Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse. By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Some people are just toxic, if they are on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum or not, toxic people will bring you down to their level, they drain your emotions, your health, your Finance’s, your energy, they hold you back and cause you to suffer. They just have a negative effect on your wellbeing and your mental health.
They will suck out all your hopes and dreams, all your joy and all your happiness, leaving you stressed, with possible health problems, anxiety and trauma bonding, with depression and with a lot of anger and confusion.
Once you free yourself from these people and start working on rebuilding yourself, your life will become so much clearer and so much happier.
Although narcissists lack empathy, all are potentially dangerous, yet not all will be dangerous, some you do just have to walk away from and go no contact, others once you learn to handle your emotions and reactions around them, I still wouldn’t recommend spending to much time around them, especially if you’re not fully recovered, but you can go grey rock, others you will need to move miles away from.
So if you spot these signs in people you meet, just take the relationship of friendship slow, watch their actions match their words, some people do have one or two traits of narcissism, and they are not toxic, they’ve just been through stuff and need help, others, don’t get in too deep until you fully know who they are.
1. They are mostly negative about anything and everything, only positive in a moment that benefits them, always putting others down, to make themselves feel better, sometimes we go through negative times, some people do just need support to get through this, listen closely to the story’s they tell and the words they use.
2. Extremely impatient, we can all be impatient, at times, toxic people are impatient most of the time, observe how quickly they get angry when things don’t go their way or as fast as they want, watch how they treat others, if they treat others as beneath them, you could be dealing with a toxic person if someone reacts when someone provokes, they just need to learn how not to react and are not toxic, if someone provokes others for no reason at all, other than to make themselves feel better, they are toxic
3. Extremely envious and extremely jealous of all others, making them highly competitive in all areas of their life, some people are competitive, but they’ll still wish others well, they’ll just motivate themselves to do better, without harming others to do so.
4. Victim mindset, they are always the victim in Every story of things that haven’t worked out for them, often making out they tried to be the hero, must people who have a tough time, will go through a period in recovery of the victim mindset, yet they’ll not want to stay stuck so they’ll move past this, often blaming both party’s, listen closely to the story’s they tell, and just how many they’ve tried to help and fallen victim too.
5, They take things far to personally and often feel criticism even when it’s not about them. Some people are naturally sensitive, or they’ve been hurt in the past, they will not punish others if they feel criticism, they will either go into a shell or try to talk to you about it. What others say to you, is more about themselves than it is you when someone blames all others for their failings in life, they are a toxic person, if someone says they are the way they are because of some history with one person, they need help and understanding as they are not blaming everyone, most often they will be blaming themselves. Don’t listen to other opinions, listen to your instincts.
6. They keep hold of pain, anger and resentment, often holding onto grudges and wanting revenge if someone holds a lot of grudges about their past, they may still need to work on it, most healthy people move past this stage, if they are stuck on seeking revenge they are toxic, and when you don’t help them seek revenge on others they might seem to punish you. Most of us have times of pain, anger, resentment and wanting revenge, it’s human nature when feelings get hurt, but as we build our selves back up, heal and find our inner happiness again, we move past it, those who do not, could be toxic, if they have the other traits. If they do not have other traits they could just need to understand and help, as clearing those thoughts, is hard, and it is painful, it will, however, get easier.
7, They are extremely judgmental of others often in a negative way, it’s ok to be cautious once you’ve become wise, but never judge a book by its cover, get to know people on a level, and who they indeed are, before you give them to many of your emotions so that you can walk away quicker and easier, everyone makes mistakes, but if they keep making the same mistakes that hurts you, it’s time to leave them be. People that like to make others suffer are usually suffering deep within themselves.
8. Lacking in empathy and compassion, unable to put themselves into another person’s shoes, often being negative and cruel towards others, if you can not help someone it’s ok to walk away, it doesn’t mean you don’t empathise, it means you respect your own values and mental health more.
9. Cheating, cheating is a choice, now some that have been driven to depths of despair, may cheat, yet they’ll not feel good, and will not use cheating as a life pattern, toxic people if they can not win they will cheat their way in and out of situations, they enjoy the thrill of cheating on partners, and will usually have a pattern of cheating, if they come to you through cheating, no matter what the lies and excuses were, they will often leave you through cheating. People do make mistakes, but if they keep on making them, then it’s a toxic person, who doesn’t care for how their actions affect others.
10. Lying about everything and everything, something people tell white lies, or a lie if they believe would protect someone’s feelings, although they will feel bad and may come clean if it’s eating them up. Toxic people will outright lie and keep on lying to cover the original lies, as they are only interested in protecting themselves, even when caught with evidence, they will find a way, to put the blame onto others.
11. Being controlling, wanting everything and everything their own way, some people do like things a certain way, and these can be good habits, but if someone is never willing to compromise, and will only do so if they have something to gain, this is a toxic person.
12. Never been responsible or accountable, never seeing any part they played in any given situation, always blaming those around them, sometimes we do believe we are right, even then we are willing to take others opinions and advice on board, then decided if it suits us or not, toxic people, can only think of themselves.
Some people will do these things sometimes, depending what they are going through. Toxic people will do at least one most of the time, and will do at least five of the things above over time, instead of learning from them, they will just hit repeat.
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