Overcoming narcissist Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw.
A great man named Tony Robbins discovered the six human needs and the meanings behind them, now we all need food, water, air and shelter these are our fundamental human needs, the six human needs are for our emotional/ mental development. there are free tests online to find out your top two.
There is a lot of depth and understanding of human needs, so I’ll be writing about each individual one.
Human needs are what give us fulfilment or un-fulfilment. What drives us to do what we do, what drives us as individuals to make the choices we make. There is an emotional side to everything we do and all the choices we make.
Human needs are.
5. Love and connection.
We have a need to feel significant and special, to feel unique. The need to feel important. The need to feel wanted and needed.
You can get significance in a positive way through many different ways and we are all individuals in the ways we feel significance, generosity towards other, helping with charities, raising children, working for a good cause, serving the comfort, how you dress, places you go, how many tattoos you have etc.
You can make yourself feel special in many ways. Positive, neutral or negative. Positive by serving others, working hard. An Achievement, neutral doing what you already are. Or negatively like a narcissist destroying all others and feeling like they have the power over others. Or staying unwittingly in an abusive relationship.
As Tony Robbins said. ” work your ass off, take risks, build the tallest building, the other one is blow up everyone else buildings. And by the way, which ones faster, which ones easier, which one takes less intelligence, tearing shit down happens faster.”
Therefore, narcissist people who believe they are important, they are above all others, want to get to the top, the fastest way possible, if someone stands in their way they’ll destroy them any way they can, if someone criticises their power and significance, most narcissists will go all out to destroy. Some are far too lazy.
Some of them find it easier and less effort to try and charm back an ex than find another new.
Yet when they come back unconsciously it fills our significance, we feel loved by them, significant they want us, a certainty that they can fill our needs this time. The contribution that we can help them change. We are unique and the one who will change them, make them see the light etc, with all the trauma bond and wanting to feel connected, even though we know it’ll hurt us long term, it unconsciously and positively at first meets our human needs, to then be taken down again.
When you love hard and then you lose the love, then the love reappears, your love and connection unconsciously make you settle for the bread crumbs of happiness they feed you.
Narcissistic people can be male or female, yet the higher the testosterone the more the drive for dominate and significance.
“Women will die for love, (some men also.)
Men will kill for love, (some women also.)”
Most females are programmed to love and nurture.
Most people find their way to meet significance by having a problem when we have a problem that we need to fix. Especially a significant problem, like within a narcissistic relationship it brings significant obstacles for us to overcome, therefore filling out Hunan need of significance. Most often when the narcissist blames others so the can feel significance that you are causing the problems and they feel significant as they believe the problem is not them.
We can also meet significance by trying to please everyone, and what do most of us do in a narcissistic relationship, we do all we can to please the narcissist.
So often people stay with an abusive partner not only because one of their six needs is significance, certainty or love and connection, then contribution wanting to help them but also they are extremely good at making you feel uncertain, then certain, they give you a variety, then making you feel special and important, just to take you down again, releasing those hormones and causing that trauma bond, so although you know you need to get out, it becomes increasingly hard as it’s unconsciously fulfilling at least four if not all six of your human needs that most of us didn’t even know about.
Tony Robbins “any time your mind believes that by doing something, believing something, or by feeling something it meets three of your human needs you become addicted. You can be positivity addicted or negatively addicted but you’re going to become addicted. Any time your mind believes you’re meeting three of your human needs, Though, feeling, emotion or action, you will become addicted.”
Therefore in an abusive relationship at times you are meeting occasionally when the treat you so right, love and connection, or it was met in the beginning and you want that back, you meet certainty at times, you know you’re in a relationship and you have a partner, you meet uncertainty as you never know where you are with them. Contribution as you believe you are helping them, giving to them, changing to fill their needs and be who you want to be. Significant helping them. Out, looking after them. Therefore your subconscious is keeping you addicted through your human needs.
Filling your six human needs up in other ways will help you lose that addiction to the narcissist, so simple steps to start like paying other people compliments, they will also get significance and a feel-good moment from this, as will your unconscious knowing you made someone else feel good, have a hair cut, treat yourself to some new clothes, help someone, keep finding the positive ways in day to day life to feel significant and lose the old addiction.
You will recover and you will be happy.