Overcoming narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
The narcissists lies, why they lie, and some examples of the most common lies they all seem to tell.
A narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, most people can have a trait or two, those with at least five of the characteristics have the disorder, and they use lies in different manipulative ways, some will lie more than others, some are extremely abusive, and you have to move miles away from, others are not. So you can counteract and handle yourself around them and not have to remove them from your life entirely, negativity breeds negativity so you wouldn’t want to spend to much time around those you can not altogether remove from your life.
Most people will lie at some point in their life, sometimes because you don’t want to hurt others, yet people with empathy towards others, will feel guilty and want to come clean often leading them to avoid lying in the future, usually good people resort to white lies that protect others, as they are aware of the consequences of lying.
Why they lie.
Narcissistic people, do not have guilt, remorse, empathy, as they live in their own reality and they only use others, there is nothing to stop the extent of the lies they tell others or the amount they say, they may feel shame deep within themselves, often why they will blame others, or blatantly lie that they didn’t lie.
Narcissists believe that lies work for them so that they will adopt many lies, to suit a situation and meet their own needs, walking straight over all others, who stand in their way, with some the number of lies they tell, and as the lack in cognitive reflection they actually end up believing their own lies to be reality making their lies even more convincing to others. They lie through instinct to deny others reality and to keep denying so that their needs are met.
- They lie to get admiration and positive attention.
- They lie to confuse you and your own reality.
- They lie to anger you and get your reactions.
- They lie to control others and to control their reality, to get their needs met.
- They lie to escape accountability and protect themselves.
- They are self-entitled to believe they are justified to lie in order to protect themselves and get their needs met.
- They lie to play the victim and get sympathetic attention from those around them.
- They lie so they don’t suffer any consequences to their own actions.
- They lie to escape all accountability, the because they can not reflect they believe their own lies.
- They lie, because their lies become their truths, as they don’t see fault within themselves in order to change themselves, blaming all others, and they believe others are at fault, and others should change not them.
1. They will lie by saying. “That never happened.” (When it did.) To get you to question reality, or. “I told you last week, and you must be losing your mind.” They didn’t tell you anything last week, and it’s all to gaslight you, so you question your own reality, causing cognitive dissonance within your mind.
2. They will lie to influence others. “I’m really looking forward to coming home to see you.” They’re not they just want you to believe they are, to idolise you, make you feel special and loved “I own the ex’s house and have to pay all mortgage and bills as they’re too lazy to work and I have to support the children.” They do not they just want you to believe they are a good person, they want you to feel sorry for them, not realising they are financially abusing you, as to you they are doing the right thing by the ex, in reality, they are often paying the ex and you nothing, they just enjoy living rent-free in your mind and your home. ”I would never cheat, my ex cheated on me, and I know how horrible it is.” Influencing you to trust them, when in reality they are telling you everything they are about to do to you.
3. They will lie by exaggerating the truth to make them look better than they are, any achievements they will exaggerate, as they see no problem in making themselves look better, as they believe they are better.
4. They will lie to play victim to gain sympathy. “My ex treated me horribly, we are no longer together, but I’m struggling to leave because of the children.” or ”my ex is jealous and will not let me see the children.” this could be true, and they will pull out the parental alienation card to gain sympathy from you, yet they’ll not tell you how they, let the children down, messed with the children minds and the other parent woke up and at all costs protected to children. Parents will say things like. ”my child has no respect for me.” so people feel sorry for them, in reality, the child realised they were raised by a narcissist and broke free.
5. They will lie by telling you something they did, but not telling you the whole Story. “ I’ve got to work late.” They may well be working late, but they’ll leave out the part that after work they went to meet someone.
6. They will lie with admitting partial truths, “I’ve been to see person A.” They may well have been to see them, and they’ll not tell you what they’ve actually been doing with that person.
7. They will lie by blame-shifting. “If you were a loving person that gave me what I needed, I wouldn’t have to go elsewhere.” Again leaving you to question yourself.
8. They will lie by giving you the silent treatment. When confronted about something, they just stay quiet, not giving you the truth, just saying nothing at all, leaving you questioning if they didn’t lie and you’ve hurt their feelings.
9. They will deflect lie, by twisting it onto something similar you have done. “ well you went out with person A last week I’ve no idea what you got up to, I just trust you.” Making you doubt yourself for questioning them in the first place.
Narcissist learns through life that to them, it’s far easier to lie than, to tell the truth, often ending up believing their own lies to be the reality.
They are like a three-year-old caught red-handed with a bag of sweets you told them they couldn’t eat until after tea, yet while still eating these sweets blaming their siblings for getting them, or pretending they didn’t hear you say no, or they’re sure you said yes. Most people feel guilty and learn to grow out of this, a narcissist is a toddler, throwing lies and tantrums in an adults body.
Trust your instincts, if what someone is telling you doesn’t feel right to you, leave them to it, and go your own way.
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