Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Signs of a covert narcissist.
A covert and an overt can cross over in personality types, although they will lean more towards one, overt or covert are both narcissistic, and both manipulate for their own goals. They kind of have a split personality, it’s extremely complicated to describe, but here goes. First, You need to define what you’re dealing with, then move on with your life. If someone is abusive lacks empathy, destroys others, continues to let you down and continues to hurt you, whoever they are, get out and stay out.
Most narcissist tactics are hidden, yet covet don’t always match what you read about narcissist personality disorder.
Narcissist personality disorder, is on a spectrum, we can all have a trait or two of narcissism, meaning someone can be confident and achieve success in life, yet they have not destroyed others to get there, they care for others and are not a narcissist, some people can have quite a few, but it doesn’t make them a narcissist, more a toxic person, fool, idiot or just a twit.
You can have people with BPD, that isn’t a narcissist, with narcissists you have.
Overt v’s covert.
not Vulnerable v’s vulnerable
Arrogant v’s shy.
So here’s what a covert narcissist will be like,
You meet them, they seem ok, some well mannered, some polite,
Then as time goes by, something just doesn’t seem right, you just can not seem to communicate with them.
Sometimes people can have that self-centeredness that’s not as in your face as you’d think when you look at narcissism in the media.
They are not loud and in charge like you might thing someone with the disorder would be.
In the beginning, they don’t tend to be argumentative, but over time, you notice they seem to have a sense of entitlement, and superiority, just not as in your face as you’d expect a narcissist to be. You feel like they are approachable after the idolisation stage but not overly sure.
The more you get to know them, you notice, they hate feeling vulnerable, and hate any weaknesses been known to others, as you get to know more about them, they don’t tell you to much about them, when you see any humanity or flaws in them, they go on the attack with blame and shame towards you and your faults.
They shut down and withdraw, you just suddenly get the silent treatment out of nowhere, often leaving you wondering what just happened, there’s a lack of empathy with them, they come across as cold and not interested in you, they just don’t care about you.
They seem almost smug, it’s their way or no way, they come across as a very misunderstood, special person, who knows what others think or feel, and you just don’t understand them,
Lots of passive-aggressive behaviour, you’ll more often, get the silent treatment, sulking off, cutting you mid-sentence, making promises and failing to deliver, you will often walk on eggshells around them.
Everyone who manipulates tries to do it under the raider, so even covert narcissist is sly with it, coverts are basically shy narcissists.
They have a lack of confidence and more self-doubt.
The first sign that something is wrong, is as soon as you start googling someone’s behaviour, there is something you don’t like about how someone is treating you, or treating those you love, so here you are looking for information of what’s just happened, or what has helped, and you’ve turned into a detective, not only if you’re still in the relationship, but if you’ve got out, trying to work it out.
Rule one if you have doubt, there probably is no doubt, and they are a narcissist if you are doubting if you are because you’d react, and it takes two to tango, no because you have empathy, you loved hard, you hurt hard. Reactive Abuse is not the same as abuse, no one deserves to be manipulated or hurt, you are a good caring person who likes to look for the good in others, and there’s no wrong in that, just learning behaviour you will and will not accept from others, From now on, so I People do things you don’t like, leave them to it and find people who love you for you.
Also, you never used to think anything was wrong with you, and you never used to question if you were a narcissist, being around a narcissist, was what got you questioning yourself, almost everyone that been around a narcissist, will at some point question themselves when they look for answers.
An overt narcissist is like a baseball bat to the mind.
A covert is like cancer taking over your mind and body.
After a narcissistic relationship your ego can kick in with a, they’re actually quite dumb, how have they duped me?
The covert narcissist can come across shy, empty, depressed, low energy, you’ve probably got people saying, they’re not quite right, something not all their with them, they have grandiosity on the inside, but the feel ashamed about it. If they get stressed, they might even have some anxiety.
They will be very vulnerable in front of you, gaining sympathy emotions, they will want you to feel sorry for them. They might look very dramatic when they are looking for sympathy.
They believe they have a right to everything, and they are self-entitled, they do believe they are special. They have no empathy, think they are better than all around them, yet at the same time, believe they are not good enough.
No respect for boundaries,
Hypersensitive to criticism,
They are very arrogant and will not apologise, only if it’s twisted around onto you.
They are people who try to come across as perfect, who are morally superior.
Coverts will guilt trip others as much as they can.
Things like. “ I’ve got no money, but I really, really need to get this, that or other.” They might not directly ask. If they are ill, they’ll want a tone of sympathy. Often making those around them, feel guilty.
They will always play the victim. Even if there is evidence, they will twist, so they are the victim.
They pass all their, insecurities onto their main partner.
Covert are the ones who will say. “Are you really going to wear that. ” or “I wouldn’t bother doing that if I was you.” They rarely directly have a dig at you, most often it’s underhand and extremely hurtful.
Female vulnerable narcissist.
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