A great man named Tony Robbins discovered the six human needs and the meanings behind them. Now we all need food, water, air and shelter. These are our fundamental human needs. The six human needs are for our emotional/ mental development. There are free tests online to find out your top two.
Human needs are what give us fulfilment or un-fulfilment. What drives us to do what we do, drives us as individuals to make the choices we make. There is an emotional side to everything we do and all the choices we make.
Human needs are.
We all have a need to contribute. We all have a desire to help others. To share great things that have happened, or share negative things that have happened to us when it ended up positive to help others see they can get there. That there is light at the end of the tunnel. When we let someone take our seat on public transport, we Contributed towards their need for a seat. Yet, we also feel good for doing so. There are many ways to contribute to others to fill our need for contribution, from washing someone’s clothes, providing any kind of help or services to someone other than ourselves. Whether we get paid in cash or self-gratification. When we share good experiences with others, it becomes greater than just ourselves.
Tony Robbins “any time your mind believes that by doing something, believing something, or by feeling something, it meets three of your human needs, you become addicted. You can be positively addicted or negatively addicted, but you’re going to become addicted. Any time your mind believes you’re meeting three of your human needs, Though, feeling, emotion or action, you will become addicted.”
You become highly addicted to a narcissistic person as subconsciously, they fill so many of our needs. These needs can be met negatively, neutral or positive. At the start of the relationship, it’s most often positive, the neutral and the end negatively.
1. Love and connection. If they are love bombing you, you feel love and connection. If they are strangling you, it’s negative, but you will be feeling a connection to them at that moment. You’ll also feel the negative side of insignificant, and you’ll feel uncertain as to what they may do next. The narcissist will be filling their need of significance. Either way, if they are love bombing you, you’ll be full of positive love towards them. If they are in your face, shouting, spitting, strangling, they are going to feel significance over you, connection to you in a negative way. They are going to feel certain they are in control over you.
2. Uncertainty/ variety. As you never know what they are up to, where they are, which person you’re going to get when they walk through the door, how they will be when they wake up. The narcissist’s uncertainty is fulfilled by keeping you walking on eggshells, keeping you guessing and often having more than one partner, although not all narcissists cheat.
3. Certainty that you have someone, you are not alone even though you feel alone, that fear of uncertainty of being alone keeps us with them for longer than we should stay, we can also be certain they will change, we’ve seen the good side, we know it exists. The narcissist feels certain they have someone, and if they fear they might not, they’ll make sure they have someone else lined up ready to replace you.
4. Significance, in a positive way that affects us negatively, we feel significant that we are in a relationship, that we help them, provide for them, loan them money. The narcissist feels significant that we will keep giving and they can keep taking.
5. Growth, you believe you were growing as you adapt and change so often to meet their needs, so you don’t get a reaction. The narcissist will most often step up the games to fill their need for growth, yet they never last, so they move onto another target. Again novelty wears off for them. It never lasts. They never grow. Familiarity comes into play. They get bored and search for a new target to fill that need that they can not meet, making them deeply unhappy.
6. Contribution, we believe we are contributing towards them, cooking teas, washing clothes, buying them cars, helping them out etc. Most narcissists never truly meet their need for contribution. They are only ever willing to give to receive, so they are always looking for more and never satisfied or happy deep within themselves.
Contribution and growth are the two needs that truly fulfil us, where we become happier on a new level.
There are free tests online to discover which are your top two human needs, as these are the ones we need to fill the most to find our true happiness.
Once you break free, if you start to consciously fill these needs up in other areas of your life, it will help you break the addiction to the narcissist.
Keep going. You will move past this and onto a much more fulfilled, happier life.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.