Do narcissists have some form of the written handbook? Or do all go to the same school?
The more you read or hear the story’s about others’ dealings with narcissists, the more you realise you’re far from alone in this. Others have been through seemingly the same identical stories as you. You can relate so much to what others said happened to them, how you are feeling, and you no longer feel alone.
They even use the same Gaslighting phrases. “ My ex was crazy.” “You’re too sensitive.” “That never happened.” “You made me do it.” “If only you’d.” “I’m sorry YOU feel that way.” “You need help.” And all the others.
The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, so if they have the disorder, they do have the same character traits. Yet, as they are individuals, they do use them all different. Depending on the type of narcissist you’re dealing with, malignant is one of the most dangerous forms. Yet, you do need to be careful around any narcissist, as those without empathy towards others. If they think they can get away with something, they will act on it.
The narcissistic personality disorder is a disorder, and they do need to have at least five traits to have the disorder these are.
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. Exaggerating achievements and talents.
2. Preoccupied with ultimate success. Lives in a fantasy world of power, control, dominance, brilliance.
3. Superiority. Believing they are special and above all others.
4. Entitled. Feels entitled to have all their own needs met, demanding, manipulative and controlling.
5. Excessive admiration. A constant need for excessive admiration.
6. Exploits others. Takes advantage and manipulates others to get their own needs met.
7. Lack of empathy. Can not truly connect with how others are feeling.
8. Envious and jealous. Hate people who have something they want, also believing others are envious of them.
9. Arrogant. An exaggerated sense of their own abilities and behaviours.
There are so many similarities, yet there are also differences.
So although their behaviours appear similar, it all depends on the narcissist. If eight of you were all with a classic narcissist, you would have eerily similar stories. If eight of you were with a vulnerable, you’ll all have similar stories, yet because they can cross over depending on the situation and manipulation needed at the time they use it, if one of you is with a malignant, you’ll still have a few Story’s similar as the other sixteen people who weren’t with a malignant.
It’s a personality type. They are very similar. Some will be more physically violent, others will use no physical violence, a lot like to try and strangle you, yet there is those who will not. They do cross over. All use psychological manipulation. Most, if not all, will use the Silent Treatment. Yet, some will use it more often than others, or some will go more for the disappearing act, others will use the present silent treatment more, some will spit and slap, some may punch, some will destroy property, others will not, or some like to bite or kick, some even headbutt walls and doors, etc., some do not. They all gaslight; some are smarter than others in doing so; those who are smarter will use gaslighting as their primary manipulation method. All will use your weakness to threaten or provoke to gain reactions to blame you. They all have similar behaviours. They just use the tactics on different levels. Some rage and turn to physical violence, and others plan your downfall more carefully. Most will pity play at some point, the victim narcissist most often, and even if they’re not a covert narcissist, all will manipulate covertly any way they can. They all want control of those around them. Due to their lack of Cognitive Reflection skills, they all believe in their own version of reality. Some will use a False apology if they think they can gain something by doing so.
Most will Idealise you, Devalue you and then Discard you. Most will come back with the Hoover. There is, however, the odd one that’s too lazy to do so.
Narcissists all need attention, positive or negative; they all need control and power, they all seek to destroy those who criticise them, they all have no genuine emotional empathy, and they all see those around them as an extension of themselves. They all exploit people. They all see others as an object to pick up and put down when they can meet a need.
When we turn the hot tap on for a warm bath, they charm people for positive emotions and positive attention and admiration.
When we turn the cold tap on for a drink, they turn to silent treatment, anger and rage for negative emotions, negative attention, and so people fear them or walk on Eggshells around them.
Narcissists just use people to meet a need of their own, with no regard for others’ feelings.
Their reality is reality, and yours isn’t of value to them.
You will always be wrong, even when you’re right.
Rule 1, a narcissist is always right.
Rule 2 if a narcissist is wrong, rule 1 applies.
As a narcissist can not self reflect, nothing is ever their fault or problem. They will project and blame-shift, and once done, they’ve escaped all accountability, take no responsibility for their own actions and never learn from their mistakes as to them it’s always someone else’s fault, forever repeating their own negative life cycle.
If you ever questioned if you were a narcissist, yet you felt like you were to blame for everything that goes wrong, and you have empathy towards others, you are not a narcissist.
A narcissist can not self-trust. Therefore, they don’t trust those around them.
They have self-entitlement and believe others are here to serve them to meet their demands simply.
They all lie, and they all manipulate.
They all have a false perception of humanity; therefore, all those around them are never to be trusted.
Some are needy, some are Passive-aggressive, some are aggressive, and some are grandiose.
Some are highly successful, and some cannot be bothered to work.
They love bomb, devalue, smear, discard, destroy and then most hover.
They all hit that cycle of the repeat. A washing machine stuck on autopilot, while ever we allow them to continue.
