Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Part of discovering About the narcissist personality disorder has most of us questioning if we are the narcissist or not, so how can we tell?
Is it a case that we are all on some level a narcissist? Is it a case of healthy narcissism and destructive narcissism?
The main things that define someone as a narcissistic person is lack of empathy towards others, so if you can feel for others, or you can put yourself in another’s shoes, then you are not a destructive narcissist, the other is entitlement, so if you only feel entitled to what you’ve earned, we are allowed to earn and achieve things in a positive, helpful way, then you are not a narcissist. Lastly Exploitation, a narcissist uses and exploits others to get their own needs met, so if you don’t go around taking advantage of others without a care for how this would make them feel, you are not a narcissist.
Most of us have a trait or two, which is what makes us doubt ourself, you do need all the traits to be on the disorder, also when we are around negative, narcissistic people, their toxic energy can rub off on us, this does not make you have the disorder, just become aware of the people you have in your life.
When someone is going somewhere, we would love to visit, we can be jealous, yet healthy narcissism means we are happy for those who are going. So we can hear of another person achievement and think. ”wow, I wish I was doing that.” yet be pleased for them and want them well. Narcissists are envious, meaning they don’t think the other person deserves what that person has worked for, and the narcissist feels that person had stolen from them, so the narcissist often seeks to ruin that persons achieve, in many manipulative harmful ways.
We can learn to love ourselves, yet not use that love to destroy others, use it to build others up.
We can be confident within ourselves, which is a must to feel more fulfilled, yet we don’t want, need or feel better than others. We believe everyone is a unique which is healthy narcissism.
With our human needs, in our subconscious, whatever we do in any minute of any day it is fulfilling our own needs. Any action, emotion or feeling is driven around our human needs.
Our drive is our subconscious human needs. Love and connection, contribution, growth, uncertainty, certainty and significance. These can be met negatively, neutrality or positively.
A narcissists world revolves around themselves on a conscious level, they are fulfilling their needs only, and always looking for the quick, easy fix so needs are meet negatively. They fill all their human needs in a negative way, meaning they always circle around in their own inner unhappiness, never contributing to others in a positive way, only if they have something to gain by doing so, never growing in a positive way and always circling around the Same miserable patterns of the lives they’ve created for themselves.
People who are not on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum, subconsciously the world also revolves around themselves. Yet they contribute to others in a positive way, not knowing its actually fulfilling their own needs. It makes them feel good helping others, yet it’s done with good intentions and a kind heart.
So a destructive narcissist is negatively fulfilling their human needs, as it’s easier and quicker, yet they forever cycle around those same old patterns never fulfilling them the positive way, leading and extremely unhappy negatively life.
There is also psychopaths that are on the narcissistic spectrum. These can be extremely dangerous. We also have sociopaths that are on the narcissistic spectrum again these can be extremely dangerous.
Some people can have high levels of narcissism traits in all areas, yet still, have empathy. Does this make them a narcissist, that depends they are not entirely as they are not on the spectrum, yet if they meet these needs in quick fix destructive ways, it does make them extremely negative, and extremely toxic, you can still be around these kinds as they are not always dangerous, so you just need to limit your time, understand where you think on a gallon level, they are only capable of thinking on a pint-sized level.
Some people are confident, take selfies, most people lie, yet they do so to protect someone, most of us like to call these white lies, and those who do often feel guilty and horrible afterwards. Someone on the disorder which lies does it to protect themselves only, and only feels shame if someone finds out. They do not feel guilty.
Humans have a fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode to protect themselves, those on the narcissistic personality disorder, somewhere most often due to childhood trauma turned to fight mode. To defend themselves not understanding it’s only detrimental to their happiness, it becomes a way of life, and the more they protect themselves, the more they destroy others.
Those not on the disorder when around a narcissist might go into fight mode, not realising you’ve been manipulated and provoked you may lash out at the narcissist, does this make you a narcissist? No, this makes you human, with a defensive mechanism. Some of us do manage to avoid going into flight mode if we’ve not been manipulated too much and get out fast, some freeze and stay stuck never changing never growing, until one day they get sick and tired of being sick and tired and leave, others fawn, unwittingly giving in to the narcissist’s demands, for fear of what will happen to them if they were to stand up to the narcissist.
Abuse is abuse, so if someone is abusive towards you. Mental or physical, you need to stay clear. If they are a narcissist or not.
Some toddlers have narcissism as do some teenagers, and it’s a healthy part of growing up. Yet they are not a narcissist, and they are not on the narcissistic personality disorder.
So no we are not all on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum, yet most of us carry traits of narcissism, those who do in a healthy way are not narcissists. Those who hurt others and destroy others are abusive people we need to stay away from.
If it’s detrimental to your mental and physical health, you need to safely remove them from your life, no contact or grey rock, those who are not harmful and you can see them for what the are, you can just limit contact.
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