The Envious Narcissist.
Jealousy is a common emotion, and most of us could have been jealous at one point or another in our lives, something you wish you had, a place someone visited that you’d like to go to, in fact, something like that, healthy people will say, “ I’m so jealous I’d love to visit there.” Or “I’d love to have that.” normal human behaviour.
Jealousy means the feeling of resentment towards another’s achievements or possessions.
Showing or feeling resentment that a partner could be attracted to or involved with someone new.
Protective of our own possessions or rights.
Resentment is usually a feeling of bitterness towards another.
Envy. A feeling of discontentment of someone else, luck, qualities or possession, a desire to have what someone else has.
Sometimes low self-esteem can cause these feelings in healthy people, jealously means to envy.
With a narcissist, jealousy means to envy and to destroy. They have little to no self-esteem. Therefore they are extremely jealous of everything around them, not that they’ll show it to all those around them. Narcissists believe that everyone around them has something they don’t. They want it, no matter what they have, as they don’t have inner happiness they want more to fill that void, not understanding happiness comes from within, they can be jealous of their own children, for several reasons, the main one if the children are getting more attention than themselves, often why when the children do succeed at something, in the narcissist’s mind it’ll all be down to the narcissist if that’s the fact they helped them achieve it, or it’s from the narcissists DNA. The narcissist will always try to turn the attention back onto themselves.
Most people deal with their jealously internally, and as they are embarrassed by it, a narcissist will tell those close with comments like, “They must have received an inheritance to afford that.” And things like, “ They only got that because someone gave them a hand, I’ve had to do everything for myself.” Please note just because some people say these things. If they don’t have five of the characteristics, they are not a narcissist, It is a disorder on a spectrum, and they will have the characteristics even if they show some less than others.
Due to Jealousy and envy, a narcissist will try to sabotage anything and everyone around them that the narcissist perceives as doing or achieving more than them.
A narcissist believes everything is a competition that they need to win. They think it’s unfair for others to have something they don’t have. They don’t think others should be happy. Narcissists feel inadequate in every way about everything, which is why they are so envious of everything. As a narcissistic people cannot sustain or even achieve self-worth, they have to get it from those around them. Their own reflective coping mechanism means they have to get it through others to meet their needs. Either directly through attention or indirectly through contests they create to win. This is to combat their inner self-hatred and their feelings of shame. They will deny these feelings often to their inner selves and those around them. If they don’t win, they feel that self-hatred and they have to take action to cover it up and make themselves feel better. This is why when they are envious of sympathy or attention, others get. They have to pull the attention back onto themselves. The narcissist will create a smear campaign. Narcissists use the Smear Campaigns to destroy others so that people don’t help the person the narcissist is envious of. Genuine people tell the truth to the to relevant authorities to protect themselves and often find it hard to do so. Genuine people chat to others for help and support, for clarity on things that have happened. Narcissistic people smear names to destroy others.
The narcissists smear campaign is mostly based on lies or twisted truths, and it’s designed to ruin that person’s name, so the sympathy, the help, the support, and the attention are directed onto the narcissist. They may steal, ruin or destroy others’ possessions. They will try to control those around them that in their minds, are working against them because those people simply do not having the same opinions as to the narcissist, or they’re not putting the narcissist first in everything they do. Their attempts to destroy people and items they are envious of, while these are harmful towards those around them, it is the narcissist telling themselves they are not good enough. So they set out to destroy others to win, thus making themselves feel better. Instead of coping with their inner insecurities and feelings, they Project them onto others. This is their coping mechanism, making it someone else’s problem, someone else’s fault. When they feel jealous and envious, it triggers shame, which can result in their rage. When they feel jealousy or envy, they will create a defensive scenario in their own heads to deflect this onto others by blaming them for being jealous or envious of the narcissist. It is pitiful to some and scary to others. The lies they tell about you are most often actually the things they did to you, or they miss out on the part they played. The smear campaign often isn’t actually about you in the first place. It’s all to validate themselves at the expense of other people.
You can not help a narcissist by trying to prove they are wrong. The internal makeup of the narcissist has been in them for a long time. It’s nothing you have done. There is nothing you can do. They are not someone who can be fixed with kindness, reassurance, and there is nothing you can do for a narcissist to help them. You did not cause it, and you can not change it. Most often, when you try to help, they will just twist it all around back onto you, again to validate to themselves that they are not the problem, even if to you, it makes no sense at all. There is no point in defending yourself to them about motives you do not feel, things that did or did not happen, or emotions you do not feel when they come at you with something. There is no point in explaining your intentions, as they are not interested. You will never be able to prove something to another who is unable or unwilling to believe it.
One of the cures for jealousy is self-improvement, something a narcissist cannot do for themselves, as they do not see themselves as a problem. It could be pitiful if some weren’t so dangerous.
When it comes to us, we’ve most likely felt jealousy or envy at some point within our lives. Yet, usually, we can be pleased for the other person and try to achieve it for ourselves, as the emotional feeling of jealousy is a good sign you’d like something. Yet, you would not usually want to bring others down to achieve it. We are only ever in competition with ourselves and our self-improvement.
Being around narcissistic people, their negativity can rub off onto you. Negativity breeds negativity, and when they promise you the world to not deliver, then they are doing it with a new partner, your sibling, your co-worker. This can trigger jealousy within anyone, with how the narcissist manipulates others.
You can not control the feelings of jealousy and envy when they come in. You can use them to work for you. With Narcissistic people, leave them be, with others, be pleased for the other person if you can on what they have achieved, feel proud of them. If you have children, you are often proud of their achievements. Not jealous of them as you love and care for them. Narcissists envy their own Children and seek to destroy them.
When you feel any form of envy creeping in, using it to work for you, what is it that made you feel jealous or envy? What is it you would like? What steps can you take to achieve it for yourself?
Sometimes life can feel like it’s happening to you. You can change this to make it happen for you. Life can be difficult, and it can seem like one thing comes after you and no sooner are you done with that, another thing is sent your way to deal with.
Don’t let others take advantage of your weaknesses. Use your weaknesses to grow you. Not easy yet possible.
Use jealousy to recognise what you would like for yourself and go out there to achieve for yourself. We are all people, we are all individuals, we are all worthy, and we can all achieve whatever it is we want within our own lives and start making life work for us.
Remember, with good intentions, and there is no wrong way or right way to live your life.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.