Why does a narcissist have children?
Narcissists like to repackage their inner shame as a false dream, not only to fake the future for those around them but also to fake the future within themselves.
They could have children for several reasons, none of which are in the child’s best interest.
A narcissist that wants children often wants a child as they rely on you, wanting that happy ever after, wanting you to keep the family unit together. Male or female narcissists believe they can keep you hooked longer if you have a child together. A narcissist also thinks they have a higher chance of the hoover ( trying to get back together with you after you’ve left, or they left you.) if you have a child together.
With a male narcissist, when the female is pregnant, most can not handle it because the narcissist is no longer the priority. They are no longer getting their needs met or requirements of excessive attention. Everyone is now running around after the female, which causes considerable criticism to the narcissist, so a lot will up and leave during the actual pregnancy, often returning after the child is born, but not always. Did you hear the phrase?
“You are my capsule.”
“I’ve chosen you to have my child.”
Some narcissists will pretend to look after the female when pregnant, either because the pregnancy falls in the idealisation stage of the relationship, and the narcissist wants to play hero, or they are the ones that are protecting their interest, which is the child. These narcissists will often be the ones who wish to win full custody of the child when the relationship breaks down but not always.
The female narcissist uses having children for similar reasons, to trap the male to them and always have a pawn to use to draw the male back to them.
Having a child in the narcissist’s mind is just increasing the chance of winning the game of chess with the child as a pawn and the narcissist as a King or Queen. Also, if the narcissist is struggling for a source of supply for a new intimate partner, they know they can pick the child up to use and gain positive or negative attention from. Then when the narcissist meets a new partner, they often, yet not always, ignore the child. Sometimes they will use children to meet partners. Some narcissists will use the child to play the look at me. I’m a great parent. Let’s have a child-together card.
Having a child to a narcissist is a.
1. An illusion to serve themselves.
2. A feel-good story about themselves.
3. Painting themselves into victim mode, when the other parent will not let them see the child or hero mode, as they saved the child from the supposed ’crazy parent.’
4. Creates, for a short time, a distance of brokenness within themselves. This can not last for them as they have not healed their inner trauma. They just cause trauma to those around them.
The narcissist that purposely wants to have children does not have a child to make the child feel loved, safe or cherished. It’s always about the narcissist meeting their own needs.
So they can re-package their own shame and possibly their personal childhood trauma, which they are usually oblivious to. The narcissist lives in a fantasy that never becomes a long-lasting reality. To the narcissist, they themselves are the best and most important person.
When they think about having a child, it’s all about an illusion of serving themselves. They can make up a story to themselves about why they are such a good parent. Some can and will act to outsiders like they are great parents and will tell anyone who’ll listen that they are. Having a child for a narcissist allows them to experience artificial love, attention and validation so that the narcissist can hide from their insecurities.
Having a child that behaves for the narcissist and hangs on the narcissist’s every word, the narcissist sees that child as an extension of themselves, often creating the golden child. The golden child primarily acts how the narcissistic parent wants.
Children who go against the narcissist will be blamed for ruining the narcissist’s dream life. This usually creates the scapegoat child.
As a narcissist lacks empathy, a narcissistic parent cannot be unconditional, empathetic or loving to their child. The narcissist can not genuinely care for the child, not in the same ways those with empathy do. A narcissist can only act like they do when it meets a need of their own.
The narcissist simply tells themselves a story that makes them feel important.
The narcissist feels powerful, like a god for creating life.
The vindictive narcissistic parent.
Usually, because of the judgement they had as a child of being a troublemaker, they felt like they were a disappointment to their own parents, so they can now show everyone how wrong they were about them because they are perfect parents. They will pour attention into the child to prove everyone wrong; however, this is usually when people are watching. It’s not about the child. It never is. The narcissist is meeting their own needs, all so the narcissist can show the world look at me now; I’m a top parent. Yet when no one is looking, they often neglect their own child.
They think a child will heal them from the pain of their own childhood.
They think having a child will show the world how perfect they are. They feel they are superior and better parents than those around them.
They have a child, so someone finally needs them. The narcissist believes a child will always need them, always love them and always take care of them, and never abandon them.
