Overcoming narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
The narcissist will blame shift to escape accountability, leaving you questioning what actually happened and believing that it’s your fault.
They blame shift, to remain in control, to stay superior and to further manipulate you into questioning your own sanity.
They will never accept true responsibilities, they will only falsely apologise if they believe they have something to gain by doing so. Whatever they have done they will always point the finger at someone else.
They will also blame shift, to receive your astonishing response and emotional reactions.
”you’re too sensitive” this is so you slowly think your overacting, and over time stop questioning them on things as you doubt yourself the same happens when they answer with. ”your overreacting.” so you question if you are and stop questioning the very person that’s making you feel this way.
“Deal with it.” To them, they are in control, they do not have a problem if you do that’s yours so you need to go and deal with it as they’ll not do so. Also so in future you try to just get on with it and not go to them for help, as when you do, you end up feeling stupid, angry or upset.
“What do you expect me to do about that.” Using this they are blaming no one, yet stating it’s nothing to do with them and they’re not willing to do anything about it and not interested, often leaving you frustrated, or hurt. They expect you to clean up after them, with everything they do, they will tell you how amazing they are and all the things they can do, yet after the love bombing phase, they’ll no longer be interested in doing anything for you.
They happily sit around, whilst you run around after them, the children, the house, paying the bills, taking care of any pets, they may chip in now and again so they can use them. ” I did that last month, why are you so ungrateful.”
“It was your fault.” Most often they’ll not even explain as to why it was your fault, them being late, them cheating on you, it’ll just be one of the. “You made me do it.” They might sometimes say things like. “If you would have done this, then I wouldn’t have had to.” Whatever they’ve been caught out In doing. It’ll be “that wasn’t me.” Or “you’re imagining things.” Or “you made me do it.” As they will never be accountable for their own actions, and to lose any feelings of shame from being caught out, they’ll pass the blame over to you. If they smash a plate, it’ll be your fault, because of something you said or did, something you didn’t cook right, you didn’t serve them first.
If they give you any form of explanation as to why it’s your fault, it’s to leave you feeling bewildered and annoyed.
“You’re crazy.” Again so you question your own mind. Along with. “That didn’t happen.” And “I never told you that.” With a “you’re insane.” Or “you need a mental evaluation.” In the hope, you do actually believe it’s you and at some point most of us do, some will even go as far as to looking good by getting you to the doctor and on antidepressants. Or “you’re losing your mind.” So they can get you to the psychiatrist. Then play the victim and get support from those around them, when they discard you. They then don’t feel shame, as they’ll have smeared your name to those around you. Everyone is left believing you’ve gone mad, and feeling sorry for and helping the narcissists as they believe the narcissist did all they could trying to help you. Not realising it was the narcissist that drove you that way.
“Why do you spoil everything.” They are paranoid and believe you’re out to get them if they ruined an event or an occasion, they will find a way to provoke you, until you react and then blame you for causing the problem in the first place, often leaving you, believing that you were at fault. If they damage property or put their fist through doors or walls, you’ll have in some way made them do it and it’ll be your fault.
“Why do you have to make everything so difficult.” This is when you’ve started to realise who and what they are, started creating boundaries and saying no, you’ll get things like. “Why are you being difficult.” And “Why do you have to be so awkward.” In reality your sticking to who you are. Your truths and how you want to live. Yet they want to break you down, make you give in and they want that power and control back over you. they want you back in the trance doing everything their way.