Overcoming narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Part of discovering About narcissistic personality disorder has most of us questioning if we are the narcissist or not, so how can we tell?
Is it a case of we are all on some level a narcissist? Is it a case of healthy narcissism and destructive narcissism?
The main thing that defines someone as a narcissistic person is lack of empathy towards others, so if you can feel for others or you can put yourself in another’s shoes then you are not a destructive narcissist.
Most of us have a trait or two, which is what makes us doubt ourself, you do need all the traits to be on the disorder.
When someone is going somewhere we would love to visit we can be envious, yet healthy narcissism means we are happy for those who are going.
We can learn to love ourselves, yet not use that love to destroy others, use it to build others up.
We can be confident within ourselves which is a must to feel more fulfilled, yet we don’t want, need or feel better than others we believe everyone is unique healthy narcissism.
With our human needs, in our subconscious whatever we do in any minute of any day is fulfilling our own needs. Any action, emotion or feeling is driven around our human needs.
Our drive is our subconscious human needs. Love and connection, contribution, growth, uncertainty, certainty and significance. These can be met negatively, neutrality or positively.
A narcissist world revolves around themselves on a conscious level, they a fulfilling their needs only, and always looking for the quick easy fix so needs are meet negatively. They fill all their human needs in a negative way, meaning they always circle around in their own inner unhappiness, never contributing to others in a positive way, only if they have something to gain by doing so, never growing in a positive way and always circling around the Same miserable patterns of the lives they’ve created for themselves.
People who are not on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum, subconsciously the world also revolves around themselves. Yet they contribute to others in a positive way, not knowing its actually fulfilling their own needs. It makes them feel good helping others, yet it’s done with good intentions and a kind heart.
So a destructive narcissist is fulfilling their human needs in a negative way, as it’s easier and quicker, yet they forever cycle around those same old patterns never fulfilling them the positive way, leading and extremely unhappy negatively life.
There is also have psychopaths that are on the narcissistic spectrum these can be extremely dangerous. We also have sociopaths that are on the narcissistic spectrum again these can be extremely dangerous.
Some people can have high levels of narcissism traits in all areas yet still have empathy. Does this make them a narcissist, that depends they are not entirely as they are not on the spectrum, yet if they meet these needs in quick fix destructive ways, it does make them extremely negative, and extremely toxic, you can still be around these kinds as they are not always dangerous so you just need to limit your time, understand where you think on a gallon level, they think about themselves only and on a pint-sized level.
Some people are confident, take selfies, most people lie, yet they do so to protect someone, most of us like to call these white lies, and those who do often feel guilty and horrible afterwards. Someone on the disorder who lies does it to protect themselves only, and only feels shame if someone finds out. They do not feel guilty.
Humans have a fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode in order to protect themselves, those on the narcissistic personality disorder, somewhere most often due to childhood trauma turned to fight mode. In order to protect themselves not understanding it’s only detrimental to their own happiness, it becomes a way of life and the more they protect themselves, the more they destroy others.
Those not on the disorder when around a narcissist might go into fight mode, not realising you’ve been manipulated and provoked you may lash out at the narcissist, does this make you a narcissist no, this makes you human, with a defensive mechanism. Some manage to go into flight mode if they’ve not been manipulated too much and get out fast, some freeze and stay stuck never changing never growing, until one day they get sick and tired of being sick and tired and leave, others fawn, wear them just conform to the narcissistic persons every demand.
Abuse is abuse so if someone is abusive towards you. Mental or physical you need to stay clear. If they are a narcissist or not.
Some toddlers have narcissism as do some teenagers, it’s a healthy part of growing up. Yet they are not a narcissist and they are not on the narcissistic personality disorder.
So no we are not all on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum, yet most of us carry traits of narcissism, those who do in a healthy way are not narcissists. Those who hurt others and destroy others are abusive people to stay away from.
If it’s detrimental to your mental and physical health, you need to safely remove them from your life, no contact or grey rock, those who are not harmful and you can see them for what the are, you can just limit contact.