They get a chance to be the parent they never had.
The opposite narcissistic parent.
“My parents never took me to dance or football.” You may have heard that pity play from a narcissist. They will overcompensate and push their own childhood dreams onto their child, not taking into account the child’s wants, needs or wishes.
Not every parent who wants to take their children to activities is a narcissist, and most do it out of love for the child to discover what the child likes to do. The child’s passion. A narcissist forces theirs onto their children.
The narcissist sees the child as an extension of themselves, and they now feel powerful and immortal through the child. To the narcissist, a child will carry on the family legacy. For men, the child will carry the family name on.
What can happen to the children of a narcissist?
Children often adapt themselves to fit the narcissist’s needs.
A child being abused by their parent often doesn’t stop loving their parent; they stop loving themselves.
The child adapts to the narcissist to get love. The child will either try to fill the role of whatever the narcissist wants from the child at any given moment to get CONDITIONAL love from their parents. The golden child will often do all they can to please their parent, or a child will go against the narcissist, the scapegoat child. The narcissist classes the scapegoat child as a bad child.
Both the scapegoat and golden child receive manipulation, and both can experience attachment trauma.
The narcissist will not care for the golden child, yet they will treat the child better than the scapegoat, the child that makes the narcissist look good by conforming to the narcissist’s demands. That child who often obeys also feels responsible for making their parents happy. They will learn tricks of the parent to keep the parent looking happy, and they will never take the spotlight away from the parent. A child of a narcissist can be used as the Golden Child, the scapegoat child or the forgotten child. Depending on the narcissist’s needs at any given time, a narcissist can also cycle around all three with one child.
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Narcissistic parents’ traits can cause attachment trauma within the child.
Narcissist traits – a child’s trauma.
The grandiosity in a narcissistic parent can leave a child feeling that they just cannot do anything right. This starts as a young child and then is often carried into adulthood.
The entitlement of the narcissistic parent can leave children feeling unimportant. Then in adulthood, often putting their needs at the bottom of the list.
The Vanity in the narcissistic parent can leave children feeling like they are just a trophy; this can be carried into adulthood, always feeling like they have to be perfect at something to be liked by others.
The Selfishness in the narcissistic parent can leave children feeling that their needs aren’t important as they’re always ignored, often then in adulthood playing down their needs, and taking care of all others, so others don’t feel how they do.
No empathy in the parent can leave children always feeling misunderstood, then in adulthood, not wanting to speak of their feelings with others, as they were often dismissed or invalidated as a child.
The Competition a narcissistic parent creates can leave children constantly feeling that they were never enough, then in adulthood, either doing very little as they don’t feel enough or overextending themselves to feel good enough.
The manipulation from the narcissistic parent can leave children walking on eggshells.
Being raised by a narcissist can lead children to not know their personal values and beliefs due to always being criticised, judged, humiliated or shamed if they differ from their parents, leaving children to struggle with setting healthy boundaries.
People pleasing.
Neglecting their own wants and needs and becoming fearful of speaking up for themselves.
Being unable to trust in others fully.
Struggling with addictions.
Some people raised by narcissists do become narcissists themselves.
There is also the narcissistic parent that can not handle the child’s competition and walks away, often coming back when they feel the child will fill a need. To others, they will always blame the other ‘ crazy parent ‘ for not allowing access.
Narcissist personality disorder.
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The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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Video for scapegoat child.
Video for the golden and the scapegoat child.
Video on parenting with a narcissist.
I’d love to join your Facebook group. I tried to but it says it’s private. Thank you
Hello, the Facebook page of for everyone so that awareness can be raised, the groups are private so people can discuss in private, you should be able to request to join the group, please let me know if you’re having any issues joining.
