devalue and discard you all over again.
They do not want you, they just want to rebuild their own egos from you, take everything they can, enjoy the positive energy, then the negative energy as they destroy you all over again.
If you’ve escaped and you’re getting on with your life, giving them no reactions, it destroys their egos, and they just spend their time thinking of ways to destroy you again, which they destroy the relationship with the new person at the same time, as they’ll be comparing the new person to you, you might even see the new person, dressing like you, their hair cut like yours, taking up your hobbies, this isn’t the new person fault, this is the narcissists twisted words of jealousy, telling the new person how they’re not as good as you are, because of the highs and lows and the trauma bond, the new person is doing all they can to please the narcissist.
Whilst the narcissist is plotting revenge on you, discard on the new, and trying to get you to fall back to them.
You’ve probably gone back a few times, you’ve probably broken no contact, don’t worry we all have, we like to trust people can change, and yes good people can, narcissist do not, so stick to no contact.
They will be stalking you on the internet, they’ll either have false accounts set up or flyers monkeys, trying to contact you for them.
All you want to do is leave the past mistakes behind, move forward to a happier life, without having people out to get you. They try everything to hold you back.
This is why it’s vital You grieve, let it all out so you don’t keep revisiting that grief, then leave the past behind, take the lesson with you, move forward with your life, whatever they throw your way, and they can sink really low, stick to your boundaries, look at the positives and the good things that have now entered your life, do not react to them, they’ll just keep going, no molestation orders etc if needed, do them ASAP, so you can move forward.
They may even get new partners to chip always at you, seek comfort, in those you trust, seek comfort from support groups, you’re not alone in this, do not let the injured ego of the narcissist know it’s affecting your life. Fight back with the law and keep fighting for your rights to live in peace, show the narcissist your not afraid, to challenge them through court, but in court, show the narcissist no emotions, get solicitors or lawyer that understand narcissistic personality disorder, ask for police officers that understand it to, keep everything recorded. Any slight thing as these all adds up.
Do not make it easy for them to destroy you, keep going, keep fighting for your rights to live a happy life.
It will take a lot of work, but you can live a normal life again,
Narcissist do enjoy a challenge, it’s a game to be one, if they see they’re starting to win they will keep going, if they see barriers of law enforcement, although they believe they are above the law, it’s more barriers they have to jump through, just to get to you, they will start to look for easier options and leave you be when they know their games aren’t working, some of the stunts they pull it’s incredibly hard not to react. No reaction is a necessity.
Stay no contact or grey rock, stick to your boundaries, do not humour them, if they see any way on to either get you back or destroy you, they will keep going, until they achieve, if they see more and more blockades put up, they will give up.
Stay strong, keep going, you can do this.