Overcoming narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw-Life Coach.
Ways the narcissist will try and destroy you.
A narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum. So some are extremely dangerous and you’ll need to move miles away from, others will give up as its too much effort, some you can limit contact around so their negativity doesn’t rub off on you.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, no matter where they are on the spectrum, if you’re not extremely careful, they will drain you, mentality, physically, emotionally and financially. Your mental health and your physical health will suffer.
You may like to see the good in all those around you and want to help, especially those you love. Narcissistic people are often extremely good at making you believe they have changed or that they want to change and convincing others to help them.
If you’re annoyed with yourself for how many times you’ve forgiven them if you’ve taken them back endless times believing they have changed. If you’re trying not to fall for another hoover. Remember before when you fell for one of their schemes to win you back.
When you’ve taken them back before, your body will have released dopamine, which gives you a natural high, with all the narcissists’ false promises and treating you so well, you will believe this time it will work.
It’s all in the narcissists’ games, to love bomb you, raise you so high, then devalue you and then come back to rescue you or discard you, then come back to rescue you.
All these highs and lows keep you trauma bonded from them, the cure, weaning yourself off them if you’re still with them, or cold turkey if they’ve left you, you may think you love them, they’ve actually made you trauma bonded to them, to break this you need limited or no contact.
When they just disappear on you, for a few hours, weeks or days, all one big scheme that ends up with you thinking about them. 24/7 often trying to call and message them, getting in touch with friends and family, trying to reach out and find out if they are ok. Leaving you with abandonment issues and low self-esteem, This may lead you to apologise and begging for forgiveness even though you don’t know what you have done, in order that they stay. Narcissists will not have only done this to you, they will most likely have done it to ex’s and they will most often do this with any future partners they have.
Being overly nice to you, then asking for a loan or some form of favour, they may have been over-generous at the beginning of the relationship, so when they needed something in return, you felt obligated to help, yet they will ask for more help, the more you give, the more they will want and take from you, a lot of people will be left in financial ruin after a narcissistic relationship, some will have signed loans for them, signed houses over, or given them money for business ideas. They may find ways of getting you to pay for everything with pity play, especially those who are unemployed.
Whenever you think you’ve finally figured it all out and made the narcissist happy again, they’ll flick that switch, narcissist will change you into someone you no longer know, who you are, how you dress, what you think and believe, they conditioned you with manipulation methods so you go to them for a reality check, they will also condition you, so everything about you becomes ways of you making them happy, so that they have full control over you. You end up walking on eggshells in order to do your personal best to keep the narcissist happy. You can not keep a narcissist happy, they will just move the goal posts every time you think you’ve figured it out, so you try harder and harder to please them whilst losing more and more of yourself.
When it comes to separation, divorce and the children, they may seem to play fair in the start, this is in case they change their mind about the new partner. As soon as they know the new partner is hooked, they will them slowly try to ruin you.
After the relationship narcissists believe you deserve nothing, they will tell you, you’re a liar, your a gold digger, you’re harming the children, they will do anything to win at all costs, usually, it’s you and the children that end up paying the price.
A narcissistic relationship can leave you with so many health problems, once you learn what you’re dealing with, you’ll learn if you can co-parent, parallel parent, or have to move miles away from them, friends and family members you suspect is on the spectrum, you’ll learn if you can just limited contact, keep them at arms length, or if you just need to remove them completely from your life.
The only way to win against a narcissist is to stop playing their games, this is extremely hard as they know all your weaknesses and will use them against you, this cuts deep, do not let them know this, do not react to them, if at all possible do not respond, someone who cares about you would not use your weaknesses against you, whatever they do, nasty or nice, they are in it for one person only, themselves.
It is extremely hard to start, especially if they are using the children, learning they don’t think like we do, they don’t truly care its all an act to get their needs met and keep us confused, helps us make sense of it and not reacting or responding, gets easier and life becomes peaceful, some narcissistic people will up the games, stay focused and stay strong.
You can recover, heal and go onto have a lovely happy, more peaceful life. You just have to work one you, once you start, if you have any setback, learn from them and keep moving forward to a much happier life for you.