The narcissist and jealousy.
Jealousy is a common emotion; most of us have been jealous at one point or another in our lives, something we wish we had, or when someone cheated on us. A place someone visited that you’d like to go to, in fact, with something like that, genuine people could say, “I’m so jealous I’d love to visit there.” normal human behaviour, sometimes low self-esteem can cause this. To genuine people, jealousy means to desire something for ourselves that another person has while being pleased for the other person.
With a narcissist, jealousy means to envy and to destroy. They have little self-esteem. Therefore they are extremely envious of everything around them, not that they’ll show it to all those around them. A Narcissist believes that everyone around them has something they don’t and they want it. They can be jealous of their own children for a number of reasons. One of their main reasons is if the children get more attention than the narcissistic parent, often why when the children do succeed at something, it’ll be the narcissistic parent who will take the credit for it, ￼whether that’s because they helped them achieve it, or it’s from the narcissists DNA. The narcissist will always try to turn the attention back onto themselves and take credit for their children’s success.
Most people deal with their jealousy internally, and as they can be embarrassed, they will work through it. A narcissist will tell those close to them with comments like, “They must have received an inheritance to afford that.” And things like, “ They only got that because someone gave them a hand. I’ve had to do everything for myself.” Please note just because some people say these things. If they don’t have five of the Nine Characteristics, they are not a narcissist. A narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, and they will have at least five characteristics even if they show some less than others if they are a narcissist, narcissistic or not. Abuse is abuse, no excuse.
A narcissist will try to sabotage anything and everyone around them that they are envious of.
Narcissists believe everything is a competition they need to win; they think it’s unfair for others to have something they don’t have. They don’t think others should be Happy. Narcissists feel inadequate in every way about everything, which is why they are so envious of everything. As narcissistic people cannot sustain or even achieve self-worth, they have to get it from those around them. Their own reflective coping mechanism means they have to get it through others to meet their needs. Either directly through attention or indirectly through contests they create to win. This is to combat their inner self-hatred and shame, and they will deny these feelings often to their inner selves and those around them. If they don’t win, they feel self-hatred, and they have to take action to cover it up and make themselves feel better. This is why when they are envious of another getting the attention the narcissist believes they’re entitled to. The narcissist will want others to look at that person in a negative light and look for sympathetic attention from others. They will create a Smear Campaign Against You. The smear campaign is designed to ruin that person’s reputation, credibility, and name so that positive attention is directed back onto the narcissist. They may steal, ruin or destroy others’ possessions. They will try to control those around them that, in their minds, are working against them by not having the same opinions and not putting the narcissist first in everything they do. Their attempts to destroy people and items they are envious of, while these are harmful towards those around them, it is the narcissist telling themselves they are not good enough, they can not compete, they can not win, so they set out to destroy to win thus making themselves feel better. Instead of coping with their inner insecurities and feelings, they project them onto others. This is their coping mechanism, making it someone else’s problem, someone else’s fault. When they feel jealous and envious, it triggers shame, which results in their rage. When they feel jealousy or envy, they will create a defensive scenario in their own heads to deflect this onto others by blaming others for being jealous or envious of the narcissist. It is pitiful to some and scary to others. The lies they tell about you, which are actually about them, aren’t about you in the first place. It’s all to validate themselves at the expense of other people.
You can not help a narcissist by trying to prove them wrong. Their internal dialogue has been in them for a long time, they have a disorder, and that disorder is who they are. It’s nothing you have done. There is nothing you can do. It did not start with you, and it will not end with you. They are not someone who can be fixed with reassurance, and there is nothing you can do for a narcissist to help them. They will just twist it all around back onto you, again to validate to themselves that they are not the problem, even if, to you, it makes no sense at all. There is no point in defending yourself to them about motives you do not have, things that did or did not happen, or emotions you do not feel when they come at you with something. You will never be able to prove something to another who is unable or unwilling to believe it.
One of the cures for jealousy is self-improvement, as narcissists lack cognitive reflection skills. They can not reflect on things they have done to look through their own past behaviour or their mistakes to create change. To the narcissist, everything is black and white. Either you please them. You are good, or you’ve done something they didn’t want you to, and now they see you as bad. Reflection is something narcissists cannot do for themselves, as they do not see themselves as a problem. In a narcissist’s world, everyone else is the problem, and everyone else should change to serve the narcissist.
The narcissist’s envy.
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More information on why a narcissist can not reflect video and the smear campaigns.
The smear campaigns.
Why they can not compromise.