Overcoming narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Narcissists lies, why they lie and some examples of the most common lies they all seem to tell.
A narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, most people can have a trait or two, those with all the traits use them in different manipulative ways, some will lie more than others, some are extremely abusive and you have to move miles away from, others are not. So you can counteract and handle yourself around them and not have to fully remove them from your lives, negativity breeds negativity so you wouldn’t want to spend to much time around those you can not completely remove from your life.
Most people will lie at some point in their lives, sometimes because you don’t want to hurt others, yet people with empathy towards others, will feel guilty and want to come clean often leading them to avoid lying in the future. Usually resorting to white lies that protect others, as they are aware of the consequences of lying.
Narcissistic people, do not have guilt, remorse, empathy, as they live in their own reality and they only use others, there is nothing to stop the extent of the lies they tell others or the amount they tell, they may feel shame deep within themselves, often why they will blame others, or blatantly lie that they didn’t lie.
Narcissists believe that lies work for them, so they will adopt many lies, to suit a situation and meet their own needs, walking straight over all others, who stand in their way, with some the amount of lies they tell, and believing their own lies to be reality making their lies even more convincing to others. They lie through instinct to deny others reality and to keep denying so that their needs are met.
- They lie to get admiration and positivity energy.
- They lie to confuse you and your own reality.
- They lie to anger you and get your reactions.
- They lie to control others and to control their reality, to get their needs met.
- They lie to escape accountability and protect themselves.
- They are self-entitled to believe they are justified to lie in order to protect themselves and get their needs met.
- They lie so they don’t suffer any consequences to their own actions.
1. They will lie by saying. “That never happened.” To get you to question reality, or. “I told you last week, you must be losing your mind.” They didn’t tell you anything again it’s so you question your own reality.
2. They will lie to influence others. “I’m really looking forward to coming home to see you.” They’re not they just want you to believe they are. “I own ex’s house and have to pay all mortgage and bills as they’re too lazy to work and I have to support the children.” They do not they just want you to believe they are a good person. “I would never cheat, my ex cheated on me and I know how horrible it is.” Influencing you to trust them.
3. They will lie by exaggerating the truth to make them look better than they are, any achievements they will exaggerate, as they see no problem in making themselves look better, as they believe they are better.
4. They will lie to play victim to gain sympathy. “My ex treated me horribly, we are no longer together but I’m struggling to leave because of the children.”
5. They will lie by telling you something they did, but not telling you the whole Story. “ I’ve got to work late.” They may well be working late, but they’ll leave out the part that after work they went to meet someone.
6. They will lie with admitting partial truths, “I’ve been to see person A.” They may well have been to see them, they’ll not tell you what they’ve actually been doing with that person.
7. They will lie by blame shifting. “If you were a loving person that gave me what I needed, I wouldn’t have to go elsewhere.” Again leaving you to question yourself.
8. They will lie by giving you the silent treatment. When confronted about something, they just stay quiet, not giving you the truth, just saying nothing at all, leaving you questioning if they didn’t lie and you’ve hurt their feelings.
9. They will deflect lie, by twisting it onto something similar you have done. “ well you went out with person A last week I’ve no idea what you got up to, I just trust you.” Making you doubt yourself for questioning them in the first place.
Narcissist learns through life that it is to them it’s far easier to lie than, to tell the truth, often ending up believing their own lies to be the reality.
They are like a three-year-old caught red-handed with a bag of sweets you told them they couldn’t eat until after tea, yet whilst still eating these sweets blaming their siblings for getting them, or pretending they didn’t hear you say no, or they’re sure you said yes. Most people feel guilty and learn to grow out of this, a narcissist is a toddler, throwing lies and tantrums in an adults body.