The Narcissists Envy.
Jealousy is a common emotion. We are human with emotions, so most of us have been jealous at one point or another in our lives, something you wish you had, or someone cheated on you, a place someone visited that you’d like to go to, in fact, something like that, genuine people could say, “I’m so jealous I’d love to visit there.” normal human behaviour, sometimes low self-esteem can cause this in genuine people, jealously a feeling of discontentment, or a longing for something another person has.
With a narcissist, jealousy often means to envy and destroy. They can lack self-esteem. Therefore they are incredibly envious of everything around them, not that they’ll show it to those around them. A narcissist believes that everyone around them has something they don’t, and they want it. They can be jealous of their children for many reasons. The main one is if they are getting more attention than the narcissistic parent, often why when the children succeed at something, it’ll all be down to the narcissist if that’s the narcissist claiming they helped them achieve it, or it’s from the narcissist’s DNA. The narcissist will always take the credit and try to turn the attention back onto themselves.
Most people deal with their jealousy internally. As they can be embarrassed by it, a narcissist will tell those close with comments like, “They must have received an inheritance to afford that.” And things like, “They only got that because someone gave them a hand. I’ve had to do everything for myself.” Please note just because some people say these things. If they don’t have other traits, they are not a narcissist, Narcissism is a disorder on a spectrum, and they will have the characteristics even if they show some less than others.
The narcissist will try to sabotage anything and everyone around them that the narcissist is envious of.
A narcissist believes everything is a competition that they need to win. They think it’s unfair for others to have something they don’t have. They don’t think others should be happy. Narcissists feel entitled to have whatever they want in every way about everything, which is why they are so envious of everything. A narcissist will create a competition you know nothing about, so they can set you up to lose. As many narcissistic people cannot sustain or even achieve their own self-worth, they must get it from those around them. Their own reflective coping mechanism means they have to get it through others to meet their needs. Either directly through attention or indirectly through unfair contests, they create to win. This is to combat their inner self-hatred and their shame. A narcissist will deny these feelings often to their inner selves and those around them. If they don’t win, they feel self-hatred, and they have to take action to cover it up and make themselves feel better. This is why when they are jealous of sympathy or attention others get, they will create a smear campaign which is designed to ruin that person’s name so the attention is directed onto them. A Narcissist might steal, ruin or destroy others’ possessions. They will try to control those around them that, in their minds, are working against them by simply not having the same opinions and not putting the narcissist first in everything they do. Their attempts to destroy people and items they are envious of, while these are harmful and can be dangerous towards those around them, it has nothing to do with the person the narcissist is trying to destroy and everything to do with the narcissist not feeling enough, when a narcissist feels inferior, when they can not compete, they can not win, to regain their feelings of superiority they set out to destroy others through endless games set for the narcissist to win and those the narcissist is envious of to fail, thus making themselves feel better. Instead of coping with their inner insecurities and feelings, they project them onto others. This is their coping mechanism, making it someone else’s problem, someone else’s fault. When they feel jealous and envious, it can trigger their inner shame, which can result in their rage. When narcissists feel jealousy or envy, they will create a defensive scenario in their own heads, or in reality, if you speak with someone they don’t want you speaking to, they’ll flirt with someone in front of you to provoke feelings of jealousy within you, to gain your reaction, to deflect this onto others by blaming them of being jealous or envious of the narcissist. It is pitiful to some and scary to others. The lies they tell about others to you, the lies they tell others about you, which is actually about them, isn’t actually about you in the first place. It’s all to validate themselves at the expense of other people.
A narcissist’s accusations are often the narcissist’s confessions.
Signs of envy. The narcissist’s envy, seeking to destroy those they are envious of, believing others are envious of them.
- Trying to outdo others.
- Repeatedly putting others down.
- Rarely congratulating others.
- Always finds the negative in others achievements.
- Talks badly of others.
- Claims others have all the luck.
- Discredits others achievements.
- Talks highly of themselves or blames others for their troubles.
- Doesn’t offer any encouragement.
- Not supportive of others.
- Doesn’t like others receiving praise.
- They don’t compliment others, only flattery.
- False or insincere praise.
- Takes credit for others achievements.
- Humiliates people.
- Downplays others success.
- Hold a lot of grudges.
- Lack of interest in others achievements of success.
You can not help a narcissist by trying to prove they are wrong, their beliefs, their internal dialogue has been that narcissists thinking for a long time, it’s nothing you did, it’s who they are, it’s nothing you have done, there is nothing you can do. They are not someone who can be fixed with your understanding or compassion. A narcissist will exploit these qualities within you. You can not reassure a narcissist, they exploit others for a living, and there is nothing you can do for a narcissist to help them. They will just twist it all around back onto you, again to validate to themselves that they are not the problem, even if, to you, it makes no sense at all. There is no point in explaining or defending yourself to them about motives you do not have, things that did not happen, or emotions you do not feel when they come at you with something. You will never be able to prove something to another, who is unable or unwilling to believe it, or worse, will use your explanations against you to make you feel worse so they can feel better.
One of the cures for jealousy is self-improvement, something a narcissist cannot do for themselves, as they do not see themselves as a problem. You did not cause it, you can not change yourself to help cure them, and you cannot control their rage. It’s their disorder, and it’s on them. However, you can change the direction of your life and create a much happier one for yourself.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. Where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.