14 Subtle Signs You’re In An Emotional Abusive Relationship With A Narcissist.

Signs you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Whenever we get into a new relationship, we are taking a risk, we don’t know everyone, yet we’d like to believe people are loyal, honest and trustworthy. No one gets involved with or stays with an abusive partner intentionally.

Some narcissists use physical violence, often by this point, you’re too full of fear to leave them, yet a lot of narcissistic People don’t use physical violence. They use psychological, emotional, mental abuse, which is harder to recognise while in it, and understand once out of it.

If you’re blaming yourself for their actions towards you? If you keep hoping they’ll change? If you’ve been isolated from friends and family? Getting bad anxiety? Are you feeling depressed? No longer knowing who you are? Are you walking on eggshells? Not feeling comfortable around your partner? Fearing what mood they’ll wake up in, come home in? Fearing the key in the door? Or if you don’t manage to answer the phone to them straight away, fear their reactions? Are you No longer going out with friends? Then it is highly likely you’re with a narcissistic person, even if they are not on the spectrum of the narcissist personality disorder, they are extremely harmful or toxic, especially if you don’t feel safe, if your fear speaking up for yourself and your boundaries are slipping, You need to find a safe way out.

An abusive relationship can have devastating effects not only on your mental health but your physical health also. These relationships can not only happen in our romantic relationship, but they can also happen with friends, family and people within your work setting.

Emotional abuse is harrowing, and it is hard to recognise that it’s happening to you, as it happens so gradually over time, as the abuser can treat you so well at times. They have ways of explaining everything away, making you doubt yourself or making you blame yourself. They fill all your human needs for certainty, uncertainty, contribution, growth, love and connection, significance in a negative way. As you are left so uncertain at times, yet certain you’re in a relationship, you forever grow and change even though it’s hurting you. Sometimes you feel the love from them, and you contribute by always picking the pieces up after them. You become addicted to the abuser on a subconscious level, becoming trauma bonded to the abuser.

In the beginning, they lure you in with their love bombing, make you feel comfortable then slowly take control over you. Loyal, kind-hearted people make excuses for their partner’s behaviour, often blaming themselves, so continually sacrificing themselves and things they enjoy in attempts to make the relationship work.

If you’re feeling any of these, crazy, confused, depressed, broken, beaten, always to blame, fear of reactions, cannot get your own inner feelings out, feeling worthless, unlovable, thinking it’s all so unbelievable there is a high chance you’re around an abusive person.

Fourteen signs you’re in a mentally abusive relationship.

1. You’re always feeling on edge and fearful. You’re afraid to speak out or speak up at times. You are worried about or scared of their reactions if you do.

2. They are very petty. They make a massive deal over minor things. What you did right once is suddenly no longer right. Even simple something like you have not cooked their vegetables how they like them.

3. You’ve lost your self-esteem. They criticise you over things about your friendship choices, your family members, how you clean, how you parent, how you cook, tell you you’re not good enough, how you dress, your figure. All to make them feel better about themselves, slowly losing your self-esteem.

4. You’ve lost your self-respect, as they take down your boundaries one by one, gaslighting you, saying, “my friends’ partner would.” Or “My ex would.” To “You’re too regimented and need to loosen up.” Giving you the silent treatment if you don’t conform to their demands.
5. They block you and cut you off. Any topic you try to raise, they either change it to something completely different, bring up something you did, rage at you or silent treatment you. Making you lose what the discussion was indeed about.

6. They distract you, again changing the subject or saying. “You’re too sensitive,” you’re overreacting.” Or “That never happened.” “I told you last week you’re losing your memory.” So you doubt your instincts and your version of reality, usually then going to the abuser for a reality check.

7. You end up walking on eggshells around them, always being careful what you say or do, where you go, for fear of how they’ll react.

8. You feel humiliated. They often pock fun at you, especially in front of others. In subtle ways, they do it in the form of. “I’m only joking.” Slowly losing your confidence. They also do it by making comments about how you look. Covert narcissist. “You’re not wearing that are you.” Overt narcissists. “That looks terrible on you.”

9. They use all your weaknesses against you, provoking you constantly in order to get reactions from you when you defend yourself, then they blame it all on you, leaving you full of more self-doubt and feeling guilty for how you reacted, often blaming yourself.

10. If you’re hurt or upset, they often show no compassion, often walking out and leaving you upset. Or they’ll go on about a situation they had that was far worse. They don’t care for your feelings and have no real empathy towards you unless they have something to gain by pretending to do so.

11. They treat you better than anyone ever has at times to keep you more confused and working harder to please them. This is what makes it so confusing, the fact they’re not bad all the time. They switch the game from being nice to nasty, like a a flick of a light switch to keep you in a trance, while they slowly drain every from you.

12. You no longer know who you are. You don’t feel yourself anymore and feel like you’re slowly losing more and more of who you are. You lost all the things you used to enjoy so much, your values, your trust and your beliefs.

13. You’re always on edge, and it’s starting to become not only when you are around your abuser when you’re around others also. You’ve lost your self-trust in your judgment, you feel judged by others, and you no longer trust those around you.

14. Questioning if you’re too sensitive or insecure. Feeling less confident about yourself, not feeling like yourself, feeling like you can not do right for doing wrong. Apologising often, always blaming yourself, second-guessing yourself. Afraid to speak up for yourself are all signs you’re being gaslighted within an emotionally abusive relationship.

If you’re still in an abusive relationship, seek help from domestic violence helpline, ask friends and family for assistance if you’ve not been isolated from them.

Stay safe. Do not tell your abuser what you think. Or that you are leaving, try gathering money, keeping a diary of events where the abuser can not find it. Gather passports and birth certificates, get to a safe place.

You are not alone. Unfortunately, a lot have been through and are going through this, and some people understand how you feel and what’s happening.

You can, and you will break free and move onto a much happier life.


Trauma bond.

How to leave.


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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.


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