Not everyone is a narcissistic person. Yes, most people have one trait. Just because someone is self-confident doesn’t make them a narcissist. If someone is woe is me without the other characteristics, they are not a narcissist. Some people go silent when they are hurt. They will then talk and explain. They don’t do it to manipulate, they do it because they don’t have the words, and when they do, they’ll talk. Without the other traits, they are not narcissistic. Narcissists deploy the silent treatment to hurt others and gain control.
So why do narcissists all act the same? It’s merely because they all have the same disorder, Narcissistic personality disorder.
They want to be the puppet masters.
Research suggests there are seven types on the spectrum.
Then the subtypes
Although researchers have suggested, that there is also the inverted cerebral vulnerable, but some say that’s the other seven crossings over, which they do cross over.
Narcissists are incredibly negative, toxic people. They either do not feel positive emotions like joy, happiness, pleasure, peace, hope, gratitude, love, satisfaction, interest, amusement, relief, confidence. At least they can not create those feelings within themselves by being a genuine person. They meet those feelings from the attention they gain from others, as they don’t seem to be able to self regulate these emotions, they don’t last, and they go around zapping them out of those close to them. Those close to them are often left with physical and mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, and CPTSD. So the narcissist moves on to drain the life out of someone new. Most feel negative emotions, envy, greed, lust, anger, resentment, and desire, which their negative emotions are what most often feeds their drive to destroy those around them.
Most are either completely lacking or stunted in the feelings of guilt, remorse, or empathy as to why they are able to hurt others without a care seemingly. Those who do feel these at the moment will quickly shift the blame, so they no longer feel them.
So it’s less like they read from one book and more like hepatology.
Which seven types of narcissists is somewhat ironic, seen as they all follow the seven deadly sins, and they literally kill off the spirit from those around them.
The seven deadly sins.
Pride, excessive belief in own abilities.
Envy. for all other traits, status, possessions, abilities or situations.
Gluttony, they steal everything from others even if they do not need it.
Anger, hot or cold, passive or aggressive, desire to hurt or punish others.
Greed, for materialistic items, always wanting the best.
Sloth, avoidance of physical or spiritual work.
Which sums up the emotional traits of the people on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum. Why do they operate with very similar stories?
The bottom line is they all have a personality disorder, the narcissist personality disorder, they all feel entitled, and they all exploit and use others to meet a need of their own.
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who stay in their own lane and do good by others, are pleased for others, look at others and think, wow, I could do that, without taking others out, and there are those who try to cross lanes to cut people up, destroy others to build themselves up. Not all people who are negative are narcissists, yet all narcissists are negative.
If you’ve dealt, or you are dealing with anyone like this within your life, be it a parent, Siblings,, in-laws, child, boss, friend, those who threaten, those who invalidate your feelings. You might fear speaking up or out against them. There are help and support systems available. Always call the relevant authorities as soon as someone tries to threaten you, save all emails, messages, photos etc., as evidence.
If you need to take action, set time aside each day to sort, think and take action on what you need to, then use your conscious thoughts to get on with the rest of your day and look for a better life for yourself. Things you’d like to accomplish for yourself in the future? What are you good at? What do you enjoy? Reach out to those who’ve lived it to give you the understanding and clarity, and often a good mind dump can help, seek appropriate treatment like EMDR. Some people can self recover, and some need extra support and guidance. Look for ways that suit you to overcome Anxiety and find the right coping strategies for you. Get some exercise, meditation, listen or watch uplifting things. In the Smear Campaigns, don’t worry what others say about you. What they think of you is none of your business. Only you define yourself.
Most importantly, laugh, find your sense of humour, whatever that humour is for you.
When you wake in the morning feeling low and drained, you’re far from alone, stop yourself, don’t start looking for reasons for why you feel low, no matter how hard, stand tall and put that big smile on your face, and look for all the things that make you feel happy, when something hits that day to bring you down, because life is hard at times don’t do the why me? Do what is this teaching me? Take a moment to deal with it. If you can not, let it go and move on, find something good, go back to it later if you must, and leave it if you can. Each and every moment is a moment in time and once done, it’s done, so try to make the most, and when it hits hard, remember it’s a moment. It will pass, and it’ll pass quicker if you help it pass.
No, it’s not easy to start. However, it’s possible, and the more you try, the easier it becomes.
Sometimes it can feel like you’re doing so well, then bam, out of nowhere, another storm hits. These storms pass, don’t look at it as a problem, or you’ve not made it yet. Life is about growth. Everything grows, and when it’s not growing, it’s dying, flowers lose their petals, to flower again, trees lose their leaves faster in storms, ready to come back the next year after a little bigger and a little brighter than the year before.
When those storms hit, it’s either to remind you of how far you’ve come or to tell you to changes direction, and it’s up to you which you do. Storms are never for you to remain stuck.
Sometimes our comfort zone is so uncomfortable, yet we stay for fear of the unknown, yet once we face the fear and step into that unknown, we see our old comfort zone was never that comfortable in the first place.
Stay safe, stay happy, tell yourself you can, and you will.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.
Why a narcissist will not let you go.
The smear campaign.
Changing your limiting beliefs.