Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
As it’s about trying to raise awareness. There is a lot of talk about narcissism on this blog, as well as how to help yourself, and your children.
The word narcissist is growing with greater awareness, yet we can all have some narcissistic traits, doesn’t mean we are a narcissist, if you can love and care for others, help others, have empathy, you are not a narcissist, and some exes are just twits.
So what is not a narcissist?
Vanity alone is not narcissism, kids or adults taking selfies is not narcissism, wanting things your way is not narcissism, being selfish is not narcissism, arguing your point is not narcissism, being driven to achieving is not narcissism, being confident is not narcissism, being opinionated is not narcissism. Spoilt kids are not narcissism. Looking in every mirror is not narcissism.
Yes, they are behaviours that are narcissism but It doesn’t make them a narcissist.
People who suffer have suffered from narcissistic abuse, at the time do not see they are being abused, the ones who tell are not always believed. Courts, judges, police, the therapist often do not understand narcissism.
They can not be a narcissist they always take their kids out, they can not be a narcissist, they don’t care about their looks. They can not be a narcissist they don’t post selfies.
If they can take responsibility for their own actions, if they do not tell countless lies, if they are not envious of all those around them, if the can see reality correctly all the time, if they don’t accuse you of things you didn’t say or didn’t do, if they can appreciate consequences and learn from experience, if they do not destroy everything and everyone around them, if they don’t start arguments out of anywhere, if they’re not manipulative, not abusive, don’t gaslight. If they don’t seem incapable of listening or understanding others, if they don’t believe they’re entitled to anything and everything they want, regardless of how it hurt those around them. If they don’t blame absolutely everything on you, if they don’t blame circumstance on others, if they don’t accuse you of feelings you do not have, if they don’t explode of the slightest thing, if they take responsibility for their own actions, if they don’t twist words, don’t disrespect, if they don’t attack people for no reason, if they don’t believe people are plotting against them, if they don’t drive a wedge between those around them. They are not a narcissist.
If they have one or two, they are not a narcissist.
If you go through saying, yes they did that, yes they were like that, yes they did that, oh my that too and that, yes even that all the way to the end. Then yes they are a narcissist.
Narcissism is present in all areas of the narcissist life, there is no moment in this person life they are not a narcissist. It is characterised by the inability to distinguish from the external world and other people.
They are not selfish people they are people who have a problem, they are incapable of true empathy, they are abusive, they can not see people as people, they are prone to substance abuse, they have the emotional understanding of toddlers, they are incapable of seeing reality correctly, they think feelings are facts, they are volatile, they are actually deep within themselves deeply unhappy people who can not understand the cause of their own misery, they only see others as causing them this misery, not all act vain, powerful or self-assured, yes the greater do, they don’t want to change as they make themselves happy playing lots of people like puppets, they have so many admiring them, so many hating them, yet conforming because they fear them. They feel great power, the lesser do not.
People are becoming afraid that they are a narcissist when they are not. People are also accusing people of being a narcissist when they are not.
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