If you still have to speak to the narcissist, because of children here are five great phrases to help you disarm them.
When they come at you with. “That’s just like you.” “You’ve done this because you’re bitter.”
Whatever the argumentative, word salad they are using to place all blame onto you, the best answer for you to give them is.
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Narcissistic people believe they know everything and they are trying to get reactions out of you, they want and need you to defend yourself in front of the children, so they can twist it all around, leaving you all worked up, in front of the children so they can slate you to the children, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” completely throws the narcissist off balance.
Another is. “I can accept your perception of events, but I’m sticking to my own.” This not only throws the narcissist of balance again, but it also teaches the children, they are allowed their own thoughts and opinions about what’s happening, you can not control what others think or say, you can, however, control what you think and say.
“I accept you see me differently to how I see my self.” So you acknowledge they see things different yet you’re letting them know you don’t agree. Or “ I accept you see the events differently.”
A narcissist is like children throwing tantrums In adults body’s, one sure fire way is to act like a toddler, no not throw a tantrum back the fabulous. “Why.” You can slowly watch them stumble for words trying to make their word salad point. When the pause for an answer just asks “why.” So when they tell you “it’s all your fault.” Or “you’re crazy.” Just ask “why.” And hit the repeat button of “why.” As they love to hit repeat with the story of their lives.
Or the “you’re keeping the children away from me.” Then the “you’re damaging the children again just a “why.” Then stand back and watch them lose themselves in their twisted version of reality.
When they start to lose it. “Your anger is not my responsibility, I can only control my own.”
Then when they fire something back at you. “Perhaps you should go work on that.”
Or “I accept that’s how you feel, I don’t feel the same.”
Then, “you’re opinions are for you, doesn’t mean I have to agree, mine is for me.”
Some narcissistic people are extremely dangerous, so I wouldn’t recommend if they are, you know what your ex, is and isn’t capable of.
If at all possible no response is the best response, as is no contact.
If you can no response is the best, yet this feels wrong in front of the children, so sometimes in front of the children, so you don’t get into an argument, and so you don’t look rude, as they don’t know or understand why the parent talks to you the way they do yet, the above are the best possible responses.