Narcissists give you no closure. Many don’t see themselves as a problem and hold a grudge against others. Some most likely know you’ll chase them for answers which often helps with their smear campaign when the narcissist is telling everyone you’re obsessed and won’t leave them alone. For us, they remain stuck in our minds as we are left ruminating, finding it harder for us to shift them out and move on. Without closure, most people will still search for answers, as most people want to know why? Then we want to know how?
Most likely, the narcissist has learned from the exes just how much it helps their smear campaigns against us as we search for answers, also that people chase them to get those answers as most people want to know why, so the narcissist is gaining attention by not giving you answers, validating to themselves that they are important. Narcissistic people don’t see themselves as the problem; they lack in object constancy, meaning they can walk away and simply not care. The only thing they care for is revenge, as in their reality. It’s always someone else’s fault.
No closure is another game to a narcissist, a further manipulation tactic. Narcissists can not let someone get the better of them as they believe they’re entitled to having everything their way, so they seek out smear campaigns and other ways to hurt you.
We often want answers, and because we’re not getting them, it causes that intrigue, and we often then want and need to know what’s happening all the more. Some of us then end up messaging and ringing the narcissist to get that closure, for the narcissist to further use this in their smear campaign against us, telling those who will listen, we’re stalking them, we’re obsessed with them, that it’s us that will not let them go, so the narcissist can gain supporters either through the pity plays, or claiming how amazing they are to others, all to achieve the excessive attention they believe they deserve.
They might owe us money, another manipulation tactic. However, they believe they’re entitled to that money. To a narcissist, It’s our problem, not theirs. If we ask them for it, they’ll never give it to us. They’ll just provide excuse after excuse to keep playing games with us, causing us frustration, causing that build-up of resentment within us, which can cause us to feel anger, causing us to react, for the narcissist to then use our reactions against us.
Or they’ll then give you the “what money?” Just to confuse and anger you more.
Then it will be belongings they leave theirs in our homes. They issue excuse after excuse again to keep you waiting, chasing them to collect their things. All while, they twist the story to others claiming we shall not return them, to gain sympathy from those around them, gaining enablers and flying monkeys to support them and further isolate us, or they’ll keep ours, the ones we most value, our sentimental items, so we chase them, again they will keep excuses going as to why they will not return them, to cause us to react, narcissists use the things that matter to us the most as we react from an emotional level, not a logical level, which often plays straight into the narcissist’s hands.
They also might want to keep you attached, so it’s easier for them to hoover when they need supply.
They may turn up where you are, so when you try to explain to those who don’t understand you. You look like you’re acting crazy, as the narcissist sells themselves to others as a genuine person with all their charismatic charm while painting us as the crazy stalker. When we react, narcissists will twist and turn the story to help them exploit others, as this often helps them with their smearing campaign against us and how crazy we are. Hence, the narcissist gains more attention from those around them, so the narcissist escapes consequences for the things they do to us.
They may disappear for a while to leave you wondering, what’s happened to them?
Narcissists don’t give closure as that would mean on some level they’d have to hold themselves accountable, they’d have to accept responsibility for the part they played, they might have to face emotions they don’t want to, they might have to face the consequences, and people might see them for who they are, however to a narcissist it’s not who they are, as to them it’s all your fault, and your the one who didn’t give them closure.
Learning about the disorder will give you all the closure you need for yourself while also creating a new life for you, new dreams and new routines, new friendships and new hobbies, to keep your mind occupied on your life more and more now and less on them, as you are worth so much more.
The closure is something we give to ourselves based on the belief we have over closer. Finding our personal meaning to closure helps us to find our closure.
When you go from, how could they do this to me? To, I deserve to be treated with respect, honesty and loyalty. It becomes all the closure you’ll ever need.
Two sides to a narcissist after no contact.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.