Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Yes, a simple drive in a car with a narcissist can lead to further manipulate of you, as most of you will know.
A narcissistic person likes power and control and will use a car journey as a perfect excuse. If they are going somewhere, they don’t want to, and they will go all out to ruin it for you. If they feel criticism in some way either before or during the journey, to take back power and control over you. The criticism could have happened days or weeks ago, at that moment before getting into the car, or during the journey.
Narcissistic people trap their targets in many ways, from the love bombing in the start, onto the relationship, hooking you in, getting you addicted to them through trauma bonding and the human needs, through all the highs and lows they put you through. They trap you through financial abuse, either making it so you can no longer work. Or guilt-tripping you into taking loans out for them, some will take loans out in your name without you even knowing. The devaluation traps you into working harder to please them, through all the gaslighting the way they discard without closure traps you with them running around your mind. Isolating you from friends and family. Smearing your name, so no one understands you, taking you to court while you’re hurt and confused to inflict more devastation on you.
- They might have been the narcissist that wanted you to serve them and drive them everywhere.
- Driving at excessive speeds.
- Pulling over miles away from home and telling you to get out of the car and walk.
- Breaking or swerving if you are about to take a drink.
- Breaking hard list to send you flying.
- Overtaking at a dangerous place or at a dangerous speed.
- Causing an argument before arriving at a special event, then walk in all happy, smearing you.
- Giving you the silent treatment.
- assaulting you physically.
- Assaulting you verbally.
- Driving in the dark turning lights off
- Going somewhere then changing direction not letting you know where you are now going.
- Swerving all over the road.
- Questioning you and cross-examining you over something you did or did not do.
- Poking fun at you.
- If you’re driving poking you.
- Driving in silence after provoking an argument, into the middle of nowhere, with that cold dark stare.
- Threatening to drive full speed into something, or over something.
- Saying their point then turning the music up loud.
- They may even get out and walk off.
- They might throw your phone from the car.
- They might provoke you to cause an argumentative, film your confused, angry reactions. Then post to social media to help their smear campaigns against you.
These can have devastating effects on you, leaving you angry, scared, devastated, confident or hurt, depending on the tactic. Often with the narcissists. “I’m only joking.” Or “you’re too sensitive. I was only having a laugh.” Yet you weren’t, and it wasn’t funny, to them that’s the idea to gain power and control over you.
A few ways to move past those memories.
1. If you’ve been in any of these situations, write them out to release them, write what they did and how you felt. Talk to others who’ve been through the same and understand how it made you feel so you can release this and move on.
2. If you are still with a narcissist that uses these tactics. Find a safe way out of the relationship, call women’s aid, men’s aid etc.
3. Try to avoid getting in a car with them if they use this tactic on a regular basis.
4. Once out of the relationship, remind yourself you are safe now, try to find the senses of humour side. I understand this isn’t easy when you’ve been through a traumatic experience, yet a lot of people have discovered finding the humour of the narcissist’s outrageous behaviour, helps them move past the memory of fear.
5. When you can look at the narcissist as a spoilt toddler, trying to demand and get their own way, when you can pity them for being unable to help themselves, this can also help you move forward.
6. Try to think back to the very first time it happened, then what lead up to it. Scream out in anger, say exactly what you’d like to say if they were stood in front of you to them. ( although don’t actually go and say it to them.)
7. When the memories crop up or get triggered, remind yourself you are safe now, bring yourself to the present moment. Or breath counting to 30. Slow deep breaths. Tell yourself “I am safe now.”
8. Your brains memories have emotions attached, so retraining your mind helps move past these traumatic events, often why if you can find the humours side, your mind retrains itself to find the joy in the present moment, as you have reprogrammed that emotional attachment to the memories.
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