Some people are just toxic, if they are on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum or not, toxic people will try their best to bring you down to their level, they exploit those around them, they drain your emotions, your health, your Finance’s, your energy, they hold you back and cause you to suffer. They just have a negative effect on your well-being and your mental health.
They will take all your hopes and dreams then use them against you to hurt you. They will steal all your joy and all your happiness, leaving you stressed, with possible health problems, anxiety and trauma bonding, with depression and with a lot of anger, resentment and confusion.
Once you free yourself from these people and start working on rebuilding yourself, your life will become so much clearer and so much happier.
Although narcissists lack empathy, all are potentially dangerous. Yet, not all will be dangerous. Some you do just have to walk away from and go no contact. Others once you learn to handle your emotions and reactions around them, I still wouldn’t recommend spending too much time around them, especially if you’re not fully recovered. Still, you can go to the grey rock method. Others you will need to move miles away from.
So if you spot these signs in people you meet, just take the relationship or friendship slow watch their actions match their words. Some people do have one or two traits of narcissism. However, they are not toxic. They’ve just been through life and need help. Others don’t get in too deep until you fully know who they are.
Narcissists are primarily negative about anything and everything, only positive in a moment that benefits them, always putting others down to make themselves feel better. Sometimes we go through negative times. Some people do just need support to get through this. However, they don’t pull everyone else down in the process as they have the empathy to care for others listen closely to the story’s they tell and the words they use.
Extremely impatient, to the extreme, we can all be impatient, at times, toxic people feel entitled, so they can come across as impatient most of the time, observe how quickly they get angry when things don’t go their way or as fast as they want, watch how they treat others, if they treat others as beneath them, you could be dealing with a toxic person if someone reacts when someone provokes, they just need to learn how not to react, if someone provokes others for no reason at all, other than to make themselves feel better, they are toxic.
Extremely envious and extremely jealous of all others, making them highly competitive in all areas of their lives. Some people are competitive. However, they’ll still wish others well. They’ll just motivate themselves to do better without harming others to do so. Narcissists will pull others down to feel better about themselves.
4. Woe is me.
Victim mindset, they are always the victim in every story of things that haven’t worked out for them, often making out they tried to be the hero, most people who have a tough time, will go through a period in the recovery of the victim mindset. Yet, they’ll not want to stay stuck, so they’ll move past this, often blaming both party’s, listening closely to the story’s they tell, and just how many they’ve tried to help and fallen victim to. Narcissists often believe that all others are the problem and accept no responsibility for their own behaviour.
5. Quick to anger.
Narcissists take things far too personally and often feel criticism even when it’s not about them. Some people are naturally sensitive, or they’ve been hurt in the past. However, they will not punish others if they feel criticised. They will either go into a shell or try to talk to you about it. Narcissists often go on the attack and try to hurt you back. Remember what others say about you says more about themselves than you. When someone blames all others for their failings in life, they are a toxic person. If someone says they are the way they are because of some history with one person, they need help and understanding as they are not blaming everyone. Most often, they will be blaming themselves. Don’t listen to other opinions. Listen to your instincts.
6. Holds grudges.
Narcissists keep hold of pain, anger and resentment, often holding onto grudges and wanting revenge. If someone holds many grievances about their past, they may still need to work on it. Most genuine people move past this stage. If they are stuck on seeking revenge, they are toxic. When you don’t help them seek revenge on others, they might seek to punish you. Most of us have times of pain, anger, resentment and wanting revenge, it’s human nature when our feelings get hurt, but as we build ourselves back up, heal and find our inner happiness again, we move past it, those who do not could be toxic, if they do not have at least five traits. If they do not have other characteristics, they could just need to understand and help, as clearing those thoughts is hard, and it is painful. It will, however, get easier.
They are highly judgmental of others, often negatively. It’s ok to be cautious once you’ve become wise, but never judge a book by its cover. Get to know people on a level. Who they indeed are, before you give them too many of your emotions so that you can walk away quicker and easier, everyone makes mistakes. Still, if they keep making the same mistakes that hurt you or those around you, it’s not a mistake, it’s who they are, and it’s time to leave them be. People that like to make others suffer are usually suffering deep within themselves. However, if they can not recognise what they do to others, you can not help them.
8. Lack of empathy.
Lacking in empathy and compassion, unable to put themselves into another person’s shoes, often being negative and cruel towards others, if you can not help someone, it’s ok to walk away, it doesn’t mean you don’t empathise, it means you respect your own values and mental health more.
Cheating is a choice, now some that have been driven to depths of despair may cheat, yet they’ll not feel good, and will not use cheating as a life pattern, toxic people if they can not win they will cheat their way in and out of situations, they enjoy the thrill of cheating on partners, and will usually have a pattern of cheating, if they come to you through an affair, no matter what the lies and excuses were, they will often leave you through an affair. People do make mistakes, but if they keep on making them, then it’s a toxic person who doesn’t care for how their actions affect others.
Lying about anything and everything, sometimes people tell white lies, or a lie, if they believe, would protect someone’s feelings, although they will feel bad and may come clean if it’s eating them up. Toxic people will outright lie and keep on lying to cover the original lies, as they are only interested in protecting themselves. Even when caught with evidence, they will find a way to put the blame onto others.
11. Coercive control.
Being controlling, wanting anything and everything their own way, some people do like things a certain way, and these can be good habits, but if someone is never willing to compromise, never will to listen, and will only do so if they have something to gain, this is a toxic person.
12. No accountability.
Never been responsible or accountable, never seeing any part they played in any given situation, always blaming those around them, sometimes we do believe we are right, even then we are willing to take others opinions and advice on board, then decided, toxic people, can only think of themselves.
Some people will do these things sometimes, depending on what they are going through. Toxic people will do at least one most of the time and will do at least five of the things above over time. Instead of learning from them, they will just hit repeat.
The two sides to a narcissist after no contact.
Fifteen things narcissists say to distract you from the truth.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.
The nine characteristics.