I read this and it is exactly like the mother of my children and what she has done. Used to tell me I don’t love or want my kids. Tells everyone that. Now she has gone as far to make false accusations to achieve protective orders. Now will tell everyone that I haven’t tried to contact or send money for the kids. (I can’t for the order) painting this picture of being super mom. I never knew about narcissist until she started calling me one. Now anything I read is like a direct representation of her. It’s crazy. So basically now she has manipulated court systems to keep my children from me
Hello Matt, here’s a link to the support group.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2045726552400278/?ref=share
You may join my Facebook but I would want it on messenger sooo how do you feel about that
Thank You
Reading on this it seems that the people in the psychology field have created a scape goat personality disorder. one person can just blame the others and so on. that doesn’t sound healthy. it is like the opposite of those self-serving horoscopes. They can just blame the others person. label one of them as this and “no one can fix that person you need to move on” they are all individual character defects. They should be dealt with individually one at a time. After really looking inward to find them and having professional outside perspective. Don’t change what is not broken. Such a personality disorder is surely out there but I wanna say this is usually used to single someone out. 
Yes and all too often those who suffer from years of abuse by those on the disorder often end up blaming themselves, while those will NPD blame any problems with their life on those around them.
We have to let people accept responsibility for their actions, and be responsible for our or.
NPD is the reason behind abusive narcissists, and it’s never an excuse for the things they do to others.
Some people can be narcissistic, yet they are not a narcissist.
They need at least five of the characteristics to have the disorder. The main ones being lacking in genuine empathy and exploiting those around them.
In this world, far too many people want the best and try to destroy those around them to take a short cut and often failing,
Rather than understanding it’s the hard work, staying in our own lane, doing things with good intentions and they only people we are in competition with is ourselves, we have to better ourself through owning up to our mistakes and learning from them, narcissists try to better themselves by crushing those around them.
This is sort of what I was reading into this article. The author obviously thinks she was married to a narcissist, and so to remove any blame from herself (and I definitely see some narcisism in her bio), she has decided to make every action a potential narcissistic act.
Posting it as “Words of Wisdom” give her a feeling of value, and superiority for knowing what the problem is.
Taking this post at face value, there is nothing a parent can do that isn’t potentially narcissistic.
Hello, my ex-husband was unique, we are all individuals, yes we all have narcissism within us, there is good narcissism and bad, positive and negative, we can all have one or two traits, you need at least five characteristics to have the disorder.
The ex was abusive and had all nine traits.
“Words of wisdom.” Yes, one of the six human needs contribution, which can be met in so many ways, negatively by stealing from others, being physically or mentally abusive in a relationship, addictions. Or positively, helping others, being protective of our children.
Yes, most thing parents do can be seen as narcissistic, yet it can be done in a positive way, to meet the needs of the children and the parent, or negatively, to only meet the needs of the parent, with no thought to how the children feel.
You have no idea how cruel they are! My daughter wasn’t allowed to even visit me bc her husband was so bad! She was afraid to talk or sit on the couch and relax to watch a movie for fear she would be caught not doing something like cleaning etc. Everything in this article is exactly how my ex son-in-law is. He is dangerous to my grandson due to this. My grandson is only 5 and is already showing signs of his abuse. Not physical but mental which is really bad. It takes a couple days for him to realize he is so loved no matter what once he comes home after being with his evil father. The man will not even speak a word to any of us when picking up or dropping off! Will not even respond if talked to. Now tell me this is normal behavior for anyone! People in insane asylums do better than this.
I dont know the author any better than you but don’t most doctors or nutritionists or race car drivers, teachers, write about what they experience…how would that make them or even this author the ” hudden self loathing Narcissist?…Wine tasters write about the wine they drink, food critics what is or is not good that they have eaten…she is obviously writing about an experience that she has had herself but also what she has learned from others…to say she is trying to pass blame is just as bad as me saying you are probably someone who has tried to get help and failed (because no one would side with you) and now you dont believe in anyone helping you to find peace….and as for parents not being able to do anything that is not narcissistic really exam the difference of what guiding,comforting and supporting or molding a child into your own image, taking away all of their own choices, breaking them and manipulating a persons ability to love themself and another or others is….I am a not perfect parent and I had
flawed mother and kind father, I know the difference…
I would love to collaborate on this story. My husband and I are experiencing this as we speak and would love to share our story.
Obviously you have never known a narcissist!
