The narcissist and jealousy.
Jealousy is common, most of us have been jealous at one point or another in our lives, something you wish you had, or when someone cheated on you, a place someone visited that you’d like to go to, in fact, with something like that, healthy people will say, “ I’m so jealous I’d love to visit there.” normal human behaviour, sometimes low self-esteem can cause this. To healthy people, jealously means to envy.
With a narcissist, jealous means to envy and to destroy. They have little self-esteem. Therefore they are extremely jealous of everything around them, not that they’ll show it to all those around them. A Narcissist believes that everyone around them has something they don’t and they want it. They can be jealous of their own children, for a number of reasons one of their main ones is if they are getting more attention than the narcissistic parent, often why when the children do succeed at something it’ll all be down to the narcissist, if that’s they helped them achieve it, or it’s from the narcissist DNA. The narcissist will always try to turn the attention back onto themselves and take credit for their own children’s success.
Most people deal with their jealously internally, and as they can be embarrassed and they will work through it, a narcissist will tell those close to them with comments like “They must have received an inheritance to afford that.” And things like “ They only got that because someone gave them a hand, I’ve had to do everything for myself.” Please note just because some people say these things. If they don’t have five of the Nine Characteristics, they are not a narcissist, the narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, and they will have characteristics even if they show some less than others if they are a narcissist.
The narcissist will try to sabotage, anything and everyone around them, that they are envious of.
A narcissist believes everything is a competition, that they need to win; they think it’s unfair for others to have something they don’t have. They don’t believe others should be Happy, narcissists feel inadequate, in every way about everything, which is why they are so jealous of everything. As a narcissistic person cannot sustain or even achieve self-worth, they have to get it from those around them. Their own reflective coping mechanism, means they have to get it through others, to meet their needs. Either directly through attention or indirectly through contests they create to win. This is to combat their inner self-hatred and shame, and they will deny these feelings often to their inner selves and those around them. If they don’t win, they feel that self-hatred and they have to take action to cover it up and make themselves feel better. This is why when they are jealous, they want the sympathy, or the attention that others get, they will create a Smear Campaign Against You. The smear campaign is designed to ruin that persons good name, so the positive attention is directed back onto the narcissist. They may steal, ruin or destroy others possessions, they will try to control those around them that in their minds are working against them, by not having the same opinions and not putting the narcissist first in everything they do. Their attempts to destroy people and items they are jealous of, while these are harmful towards those around them, it is the narcissist telling themselves they are not good enough, they can not compete, they can not win, so they set out to destroy to win thus making themselves feel better. Instead of coping with their inner insecurities and feelings, they project them onto others, this is their coping mechanism, making it someone else’s problem, someone else’s fault. When they feel jealous and envious it triggers shame, which results in their rage when they feel jealousy or envy, they will create a defensive scenario in their own heads to deflect this onto others by blaming them of being jealous or envious of them. It is pitiful to some and scary to others. The lies they tell about you, which is actually about them, isn’t actually about you in the first place, it’s all to validate themselves at the expense of other people.
You can not help a narcissist, by trying to prove they are wrong, their internal dialogue has been in them for a long time, they have a disorder, and that disorder is who they are, it’s nothing you have done, there is nothing you can do. It did not start with you, and it will not end with you. They are not someone who can be fixed with reassurance, and there is nothing you can do for a narcissist to help them, they will just twist it all around back onto you, again to validate to themselves that they are not the problem, even if to you it makes no sense at all. There is no point in defending yourself to them about motives you do not have, things that did or did not happen, or emotions you do not think when they come at you with something. You will never be able to prove something to another, who is unable or unwilling to believe it.
One of the cures for jealous is, self-improvement, as they lack cognitive reflection skills, they can not reflect on things they have done, in order to look through their own past behaviour of their mistakes to create change, to the narcissist everything is black and white, either you please them. You are good, or you’ve done something they didn’t want you to, and now they see you as bad. Reflection is something a narcissist cannot do for themselves, as they do not see themselves as a problem. It could be pitiful if some of them were not so dangerous.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
More information on why a narcissist can not reflect video and the smear campaigns.
The smear campaigns.
Why they can not compromise.