Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
A narcissist is a thief.
A narcissist is a taker and not a giver.
They are a con artist, the masters of manipulation, they sell you a dream, to deliver you a living nightmare.
A narcissist will bleed you dry and drain you of anything and everything, when I finally lost mine, people commented that they were sorry we’d split up, on the inside I was screaming. “Please don’t be, I’ve lost a leach and regained my mind, my life.” At that point, I’d still not realised they were a narcissist or how close to the truth my instincts were.
They will move into your home, use your car, take your money, to drinking that the last drop of milk your children need for breakfast in the morning,
Narcissists believe they are entitled to anything and everything. They will stop at nothing and steal everything. To most of them, nothing is yours, and everything is theirs.
They are filling an inner void, and they not only take control of possessions, they will steal your mind from you, slowly but surely bit by bit until you no longer know who you are.
They steal your critical thinking, you used to have a great intuition and instinct, yet that idolisation stage when they sweep you off your feet, they have to attack your critical thinking any way they can, through slow manipulation, continually lying, gaslighting, until you can no longer think clearly, anything so you can not work them out, so you don’t know what’s happening to you. You slowly get so sick and tired, it becomes easier to just agree with them, go along with whatever they need or want, you no longer know what reality is, so they can carry on taking everything else, and you don’t see what’s happening to you.
They steal your self-confidence, in the beginning, you knew your own strengths and weaknesses, you had abilities to see what you were good at and what you needed to work on, they can portray self-confidence greatly yet a narcissist has none within themselves, what they are is arrogant. They do however believe they are superior to all others, and they believe they are entitled to whatever they want, with the many manipulation techniques they use, they will suck all your self-confidence from you, so you seek their permission turning to them for approval, you end up having to ask them if you can go and meet your friends, you are afraid of their reactions, you run all your decisions by them to avoid the arguments, that stare, the silent treatment, the affairs, all slowly pick you apart from who you used to be.
They steal your self-esteem, the narcissist is jealous of your self-esteem they want it, and they go all out to get it, in the idolisation period you know who you are, you know your likes and dislikes, you’re proud of your achievements. A narcissist can only get self-esteem from comments from others, so they will get to know everything about you, then they will remind you of your failures, put you down, they role reverse without you even knowing, so they can take it from you and leave you as empty as they are, even though they never show their true feelings to others. They want you shattered, they want you unsure of yourself and clinging onto them.
They steal your credibility, when you told people things, or explained things, you knew you were telling the truth, you knew the story so well, so actually, you lived for honesty, ( yes most tell the odd white lie when you say to the children, “ sorry, no sweets in the house today.” To save a child’s meltdown because they’ve had enough, and when raising children with a narcissist, you can no longer do this, as children will be questioning enough, it’s a tough enough job being a parent, when their other parent is a narcissist we have to be extra careful our words match what we do.
Now because of the narcissists smear campaigns of you to others, because of their manipulative words, you question events, others question you because of what the narcissist has said, also when they see you, you’re a mess that can not think straight, the narcissist will tell you. “You’re nothing without me.” So you actually doubt yourself. Yet they keep going and going until you’re made out to be a liar.
They take your friends and family, either by triangulation, divide and conquer, moving you miles away, smear campaigns, any method possible to take your support network away from you, having friends and family some will get your own children to turn against you.
Your trust, they’re not bothered if you trust them or not as they’ve already taken everything else from you They then happily go in for the kill cheating on you, and this completely shatters any of your trust that you had left. They’re not bothered that you don’t trust them, they’ll manipulate that it’s all your fault. They will tell you how it was all your fault. “If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t.” Seems to be a narcissists favourite sentence.
Then if you do break free, they hope you’re that lost, that broken, you believe you need to go back to them to be fixed.
If you don’t they still seem to win, as you can no longer trust your own judgement, you can no longer trust those around you, you can no longer trust yourself, which leaves a harsh reality, which leaves hurdle after hurdle to recovery.
The narcissist has not won, they have not taken the one thing that they can never do, change, you slowly changed everything about yourself for that narcissist, now you can gradually change yourself into someone, who’s better than you were before, you can take control back of your life, they can not, they always hit repeat, you are wiser and will be so much stronger than you were before.
Martin Luther King said, “Darkness can not drive out darkness, only light can do that, hate can not drive out hate, only love can do that.”
So next time you think about that narcissist remind yourself, that they are so full of darkness, yet they can never see the light, they can only create darkness for others to give themselves a glimpse of light, they blame others for their faults, they hate others for having and doing what they are unable to, they can not give real love, they can not accept real love, so love will not drive out their self-hatred, power and control is the only thing to keep them happy, a temporary quick fix.
You, however, you can find the light, you’ve just been replanted, and now it’s your time to grow out of that darkness into the light, a beautiful seed, to blossom into a brand new flower. You can love, you are capable of love, so you can start to love and trust within yourself again, to slowly but surely drive out that hate. Then you’ll know you are stronger and wiser than who you were before, with your new-found, values, core beliefs and boundaries. Negative people and toxic people, you’ll no longer associate yourself with, positive people, loving, kind, considerate people, just like you are, will be your circle of friends now.
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