Your information was spot on in describing my ex son in law. He has damaged our front windshield twice and back windshield once all since September and the most recent being this past Saturday night around 3 in the morning. There are many other things that he does too numerous to share. We are going to your information will be quite benifital when we meet with the attorney next week. Thank you.
Well done for arranging to meet with the attorney, these people do need consequence for their actions.
i have left the legal aid office in tears, called police when my sons dad is doing things that are ‘hersay’ i guess to sum it up…….he is very hateful, angry,cruel and full of unpredictable bouts of rage and abuse…..my 14 yr old is almost to that and is so much more than a typical teen thing but also he is much like his dad and only displays what i cannot begin to describe…the dad orten does things that still cannot get help with…….just the court order scheduled pick ups/drop offs…..have no good support, just community ones and soon i fear that i dunno as i will never hand my son over to that but he is verbally abusive and i know i am doing everything i can to no avail ….any suggestions?
You’re doing amazing, does your son want to see his dad? At fourteen, he should get a say in this within the court system.
I had a child with a guy whom I believe is a narcissist. I also believe that his mother is too and his father and sister may be bipolar. This family is hard to get along with. Anyway, I am no longer with the father of my child. I try my best to get along with him for my daughter’s sake, but it’s very difficult. I guess my question is, how do you get along with a family that has the same difficult qualities for the sake of your child?
Hello Melissa, all you can do is protect you and your children, not let their toxic believe impact how you live your life, knowing that’s who they are.
Grey Rock is often best. A video to explain more on this.
https://youtu.be/0N4WCzR_ULk
I was on my own as a runaway at 14 due to the death of my parents. I had one baby and then met a narcissist when i was 18 and he was 28. He had been to college and the Navy. Five years and i married him twice. He beat me all the time and he was an alcoholic. He kept promising he would quit drinking and quit beating me but it was all lies. Three times he said IF he had a child of his own. Three times i got pg. As Soon as i told him, he would claim i was a whore and it belonged to someone else. He demanded i have an abortion. He would beat me trying to abort the child. WHY would he want me pg only to demand an abortion? No I never cheated on him but he always accused me. Thank God I met some wonderful Christian people who helped me stop this cycle 45 years ago.
Is there any way to get a printer friendly copy of this and other articles to send it to a senior person who doesn’t use a computer? I have long been in a supporting role with someone who was the victim of narcissistic parenting as the scapegoat child. It would be very helpful for other family members to be aware of the patterns so they can stop repeating them.
Wow ! Sounds like an Ex Relative of ours… took Three kids from
Their mom …telling them she didn’t want Them … they were afraid of him do went! After they turned 18…. two of them ignored and the third …. Stockholm syndrome!
Hello. I attempted to get my 2 kids away from their father even hired a GAL (attorney for the kids) and paid for everything. Their narcissistic father convinced the GAL that he was just a good father and they gave him 50/50. The boys are to scared to even tell a counselor how they feel if he is around still and the court battle was in 2018. Should I try to take him back to court or wait? My boys are now 11 and 9, they love him I explain his behavior is not ok and that they should know better but all I can do is worry every week they are with him. My oldest is the scapegoat kid and can’t do anything right. I worry for them so much
No disrespect to anyone here, but someone once said I was ate up with PTSD, yet I see how she was ate up with narcissistic. Yet what label will one come up with to help man serve man to love man on mans life terms? Or am I misunderstanding what one writes as of a disobedient walk from the path He choosen one to be in? Flesh cannot cast out flesh, as you speak in ways of escape, I see how so many judge yet we cannot serve God and mammon. Either the heart is the most deceitful thing, as to mans way of thinking is within mans trates of self help. God bless, if I offended anyone, my apologies for speaking truth here. Truth always offends the oppressor, yet I just try to oppress in learning was to avoid the roots of the mind is all.
Wow that statement was very hard to follow and understand. Could you speak plain English please.
Proud to be a survivor. I found your scapegoat video very interesting so far. Enablers, flying monkeys….all things in my life I have dealt with from experience but never heard the terms. Your advice is spot on.
I would like to know the 9 traits of a narcissist.
Hello, this video explains the nine traits in more detail, hope it helps.
