Overcoming narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Narcissist and jealousy.
Jealousy is common, we’ve all been jealous at one point or another in our lives, something you wish you had, or someone cheated on you, a place someone visited that you’d like to go to, in fact, something like that, normal people will say, “ I’m so jealous I’d love to visit there.” normal human behaviour, sometimes low self-esteem can cause this. To normal people jealously means to envy.
With a narcissist, jealous means to envy and to destroy. They have no self-esteem, therefore they are extremely jealous of everything around them, not that they’ll show it to those around them. Narcissist believes that everyone around them has something they don’t and they want it, they can be jealous of their own children, for a number of reasons main one if they are getting more attention than the narcissist parent, often why when the children do succeed at something it’ll all be down to the narcissist, if that’s they helped them achieve it, or it’s from the narcissist DNA. The narcissist will always try to turn the attention back onto themselves.
Most people deal with their jealously internally, as they are embarrassed by it, a narcissist will tell those close with comments like “ they must have received an inheritance to afford that.” And things like “ they only got that because someone gave them a hand, I’ve had to do everything for myself.” Please note just because some people say these things. If they don’t have other traits they are not a narcissist, Narcissism is a disorder on a spectrum, they will have the traits even if they show some less than others.
The narcissist will try to sabotage, anything and everyone around them.
A narcissist believes everything is a competition, that they need to win, they believe it’s unfair for others to have something they don’t have. They don’t believe others should be happy, narcissists feel inadequate, in every way about everything, which is why they are so jealous of everything. As narcissistic cannot sustain or even achieve self-worth, they have to get it from those around them. Their own reflective coping mechanism, means they have to get it through others, to meet their needs. Either directly through attention or indirectly through contests they create to win. This is to combat their inner self-hatred and shame, they will deny these feelings often to their inner selves and those around them. If they don’t win, they feel that self-hatred and they have to take action to cover it up and make themselves feel better. This is why when they are jealous of sympathy or attention others get, they will create a smear campaign ( I have a post about this and how to help yourself when this happens below) it’s designed to ruin that person name so the attention is directed onto them. They may steal, ruin or destroy others possessions, they will try to control those around them that in their minds are working against them, by simply not having the same opinions and not putting the narcissist first in everything they do. Their attempts to destroy people and items they are jealous of, whilst these are harmful towards those around them, is the narcissist telling themselves they are not good enough, they can not compete, they can not win, so they set out to destroy to win thus making themselves feel better. Instead of coping with their inner insecurities and feelings, they project them onto others, this is their coping mechanism, making it someone else’s problem, someone else’s fault. When they feel jealous and envious it triggers shame, which results in their rage, they feel jealousy or envy, they will create a defensive scenario in their own heads to deflect this onto others by blaming them of being jealous or envious of them. It is pitiful to some and scary to others. The lies they tell about you, which is actually about them, isn’t actually about you in the first place, it’s all to validate themselves at the expense of other people.
You can not help a narcissist, by trying to prove they are wrong, the internal makeup in the narcissist has been in them for a long time, it’s nothing you have done, there is nothing you can do. They are not someone who can be fixed with reassurance, there is nothing you can do for a narcissist to help them, they will just twist it all around back onto you, again to validate to themselves that they are not the problem, even if to you it makes no sense at all. There is no point in defending yourself to them about motives you do not feel, things that did not happen, or emotions you do not feel when they come at you with something. You will never be able to prove something to another, who is unable or unwilling to believe it.
One of the cures for jealous is, self-improvement, something a narcissist cannot do for themselves, as they do not see themselves as a problem, It’s could be pitiful, if they weren’t so dangerous.