Overcoming narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
A great man named Tony Robbins discovered the six human needs and the meanings behind them, now we all need food, water, air and shelter these are fundamental human needs, the six human needs are for our emotional/ mental development and growth, there are free tests online to find out your top two, as when you find things that meet your top two, life becomes much happier.
There is a lot of depth and understanding of human needs, so I’ll be making a post about each individual one.
Human needs are what give us fulfilment or un-fulfilment. What drives us to do what we do, what drives us as individuals to make the choices that we make. There is an emotional side to everything we do and all the choices that we make in day to day life.
The human needs are.
5. Love and connection.
When you’re feeling frustrated and finding it hard to understand all the why? Questions you might have in life. Understanding which top two human needs drive, you will bring you happiness even on those down days.
Whatever we do, we always have a reason, and we may not be aware of the reason, yet we still have a reason.
Once you know what patterns work for you and what don’t, you can start to focus on those that do and lose those that do not.
Certainly, we all need certainty, to find happiness and comfort and to try and avoid pain and discomfort. Those of us who have certainty as one of our top two human needs, as soon as things become uncertain they might get angry, upset, feel out of control, peoples values of certainty although it’s one of the six human needs, the values within that need are different depending if that need is number 1 or number 6. Individual needs of certainty vary from one person to another, some need a job, some need financial security, some need family security, some need religion, some need routine and structure in the home and or family, certainty from meals and mealtimes, exercise, knowing it’s not going how you want now yet it will work out soon.
We can negatively meet our needs of certainty, being angry all the time, this way will only ever meet your need in the short term and will affect your negativity, however, it’ll not serve you in the long term. When you are in a relationship that meets some of your human needs, yet not all of them you stay far way longer than is for your own good, other things come into play, like fear, manipulation of your mind, doing the right thing for the children. Because you may need certainty and uncertainty is the bottom of your list, you may fear to be alone, so stay with something that make you feel certain even though they are feeding you uncertainty whilst in the relationship, which is also negative on you, as it may temporarily fill that human need of certainty, yet if you’re unhappy or being abused you need to break into that uncertainty that’s going to feel uncomfortable and leave, to find your own certainty and feel much happier within you. Until that lightbulb moment hits that the relationship is filling you full of, fear, dread and pain, and when you finally realise it’s time to go. When we find our breaking point, that’s the time we go.
As Tony Robbins said. “People will give up their goals and dreams to meet their individual human needs.”
You can meet certainty neutrally, by sticking with what you know, never taking yourself to that next level, never moving up a gear or trying new things for fear of uncertainty.
Then you can meet it positively, and you can take those steps to see what feels certain in your life, yet it is usually then making you doubt yourself and making you uncertain, you may become obsessive in other areas of your life in your drive to feel certain about the unpredictable things within your life
So where your relationship is making you feel uncertain, you might go overboard on a clean, organised home. (You might like that anyway.) or you may become a perfectionist in another area that doesn’t sever you to well, to fill that need of certainty that your relationship is no longer filling.
You can be certain getting out isn’t going to be easy, when you hit the breaking point, you can be certain it’s what you need to do, and when you get out you need to focus on the long term goals, find your certainty in other areas until and find your happy self again. Start will the simple steps, creating new routines, for you and how you want to spend your day, consciously being thank full and telling yourself you are thank full for anything that is certain in your life right now, even brushing your teeth, so you’re unconscious starts to fill certainty until you’re ready to build on those foundations.
Keep going you’ve got this.
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More on uncertainty.