This is my daughter. She’s been diagnosed years ago now has my grandson she’s doing this to. He’s in danger and almost 3. I’m not sure what to do. She needs a stay in a hospital for a 72 he hold but left the dad and married someone just like her but 25 yrs older and she is good 5th marriage. Any advice please
Hello, do you still have contact with your grandson?
What do you do when the child becomes like the person who abused him. Can they be helped
Hello, theirs various ways to help. How old are they? As some teenagers can act narcissistic. Also EMDR treatment can help, as children who suffer from childhood trauma can develop CPTSD, they can appear narcissistic when they are actually trying to protect themselves.
Thank you Elizabeth. My ex has borderline personality disorder. She also has strong bipolar traits. I have felt isolated, afraid, intimidated, threatened, depressed. I’m gradually building boundaries that are working for me and positioning myself to rescue my two little boys from her. We have 50/50 custody. Your descriptions were spot on and I can relate to EVERYTHING you described as well as the comments made by other readers. Thanks for your work.
Keep fighting everyone. Don’t give up. We can survive this.
Elizabeth, I am fighting a narcissist in the court. Lawyers have said “you have the worst case in Dallas.” I am being dragged through the horrible system for almost 3 years with no rulings. I don’t know what to do to get help from a legal standpoint. I can’t even get the judge to agree to getting him psychologically evaluated. I’m desperate for help legally.
Thanks for any pointers you might have. This article is my life. It’s all to control my life through my children.
Hello #thecourtsaidusa they might know of some lawyers in your state that have a better understanding to help you.
I’ve been there before, hang on and stay strong! Back then I was in Chicago and my lawyer told me after 30 years of practice this is the first worst case he ever encountered and my ex-husband is pure evil. Almost 3 years in quart( I sold everything I own to pay the lawyers) after my experience divorce lawyers are pure evil too when they take advantage of people going through this situation) and finally I got My freedom back, of course, I lost everything, that was not enough for him, he stock me &terrorized me for almost 10 years after the divorce than to punish me he decided to cut off the children and never contact them again, that was the best gift he could ever give us. Hang in there dear, be strong I’m sure you’ll find a way( there’s always away) ( never give up) keep your heart with God, ask him for what you want and he will be with you step-by-step, he will never let you down, God is amazing, let him in your world and your heart, and never stop educating yourself. Big hugs and lots of love!
My daughter’s ex is a narcissist, he has physically and mentally abused her and their two sons. The younger son doesn’t seem to be negatively affected but the 12 year old, who was abused the most, is destructive (he has busted walls, doors ,mirrors furniture etc). He is violent ( he has struck his mother, gave me two busted lips, struck us with anything he gets in his hands and has threatened teachers). He attacked his mother and had to be removed in handcuffs, one of the officers said it was really bad. He has no remorse, no conscience and no respect. My daughter had to give temp. custody to the state and he is in a safe house. I fear he will only get worse but it is too dangerous to have him home. They lived with us for nine months and we finally had to tell her to leave for our own safety. She ultimately blamed us for his behavior so we had no choice. Is there anything that will help this child?
