Some signs you are dealing with a narcissist.
People can have one or two of the Characteristics for narcissism. Some are human nature, which doesn’t mean they are a true narcissist; they could just be a negative person or very confident within themselves. They could just be having a bad day. If they don’t go around exploiting others, if they don’t have a sense of entitlement within them, if they can show genuine empathy towards others, if they can admit to mistakes, offer a genuine apology, and accept responsibility. They most likely do not have the disorder. Observe the actions of those around you. It’s not just what they say, it’s also what they do, also listen to how they speak of others, do they put people down who are doing well? Do they exaggerate their own achievements to sound better than what they are to sound better than someone else’s? Do they put you down on things you’re doing or make you question yourself with? “Are you sure?” “Do you really want to?” When you’re trying to take your life somewhere, Do they seem to want to hold you back? Sometimes it’s best to keep your dreams to yourself because not everyone will be happy for you.
Not all people that show some of these signs have the disorder; some people are just charming; others lack patience, but here are some warning signs.
Red flags you’re dealing with a narcissist.
Superficial Charm. They are extremely charming at the start. Perfect in every way, and they move your relationship forward fast. Often wanting to move into your home quickly. Nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist needing somewhere to live.
Fast involvement. They need you, and no one else has ever understood them as you do; they’ve never met anyone like you before. Very quick at saying I love you.
After the charm and quick involvement, they can be quick to turn into someone you didn’t meet. Leaving you to wonder what just happened.
Attention. It’s all about them. They use me, my and I a lot within their sentence structure. As to a narcissist, it is all me, myself and I. They have a real sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration. Seeking constant praise, if they do anything, they want recognition for doing it, nothing is done from the goodness of their own heart. It’s either for attention or to exploit someone in some way. The fragile, vulnerable narcissist will often play the victim for attention, the grandiose they hero, and they can cross over to meet their need at any time.
Patience. As they have an exaggerated sense of self-importance. Pay close attention to see if the person is quick to anger if something doesn’t go their way, such as when stuck in traffic, no parking spot, or in a restaurant waiting to be served. Fast food taking longer than they want, and everyday life look for how they treat others, too. How do they act towards other people around you? Listen to how they talk about others. Do they discuss friends, family, and staff in a positive way, or do they criticise those around them?
Conversation. When first getting to know them, they might ask a little too much about you, things you feel uncomfortable discussing. They will then quickly talk more and more about themselves. Some people do this anyway, but if they don’t seem to be genuinely listening to what you’re saying, not having that two-way conversation, more of a competition, and only interpreted in their own opinion and thoughts, they’re only interested in getting to know how they can use you, and what they can use against you.
Controlling. At first, they might ask where you want to go. Then it’ll soon be all about what they wish to—wanting to know where you are and when, making important decisions without you, taking over the Finances, wanting your passwords, controlling the Conversations. Life outside the family home looks very different to the inside.
Lack of responsibility. Yes, they want Control, control over you. As for responsibility, they don’t want that. Therefore if they do something that society might judge as immoral or wrong, if they make a mistake, as they believe themselves to be perfect, they will shift the blame onto those around them to escape all accountability.
Selfish. Yes, there are some very selfish people in society, and not all are narcissists if they seem to think the world owes them something, spend all your money before their own, or they don’t have much as money as the said at the start of the relationship and are now dependent on your cash. Some might shower you with their money, then when you’re in too deep, find ways to stop you from earning money, so you’re reliant upon them for money. Often narcissists think they’re invincible and above the law. Narcissists have double standards, so they are happy for you or someone to do for them, yet they are unlikely to do it in return. They Expect special favours from those around them and unquestioning compliance with their expectations. They will rarely do any favours in return.
They lack in respect of other boundaries. They are the toddler who never grew up, never learned right from wrong, just how to Sulk, pity play, stomp their feet, intimidate, and demand to get their own way, or you suffer until their needs get met. How to spot a narcissist, say no and watch all the manipulative methods they go through.
Stubborn. Yes, people can be opinionated and stubborn, yet genuine people will see others viewpoints, or look, even if they disagree. It’s when someone is stubborn to the extreme on their own views, only ever interested in their personal opinion.
Isolation. They come on very strong, want you to move away from friends and family, they need admiration and to be the centre of attention.
Genuine empathy. They seem to lack empathy for others, watching something where most would be feeling towards what the character is going through, yet the narcissist would not relate to how they feel or even say they deserved it in some way, treating animals poorly. They have a remarkable inability or unwillingness to recognise the needs and feelings of others. They will do very little or nothing at all to help those around them unless they can get something in return from it.
Critical. They may be critical of you or others. Then they brush it off with, you’re too sensitive, you’re too emotional, I’m only messing, joking, you misunderstood me etc.
Stories about exes. All the exes are crazy, yes we can all have one or two crazy exes depending on how many relationships they’ve had, but all??? they will not want you talking to any of the exes.
Gaslighting. You’re questioning yourself more and more. They would Gaslight and project any of their own insecurities onto others, when someone who claims they love you calls you insecure, sensitive, crazy, claim you have mental health problems, they’re doing it to gaslight if you were to have problems or past trauma to overcome, which most of us do.
Exaggeration. They will Exaggerate and lie about any achievements or talents. They lie about past accomplishments or exaggerate what they have achieved.
Time. Wants every second of your time, calls and messages to see if you’re ok all the time. This seems really sweet at first. Yet, they soon start sulking when they can not get hold of you. They might begin to give you the silent treatment. Or some are so busy at work! They give you little time but enough to keep you hooked because their work is another partner.
Envy. Very Jealous of what others are, or resentful what others have. They are incredibly envious of others and believe others are envious of them. They behave arrogantly. They seem conceited, boastful. They really want and think they’re entitled to the best. They even expect and insist on having the best of everything, for example. The best clothes, the best car and the best house holidays and the best of everything, they or you can afford to give them.
Addictions. May have substance or gambling issues.
Exploit. Mistreating people, using others to meet a need of their own, only calling that friend or family member if they want something, ignoring people who don’t jump every time they ask them to. They are more than happy to Take advantage of others to get what they want.
A few more.
- They have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted.
- They will react with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior.
- They have great difficulty regulating their emotions and their own behaviour.
- They have major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change, and they may not show this to others.
- They can feel depressed and moody because they fall short of their own sense of perfection the insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation, these are often hidden within themselves,
- They will Lie about anything and everything, often believing their own lies.
- They will Project all their feelings onto you.
- They can be violent, especially when caught out on a lie. They will twist and turn your words in any way possible.
- They give you the silent treatment.
- They talk badly about you to everyone around them, often making up stories of what you are doing to them, when in fact, they are doing it to you.
- They might cheat or have cheated in most if not all previous relationships, seemingly with little to no remorse or blaming the crazy exes for their infidelity.
- They take no financial responsibility, often taking as much money from you as they can.
Signs within yourself.
When something just feels off about someone, Making excuses up for why things just don’t add up with them.
When you start to justify someone else’s bad behaviour, it’s time to see it for what it is and not for who you want to see and walk away.
When someone is testing your Boundaries constantly, they don’t have respect for you, and it’s time to walk away.
Your instincts are warning you. If something in your gut feels wrong, something usually is wrong.
Most have one personality trait of a narcissist, so don’t worry about someone who likes to achieve a lot if they don’t go around exploiting others or someone with less patience if they don’t start having a go at others.
Don’t misjudge a confident person if they don’t go around putting others down. If a confident person raises others up, then they’re just confident and want to see others happy.
Look at the bigger picture within a person. Look for the actions, not their words. Do the actions match the words?
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.