Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Narcissistic men, getting women pregnant. Narcissistic women, getting pregnant.
Narcissistic people simply believe the children are an extension of themselves.
With a narcissist all they do is further manipulate, they will stop at nothing to manipulate, including their own children.
Did your narcissist want to have a baby with you, not long after you had first met? Most will want children with you, no matter how many they already have, or how many you have.
This is all just another manipulative tool for the narcissist, to help them achieve their aims.
There are several ways a narcissist will use having a child together, for manipulation, not all narcissists want children, those that do, want them very early on, to prove how committed they are to you. Two people falling in love making that comment together to create new life, the promise to have children with you is only so they can get what they want from you.
If you’re still in the idolisation stage, and this amazing person wants to have children with you, it can be all your dreams coming true. It is made to seem like a loving and romantic comment that they wish to have children with you, whether it’s the male narcissist getting you pregnant, or the female narcissist carrying your child. It’s all another manipulation technique, to re-enforce their dominance over you and to conquer you.
To the male narcissist, they believe they are planting their very essence deep inside of you. They may use the term. “Planting my seed.” Or “I chose you to be my incubator.” As we are an appliance to them, please add in comments what your narcissist said to you, so others are aware. To the male narcissist getting you pregnant is the ultimate accomplishment. They feel powerful, and they place what they believe to be their seed of themselves inside of you. It’s their ultimate conquest.
They believe they have placed themselves inside you.
From the female narcissist point of view, they believe they have consumed a part of you inside them. They also feel powerful and that they have conquered you.
Those narcissists who want children will make good of their promises, possibly the only promises they will keep after the idolisation stage, they will have a child with you for their own gains, one is to bind you to them through the child, having a child with you, means to them that you are far less likely to escape them. If you leave or if they cheat, you are far more likely to go back if you have a child together. You want the perfect family, and in that idolisation stage, who better to have a family with, then after the idiolisation stage, you want the dream back of that perfect family.
The narcissist knows because of your empathy, and you will dedicate yourself to the children’s upbringing, you will have a huge obstacle in your way, when you’ve had enough of their behaviour and want to leave, as you’ll not want to take the child away from the other parent, it’s also not as easy to walk away with a child, and start afresh then it would be if it was just you. You will allow them to reduce their own involvement, as with a narcissist they are lacking in support unless they have something to gain from it.
Narcissist use children to keep their hold over you, to keep you tied to them.
Neither male or female narcissist have children because they want children with you. Males purely use the female as an incubator. You are just the narcissist host. Once you are pregnant a lot of male narcissists will cast you aside, not all will, you are just an appliance, to carry their offspring, they are now free, to change to other appliances.
If the pregnancy remains in the idolisation stage, you’ll be doted on.
Once the children have arrived, they are then used as pawns in the narcissists never-ending game of chess, where they will always try to put you into checkmate, whichever way you turn. Children are used to create competition with you, and they will triangulate children off against each other and you. Divide and conquer, is what the narcissist is all about. You may have heard them say, “I love you more than daddy, don’t I?”Or “I love you more than mummy, don’t I?” Please add in comments any you heard. They also say things like. “Don’t tell mummy but she doesn’t love you only I do.” Or “ don’t tell daddy about this, but he doesn’t love you, only I do.”
They use these kinds of words, so the children know who their master is, and don’t want to approach the other parent as the children don’t think the other parent loves them.
They use these words to manipulate and triangulate you with the children.
“Isn’t mummy/daddy grumpy today.”
“I’ll let you, But mummy/daddy wouldn’t.”
“Daddy / Mummy is too strict or regimented.”
“Aren’t you happy you look exactly like me.”
“Have this money, but don’t tell Daddy/Mummy as they’ll be annoyed with you for taking it.”
A lot will fight tooth and Nail for their children, anyone perceived to criticise the children, from teachers to managers of the team sport they play, will feel the wrath of the narcissist, if their child isn’t picked for a first-team spot, they will, condemn the choices of others. Stomp off with the child. They will use this to appear like they are the doting daddy, the best mummy. A perfect parent that wants the best for their children.
If the child is behind at school, or in popularity, you will be blamed, and it will be all your fault if the children are not the best at everything.
If you’ve separated, what they once told you was good about your parenting, will now be turned against you, what a terrible parent you are, how you’re damaging the children. They will use the children to draw any emotional gain they can from you; however, they can, if they walk away from the children, it’ll be because “you’re bitter and twisted.” And will not allow them to see the children, you may be involved with the type of narcissist that will battle for custody because you’re crazy. If safeguarding issues are in place, so you stop access, they will not see this. As they are never accountable, it’s always someone else’s fault.
Lastly, they have children for a legacy, so they believe they will live on, they believe their greatness lives on through the achievements of their children. “ they get their brains from me.” Or “They get their sporting abilities from me.” The narcissist will always take the credit for what the children achieve. They don’t believe the child achieves anything, and they believe that they caused the children’s achievements.
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