My mother was a narcissist.I did not know that was the term to use to describe her until a year after her death as I was going to counseling.I was the golden child and the scapegoat. I was a violinist, started very young, 4 years old. I love the violin so it is not like she made me do something against my will but I knew even as a young child that she was living through me. Be that as it may, my younger brother was the golden child, period. If I was not doing my job at making her look like that “perfect mom, how did she get this so right?” I was the scapegoat. I have memories as young as kindergarten of being blamed for everything my brother did. He found it humorous, getting his sister in trouble, knowing he was “safe” at all times. It got really bad when I was 12. My father, a minister, was the most gentle man in the world. She would demand he “punish” me for things I did not do. This was always physical and I remember mocking him as I grew up, knowing full well she had a death grip on him, emasculating him as a man and father. i would hear her verbally abusing him, him crying, begging her to stop. She knew she could manipulate our family unit by driving a wedge between me and her “men”…dad and Joel. She started abusing my brother in the most heinous way by the time he was 14. She would lock the door and be with him for long periods of time. I remember my father standing in the hallway begging her to “stop, Polly, please stop, open the door”. I sat in the hallway, numb, seeing this this sick pattern play out. Speaking of 12 years old, I will go back to that. When I turned 12 she viewed me as a threat, I had reached puberty and now I truly was an enemy. I was completely shut off….family vacations, I was left with a friend. If she had a minor surgery, she would make sure I was not at home during this time because “I was just so stressful for her” and again I was left with another family. I could go on and on….two things to note before I stop…sometimes I was that golden child because no one really wanted to be around my mom, she really did not have friends so I became her “friend” when she had no one else at the time and we were very close. It was because of those times where she needed me and loved me that I continued to go have hope that this time it would be different. As pertains to other people, as hard as she tried, and sometimes it worked until they were around out family, people knew that there was something wrong with her…Joel was the Golden Child…Dad could not stand up to her, folks, she was pure evil to my father…and that she could change the dynamics of our family in a heartbeat. Both of my parents are gone now. Since mom died its been eye-opening to be with my relatives, both sides of the family, and hearing from them how they saw this dysfunction of how my brother and I were treated so differently. People in my life did try to intervene during these times, only to make her more angry and my life more of a hell than ever…I was “telling lies” about her. Joel and I will heal, its been over a decade and we are just now getting to know one another and I truly believe he has figured out many things that we do not discuss. Thank you for your forum, I found it hard to believe when I saw this on facebook.
Every word in this article make perfect sense. I’ve been dealing with my Narcissistic now ex husband for over 10 years. With little guidance on how to handle him and heal from him. I’m very excited about coming a crossed this! We have two kids together(9yrs and 5yrs)and it’s non stop with him. My kids suffer bc of how he is. And he doesn’t stop trying to use them to hurt me. I try my best to protect them and help give them the tools to not be like him. Any advice, guidance or anything that could help would be a God sent! Thank you!
Yes! My ex-husband ( malignant narcissist! hasn’t talked to our children or seen them for more than 6 years when he ran out of ways to hurt and punish me for walking away from that toxic marriage and once he knew he cannot cover me back, he decided to punish our children. When we were married he actually told me once, I am so jealous of the children I cannot bear it any longer, when I asked why, he wanted me to be that person at the beginning of our marriage all over again, giving him all the attention, day and night 24/7 before we had the kids( as a wife I never neglected him) ( so disturbing ).
He wanted to have the children in the first place but I had to wait for his OK, it was his decision and he was the only person allowed to make all the decisions in the house including when I am allowed to have children. My job as a loving mom to protect my children & myself by walking away from this toxic marriage, I’m grateful he chose not to be part of their life!
After staying single almost for five years or longer, I was discovering myself & trying to work on building we all over again after he broke me, I made another mistake falling for another narcissist(similar narcissist), I almost married him ( two months on the phone talking to him( something was bothering me on the phone, I could not figure it out) he was texting me and nonstop and call me all the time, he distracted me from trying to figure him out, I am not exaggerating when I say he would text me more than 300 times a day ( I met him through online dating) he wanted me to believe that he likes everything I like, and he’s a great and amazing father, and he’s going to love my children and adopt them emotionally and financially, I could take care of my kids but I thought that was really beautiful, also he wanted me to believe he He’s a victim of his last marriage( 20+ years of marriage and his ex-wife was the monster, and his 3 adult sons walked away from him because of her, and his youngest son Cut all communication with him because of his ex-wife, and he blamed his ex-wife that his son becomes gay). For some reason I found myself always sympathizing with his Ex-wife and his sons, immediately something in my