The Covert Narcissist.

Signs of a covert narcissist.

A covert and an overt can cross over in personality types, although they will lean more towards one, overt or covert if they have at least five of the nine characteristics. Both are narcissistic, and both manipulate for their own gain. They kind of have a split personality, it’s incredibly complicated to describe, but here goes. First, You need to define what you’re dealing with, then move on with your life. If someone is abusive lacks empathy, destroys others, continues to let you down and continues to hurt you, whoever they are, find a safe way to get out and stay out.

Most narcissistic tactics are hidden, yet covet don’t always match what you read about narcissist personality disorder.

Narcissist personality disorder, is on a spectrum, most of us can have a trait or two of narcissism, meaning someone can be confident and achieve success in life, yet they are not arrogant, they have not destroyed others to get there, they care for others and are not a narcissist, some people can have quite a few, but it doesn’t make them a narcissist, more a toxic person, fool, annoying or just a twit.

You can have people with BPD, that isn’t a narcissist, people in survival mode fight during recovery that are not a narcissist.

Signs of a covert narcissist.

When you meet them, they can seem ok. Some can be very well mannered, some polite, some well respected in the community.

Sometimes people can have that self-centeredness that’s not as in your face as you’d think when you look at narcissism in the media.

Then as time goes by, something just doesn’t seem right, you just can not seem to communicate with them.

They are not loud, and in charge like you might think someone with the disorder would be.

In the beginning, they don’t tend to be argumentative, but over time, you notice they seem to have a sense of entitlement, and superiority, just not as in your face as you’d expect a narcissist to be. You feel like they are approachable after the idolisation stage but not overly sure.

The more you get to know them, you notice, they hate feeling vulnerable, and hate any weaknesses been known to others, as you get to learn more about them, they don’t tell you to much about themselves, when you see any humanity or flaws in them, they go on the attack with blame and shame towards you and your faults. They’re not very accepting of others weakness the expose peoples secret in a subtle manner, ”I think you should know, but don’t mention I told you.”

The covert narcissist can also come across as shy, empty, depressed, low energy, you’ve probably got people saying, they’re not quite right, something not all there with them, Covert narcissist have grandiosity on the inside, but the feel ashamed about it. If they get stressed, they might even have some anxiety.

They will play the victim. Even if there is evidence against then, they will twist, so they are the victim so that all others are to blame, they will do all they can to avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour.

They can be very vulnerable in front of you, gaining sympathy emotions, they will want you to feel sorry for them. They might look very dramatic when they are looking for sympathy.

Lots of passive-aggressive behaviour, you’ll get those silent treatments, sulking off, cutting you mid-sentence, making promises and failing to deliver, you will often walk on eggshells around them.

They shut down and withdraw, you just suddenly get the silent treatment out of nowhere, often leaving you wondering what just happened, there’s a lack of empathy with them, they come across as cold and not interested in you, they just don’t care about you.

They seem almost smug. It’s their way or no way, they come across as a very misunderstood, special person, who knows what others think or feel, you just don’t understand them, they can act very woe is me the world is against me, gaining sympathy from those around them, they can come across very negative. Yet, as they’ve played the victim so well, people have compassion towards them, try to help them, not realising the narcissist is trying to exploit them.

Everyone who manipulates tries to do it under the raider, so even overt narcissists are underhand with it, coverts are basically shy narcissists. Neither wants to be exposed for their wrongdoings.

Covert narcissists have a lack of confidence and more self-doubt.

The first sign that something is wrong is as soon as you start googling someone’s behaviour, when there is something you don’t like about how someone is treating you, or treating those you love, so you’re looking for information of what’s just happened, or what has helped. You’ve turned into a detective, not only if you’re still in the relationship, but if you’ve got out, trying to work it out.

Rule one if you have doubt, there probably is no doubt, if they are a narcissist and you are doubting if you are because you’d react at times, as narcissists and enablers claim it takes two to tango, to shame and blame the victim so abusers can get away with their behaviour. No, because you have empathy, you loved hard, you hurt hard. Reactive Abuse is abuse however it is not the same as abuse, no one deserves to be manipulated or hurt, you are a good caring person who likes to look for the good in others, and there’s no wrong in that, just learning behaviour you will and will not accept from others, From now on, so People who do things you don’t like, leave them to it and find people who love you for you.

Also, unless you were raised by narcissistic parents, if you never used to think anything was wrong with you, and you never used to question if you were a narcissist, being around a narcissist, was what got you questioning yourself, almost everyone that has been around a narcissist, will doubt and blame themselves due to all the narcissists gaslighting.

Covert narcissists believe they have a right to everything, and they are self-entitled, they do believe they are special. They have a lack of empathy, think they are better than all around them, yet at the same time, think they’re not good enough.

They can be, extremely self-centred, extremely stubborn, they have no respect for boundaries, hypersensitive to criticism, very arrogant and will not apologise, only if it’s twisted around onto you, passive-aggressive, they are people who try to come across as perfect, who are morally superior.

Coverts will guilt trip others as much as they can.

Things like. “ I’ve got no money, but I really, really need to get this, that or other.” They might not directly ask. If they are ill, they’ll want a tone of sympathy. Often making those around them, feel guilty.

They pass all their, insecurities onto their main partner.

Covert are the ones who will say. “Are you really going to wear that. ” or “I wouldn’t bother doing that if I was you.” They rarely directly have a dig at you, most often it’s underhand and extremely hurtful.

After this kind of relationship peoples egos and pride can kick in, many feel stupid at being duped, however without awareness due to the narcissists covert, coercive controlling manipulation, people don’t see what’s happening to them until a narcissist has sunk them, there’s no shame in caring for another, pass the shame back to the rightful owner the abuser, narcissists are very good at convincing you that you’re the problem to evade consequences for their behaviour when without the abuser there would be no victim, the problem is the abuser.

The cheating covert narcissist.

Passive-aggressive narcissistic manipulation.

The covert narcissist.

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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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