The narcissist and jealousy.
Jealousy is a common emotion; most of us have been jealous at one point or another in our lives, something we wish we had, or when someone cheated on us. A place someone visited that you’d like to go to, in fact, with something like that, genuine people could say, “I’m so jealous I’d love to visit there.” normal human behaviour, sometimes low self-esteem can cause this. To genuine people, jealousy means to desire something for ourselves that another person has while being pleased for the other person.
With a narcissist, jealousy means to envy and to destroy. They have little self-esteem. Therefore they are extremely envious of everything around them, not that they’ll show it to all those around them. A Narcissist believes that everyone around them has something they don’t and they want it. They can be jealous of their own children for a number of reasons. One of their main reasons is if the children get more attention than the narcissistic parent, often why when the children do succeed at something, it’ll be the narcissistic parent who will take the credit for it, ￼whether that’s because they helped them achieve it, or it’s from the narcissists DNA. The narcissist will always try to turn the attention back onto themselves and take credit for their children’s success.
Most people deal with their jealousy internally, and as they can be embarrassed, they will work through it. A narcissist will tell those close to them with comments like, “They must have received an inheritance to afford that.” And things like, “ They only got that because someone gave them a hand. I’ve had to do everything for myself.” Please note just because some people say these things. If they don’t have five of the Nine Characteristics, they are not a narcissist. A narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, and they will have at least five characteristics even if they show some less than others if they are a narcissist, narcissistic or not. Abuse is abuse, no excuse.
A narcissist will try to sabotage anything and everyone around them that they are envious of.
Narcissists believe everything is a competition they need to win; they think it’s unfair for others to have something they don’t have. They don’t think others should be Happy. Narcissists feel inadequate in every way about everything, which is why they are so envious of everything. As narcissistic people cannot sustain or even achieve self-worth, they have to get it from those around them. Their own reflective coping mechanism means they have to get it through others to meet their needs. Either directly through attention or indirectly through contests they create to win. This is to combat their inner self-hatred and shame, and they will deny these feelings often to their inner selves and those around them. If they don’t win, they feel self-hatred, and they have to take action to cover it up and make themselves feel better. This is why when they are envious of another getting the attention the narcissist believes they’re entitled to. The narcissist will want others to look at that person in a negative light and look for sympathetic attention from others. They will create a Smear Campaign Against You. The smear campaign is designed to ruin that person’s reputation, credibility, and name so that positive attention is directed back onto the narcissist. They may steal, ruin or destroy others’ possessions. They will try to control those around them that, in their minds, are working against them by not having the same opinions and not putting the narcissist first in everything they do. Their attempts to destroy people and items they are envious of, while these are harmful towards those around them, it is the narcissist telling themselves they are not good enough, they can not compete, they can not win, so they set out to destroy to win thus making themselves feel better. Instead of coping with their inner insecurities and feelings, they project them onto others. This is their coping mechanism, making it someone else’s problem, someone else’s fault. When they feel jealous and envious, it triggers shame, which results in their rage. When they feel jealousy or envy, they will create a defensive scenario in their own heads to deflect this onto others by blaming others for being jealous or envious of the narcissist. It is pitiful to some and scary to others. The lies they tell about you, which are actually about them, aren’t about you in the first place. It’s all to validate themselves at the expense of other people.
You can not help a narcissist by trying to prove them wrong. Their internal dialogue has been in them for a long time, they have a disorder, and that disorder is who they are. It’s nothing you have done. There is nothing you can do. It did not start with you, and it will not end with you. They are not someone who can be fixed with reassurance, and there is nothing you can do for a narcissist to help them. They will just twist it all around back onto you, again to validate to themselves that they are not the problem, even if, to you, it makes no sense at all. There is no point in defending yourself to them about motives you do not have, things that did or did not happen, or emotions you do not feel when they come at you with something. You will never be able to prove something to another who is unable or unwilling to believe it.
One of the cures for jealousy is self-improvement, as narcissists lack cognitive reflection skills. They can not reflect on things they have done to look through their own past behaviour or their mistakes to create change. To the narcissist, everything is black and white. Either you please them. You are good, or you’ve done something they didn’t want you to, and now they see you as bad. Reflection is something narcissists cannot do for themselves, as they do not see themselves as a problem. In a narcissist’s world, everyone else is the problem, and everyone else should change to serve the narcissist.
The narcissist’s envy.
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More information on why a narcissist can not reflect video and the smear campaigns.
The smear campaigns.
Why they can not compromise.
8 thoughts on “The Narcissist Is Jealous And Envious.”
I’m trying to get out of a narcissist friendship with a guy. We have been best friends for 4 years. I have enabled his treatment of me for to long and finally started seeing the real him. Every time I disagreed with him or things didn’t go his way he called me names for days and accused me of lying and everything else. In actuality he was the one who constantly lied to me and made up fake people to try to get me jealous and say and do anything to hurt me. Afterwards he told me that I provoked it because everything I do is wrong and annoying and I deserve to be treated like that for not losing weight. He tried controlling what I eat, where I should work and telling me I needed a newer car and wanting me to kick my son out because he is in college and should be out on his own. He only wanted to do things like fishing and sports that he liked and I didn’t. The end of April I finally had it when I was yelled at and constantly called on my cell for me sleeping in and not having my phone charging next to me while I was sleeping in case he had a emergency and needed to get in touch with me. He even threatened to have girls beat me up, start problems with my family and get me fired from work if I don’t apologize for how I treated him and remain friends. I told him I will not be blackmailed and to bring it on because it will be him that will go down and look a fool. He still doesn’t think he did anything wrong. He did apologize but he said it was so he could feel good about himself. I had to dump him to keep my sanity and tired of being treated crappy. I just hate that I can’t get his words out of my head that were hurtful, his lying has made me doubt everything he said and losing my trust in people and that I still miss and care about him and want the best for him, even though he hates me so much. So I’ve been keeping mainly to myself because I’m tired of trusting people close to me and being disappointed. I thought he wanted me to trust him because he cared about me but now realize it was only to have things to throw back in my face and play on my vulnerability so he can hurt me. My heart doesn’t work that way and I seem to attract people like this.
Keep working and you, your standards and boundaries, creating a new future so you no longer attract these people. Well done for breaking free.
I have been in this kind of world for over 50 yrs my husband and now for 5 yrs of room mates just evitced a girl thru
the court system for elder abuse….need some help to try to get to normal as to whatever that is .Hope you can help me some way PLEASE HELP
Hello, have you got somewhere to stay? The court systems world wide seem to be unable to recognise these types of people and the abuse they cause.
WAITING FOR SOME HELP SOME HOW OR SOME WAY???????
What the main issue you need help with at the moment?