heart was telling me she was the victim and she was only trying to protect her children from him. Well I was trying to figure him out he invited me to visit him in Minnesota and he wanted me to bring my sons, I did. I never thought or crossed my mind for a second that he is a narcissist, I thought in the beginning OCD, boy I was wrong! I took the kids we went and stayed with him, Christmas break, somehow he convinced me it was the right time to get married he’s madly in love with me and he loves my children I am the girl of his dream, he did not give me one minute for myself to think about what’s going on around me, Seriously he exhausts me, I hardly slept I was out of energy all that time ( I am athletic and I have so much energy, I was shocked what’s going on with me) he sucked the life out of me in two weeks, I find myself agreeing with him, we went to the City Hall, we filled the marriage papers and he supposed to mail them so we can be legally married, he never did send them ( frankly I was grateful and relieved) I want to scream from happiness! It took me a short time to figure him out and in no time he took off his mask) he was extremely jealous and hateful of my children, hateful of the word he spoke in a negative way about everyone, he argued constantly and found a little thing to fight about and I was trying to become all the time until the last day I lost it. My kids are very respectful super loving, can’t even hear a fly, they have a soft heart, I could not believe that I put my children through this, I was so angry with myself! I lost it when I saw him treating my children in a bad hateful way. The children told my mom we need to leave this house and I could not agree more. Something inside me told me right away to leave quietly, He wanted me to stay longer with him but send the children away to Arizona where we live, my answer was no, once I got home I kissed the floor … I’m home children and me safe from this monster. I remember, Every time he tried to make his ex-wife look bad in my eyes, I would say something kinda and explain to him that her intention was good, I try to build some positive thinking inside his mind and to let go of this anger( he had so much anger inside him) that would bother him and he gets angrier. After I broke up with them and I told him to leave me alone, he starts attacking me verbally/ texting emailing/ voicemail, and mentioning my children even my ex-husband( he was attacking the man and he never met him), unbelievable! He was completely acting crazy before I left Minnesota I got him a cat ( sweet girl) ( broke my heart to leave her behind ) thank God he gave her to his son!! Now I know she’s in safe hands.
I remember when I was in the airport feeling exhausted & glad in the same time I’m far away from him, he texted me this “it’s time to separate you and the children from each other” and he was so confident that he can have that happen, I feel so sick to my stomach when I think I almost married this monster( he threatening later by creating new email and emailed me, he will send the papers to the city and have the marriage legalize so he can divorce me and put me through hell and teach me a lesson. Honestly, I could care less, he can do whatever he wants to do, but he is not allowed in my life whatsoever!!!! I blocked him completely and he was notified if he comes closer to me or my sons, I would report him to the cops immediately and get myself protective order. Till this day he still trying to go for me he moved to Scottsdale where I live, he sends me flowers, food, calling from other numbers I’m leaving voice messages(. I don’t open or listen to anything he sends) I keep blocking him. I learned from my relationship with my ex-husband and now I learning a lot from this guy how to be strong I never allow toxic people in your world, I’m still working on myself so I never fall for another narcissist/ toxic people and never to waste even a minute on one of them.
Thank you for this article, it was very helpful. I follow you’re on Facebook and I’m a member of your Facebook group, we appreciate the support!
Lots of love
I am so glad I stumbled onto your page on Instagram, which led me to your YouTube channel and eventually here. I don’t know who in the powers that be got me here but I am thankful to the universe I did. I’ve been seeking therapy for both myself and my daughter. Because I was not only subjected to narcissistic relationships and abuse, I was in turn neglectful as a parent to my own child. Eventually when my mother moved in with me after her 5th unsuccessful marriage, I noticed a pattern. I saw that a lot of my toxicity was mimicked from her, despite her not really raising me. (She left that responsibility on my grandparents mostly). From the gaslighting to the blame game, guilting and shaming, she used whatever tactics to get me and my daughter to do what she wanted. Even lying to friends and family. I then realized she was a narcissist. I didn’t confirm it until I reached out to my dad and although he was absent and had substance abuse problems, he always insisted my mother kept him away from me. Other relatives and friends noticed the pattern that she was jealous of me… Even my grandparents confirmed it when I was a kid but she always told me that they were the ones at fault. She would say things about my career, my parenting or anything else she could to trigger me. So much I thought I had anger issues. I did more digging and reading on this narcissistic personality thing and it was like a bomb went off. Every little thing from my childhood I experienced was explained. It finally made sense! I’m now making strides to be better and get away from her… Even if it means leaving my own house and buying another. Since she’s mad that my grandmother left it to me in the first place.
Anyway, I don’t know how this simple comment turned to this…. I guess I found my next blog topic 😃. I just want to thank you and I can’t wait to sign up for your course!