Four Things We Do That Narcissists Hate.

No matter how loyal you are to a narcissist, it never makes them loyal to you. No matter how much you change who you are for a narcissist, they don’t change their hurtful behaviour towards you. No matter how much you love them, it doesn’t stop them from hurting you. We can get locked in a cycle of trying to help them, not understanding that we actually need to help ourselves. We need to get out of the situation that we are in. When we no longer feel safe in our own home, it is no longer our happy place to be.

Four qualities that you should never ever change about who you are, that criticises a narcissist and makes them try to bring us down to feel better about themselves.

1. Knowing Facts and Reality.

Nobody throws a bigger tantrum than a narcissist being shown facts and evidence of something they definitely did do. 

You trying to be the honest, decent, respectful, kind, loyal person staying in your reality goes against the narcissist as they believe that they are special that they are entitled to do as they please and their arrogance that you should not question them, As a narcissist will not accept responsibility for their behaviour they are not going to be held accountable for their behaviour they might feel shame in a moment. Still, they quickly shift that feeling of shame by passing the blame over to you. They can blame shift to change the focus on to you, they can project denying their mistake and passing it on to you,  they can gaslight, lie, deny and distort your reality, they can word salad to take you off topic and confuse you, they can invalidate your feelings or opinions or your truth, provoke you to get that reaction from you, so you feel guilty then they can play the victim. They can also sulk. They can use the silent treatment. They can rage out of nowhere, anything they can think of to distract you from the truth to get away with their toxic behaviour.

How to disarm.

Don’t play their game. Know your own truth, know your own reality and stay in it. No longer take the blame for things you haven’t done if you believe them to have done something. They denied it. Trust your instincts, especially if they’ve done it before, if you found evidence when they denied it the first time because they did not want you to know the truth if you go to them with evidence this criticises there a sense of entitlement. They still do not want you to know the truth. Trying to explain the truth to them is just going to leave you feeling angry, frustrated, hurt and upset. Know your reality and leave them to it. People who cannot be honest with you do not deserve you; the evidence is your answer that you have the evidence your instincts were right and that they are indeed liars.

2. Your success.

Nobody puts people down faster than a narcissist envious of all your achievements.

The narcissist’s grandiosity, and their sense of entitlement, means they believe they are deserving of what others have without putting any work ethics in behind it. Hence, if they see somebody doing what the narcissist perceives to be as better than themselves, or have something better than they have, they will not be happy for that person a narcissist will not see that as something they would like to go and achieve for themselves they see it as they need to destroy that person, the narcissists needs to invalidate the person to feel better about themselves, they need to put that person down so that the other person doesn’t achieve what a narcissist wants, narcissist put other people down to feel better within themselves.

How to disarm.

Narcissistic people tend to put people down around them you’ll notice how they talk quite negatively about other peoples achievements even if they do it in a subtle way they can speak very negatively of other peoples achievements, Don’t listen to the opinions of those who bring people down, don’t listen to opinions of those who want to destroy your dreams,  you don’t need opinions from people who are not going to be supportive of you, you do not need the opinions of people who want to bring people crashing down, Learn your own worth, No longer tell them your desires your dreams your hopes and your wishes tell them to yourself and then go and show yourself you can achieve these for you, people who offer helpful advice, raise you up and talk to you how you speak to them. Leave those who bring you down and talk to you in a way you would not talk to those around you, remember. No matter what you do, some people will never be happy for you.

3. When you move on.

Nobody comes back faster than a narcissist seeing you doing well for yourself.

As narcissist’s exploit people to meet the need of their own, if they see a quality within you that they want to take from you they will go all out to get it, they see a possession of yours that they want from you they will go all out to get it, they can idealise, love bomb, hoover, charm, lie, future fake, false promise, false apologise to meet a need of their own, as most narcissists fear abandonment they will try to have other sources of supply available so that they don’t feel the abandonment. Once their needs are met, they’ll happily abandon people, often discarding them in cruel ways. They will return to exes if it meets the need of their own, they’ll go with a family member, best friend, neighbour, with lack of morals and lack of empathy, they don’t care, so long as their needs are met. Narcissists will workaround friends within friendship groups, dropping one when it suits, picking up another, often gossiping in a way to divide and conquer. They will work around children, playing them off against each other, they will scapegoat people, idealise people, they will work around their coworkers to find one to meet their needs at that time, as they require excessive attention. They lack the empathy to care for those they hurt.

How to disarm.

When they come back with all the false promises of change that they’ll go to counselling, they need your help. They want to get married, they want to have a child with you, they want to buy that house they want to whisk you away on that holiday whatever they come back with on those false promises of change when they are trying to fake that future with you, To win you back Remember how they hurt you the last time remember all the false apologies in the past behaviour they just repeat if you can block and delete if that not possible it’s limited contact and grey rock.

4. Indifference.

Nobody throws a bigger tantrum than a narcissist, losing control of somebody else’s mind.

As a narcissist is preoccupied with their own power and success as they feel entitled to get their own needs met people to a narcissist are to meet in need of their own, they are all about control and when they lose control of other people when other people don’t buy into the narcissist grandiosity is criticises the narcissist sense of self which is why they can then go around hurting others, their destructive but also childish behaviour is to try and regain the control, the power, the dominance over that people.

How to disarm.

Learn their games, learn the games that they cycle around. Do what you need to stay safe, some you may need to move miles away, with others learn the games learn the pattern of behaviour and no longer play their toxic games no reactions narcissist they cannot get anything from you if you’re not giving anything to them, remember those who played games with your feelings with your opinions with your beliefs with your dreams with your passions with your hobbies with your friends with your family with your emotions those that are willing to play games with you to hurt you do not deserve your attention they are not worthy of you. 

You found the coping mechanisms to survive the relationship. You will find a coping mechanism to survive the recovery. You will move on to a much happier life for yourself. It all starts with having that belief within you that you deserve better you can make something for your life. You are enough and you are worthy. You can make your life work for you.

You can, and you will.

Seven mind games narcissists play.

Outsmart the narcissist.

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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.


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