The Narcissist And Triangulation.

How a narcissist manipulates through others.

Triangulation is another form of narcissists manipulation of those around them. This is where the narcissistic person acts as a messenger between two or more people. They will twist things, lie and exaggerate to the other people involved. No one is excluded from this, and they will triangulate work colleagues, friends, siblings, children, partners, parents and professionals.

Narcissists do this to gain control of others, divide and conquer people, drive a wedge between people, gain supporters and flying monkeys for the narcissist by playing people off against each other.

Through triangulation, they get others to doubt each other, to fight each other over the narcissist, they Gaslight people into questioning themselves, shattering people’s self-worth. When narcissists triangulate, people often don’t even know what’s happening, and most of the time, neither party knows the truth.

A narcissist wants to:-

1. Create shame in people, which instils into others a belief that they are not worthy or good enough.

2. Create a competition of those around them by comparing people against each other, which instils a feeling of jealousy, competition, resentment in those around the narcissist and a sense of not being enough.

3. Create jealousy between those around them. The narcissist is insecure deep down underneath their Mask, and they are also extremely Envious and resentful of those around them. Some make this more evident than others.

4. Create absolute chaos between people, creating drama that instils stress and anxiety in those around them.

5. Create seeds of self-doubt in the minds of those around them.

6. Create an atmosphere in other friendships.

7. Create isolation, cutting people off from support networks and reality checks.

8. Create control of all others.

9. Create a feeling of guilt in others, so they conform to the narcissist’s demands.

10. Create confusion in those around them, which causes Cognitive Dissonance within the minds of those close to them, which causes people to become trapped within their own minds, believing they sound stupid or crazy.

11. Create conflict in those around them.

12. Create attention and reality checks going through the narcissist only.

How do they do this?

1. Killing two birds with one stone method.

They will often inform a partner of someone flirting with them or talk about how an ex would have done something for them, which confuses you as they’ve already smeared the ex and told you how much they hate them. You then end up feeling jealous and insecure, often losing your Boundaries and trying harder and harder to please them. So they can make you doubt your thoughts and feelings through gaslighting if you bring anything up, the narcissist will tell you. “You’re insecure.” Or “I was only joking.” When, in reality, your instincts are correct. The narcissist gets attention while they gain control of your mind, and you slowly lose control of your mind.

2. Recruiting reinforcement.

They will lie and Smear other people’s names, as well as yours. They will pity play, so you feel bad for the narcissist and want to help them and protect them, unwittingly taking on the narcissists opinions, becoming an Enabler and assisting the narcissist in bullying and destroying others believing the narcissist is innocent and the third party is at fault.

3. Splitting.

The narcissist will extract information from one, then gossip with another about it, they’ll even lie about what one person has said about another when you defend yourself to the narcissist, the narcissist will then go back to the other party to relay what was supposed to have been said to them, they use this to control information shared between people, once they’ve fulled a rift between people, they will then smear one person to all others, or fake concerns about you. Hence, people pity the narcissist, which then cuts you off and protects the narcissists’ false reality from coming out. So the narcissist can play the victim, and the real victim looks like the crazy abuser to others.

4. Flirt and deny.

Another one to provoke the feelings of jealousy, insecurities and self-doubt in you, yet they’ll flirt in front of you then deny all knowledge.

5. Exclusion.

When out with friends, they will purposefully leave you out of the conversation. They’ll leave you out of jokes. They’ll leave you out of activities. So you feel excluded, left out, insecure. If you speak up, they’ll say things like “they need space.” Or “you’re too obsessive and controlling.” So you end up questioning yourself.

6. Extracting information then using it against you in front of others.

Again they will use gossip, lies and use private information. They will shame you in front of other people in a way that those around you don’t see what they have done. But you know what they said, and then they will deny this to you if you dare to ask them.

7. Devalue someone to you.

So the narcissist will tell you that someone you know gossips about you behind your back, that they are no good for you, or how bad it is someone did something you have done to make you feel shame. They will put you down via talking about a third party.

If you are going through triangulation, Grey Rock or No Contact them, only respond, do not react directly to them or in front of them and only respond if needed. If you get a chance to call them out on it when with the third person and the narcissist say. ” they informed me you’d said this about me, is this true.” and watch the narcissist squirm. If they are using the court system to destroy you and triangulate you against others, stick to facts, try to have evidence, do not discuss anything with the narcissist everything via the solicitors and courts, speak to who asked you a question, do not look at or react to the narcissist. Keep control of your mindset and avoid the traps of the narcissist. Remember they are doing it to use others, gain control of others and get a response. If at all possible, no contact and take back control of your mind, narcissists are desperate to control the minds of all those around them. When you see the patterns, they cycle around, and it becomes easier to break free.

The Nine Characteristics Of The Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Signs Of A Narcissist.

As the word narcissist is becoming more well-known, some claim it’s been thrown around too much. Research suggests 0.5 to 1 % of the population are diagnosed with NPD. Yet, there are many undiagnosed on the spectrum of the disorder, meaning most of us will have unwittingly become involved with a narcissist at some point in our lives. This could be friends, work colleagues, parents, siblings, partners or bosses.

Someone can be confident, yet they are not a narcissist, someone can be successful, yet they are not narcissistic, some people when genuinely hurt by someone’s actions or words and they can fall silent, yet they are not a narcissist. A narcissistic person uses the silent treatment as a form of mental torture to get others to doubt themselves, blame themselves and beg for forgiveness for something they didn’t even do.

There are nine characteristics of the narcissist personality disorder, and people need to have at least five of these to be on the disorder. Some narcissistic people are extremely good at covertly hiding these; some are not, most can not hide them from those they are closet to long term.

1. Arrogance And haughty behaviour.

They have a proud and sometimes unpleasant manner of being proud of who they are and all they do. They believe they are far better, and above all others, they believe their reality as fact. They think they’re always right, even when faced with evidence proving otherwise. They have an exaggerated opinion of themselves, their abilities and their achievements.

Unjustly domineering of others, they have a strong tendency to take control over others without any thought to other people’s opinions or feelings. They expect unquestionable obedience from others. They will bully, Intimidate, pressure, oppress, dictate, and terrorise others to bend the other person’s will and break down their boundaries. Through gaslighting, projection, blame-shifting, provoking, and other manipulation tactics to take control over others.

2. Grandiosity.

Some victim narcissists are less evident as they don’t always act in a grand manner, and most narcissistic people will play victim at some point to gain attention, or get out of trouble. Deep down, those who don’t show it and those who do show they feel within themselves far superior to all others. They believe their wisdom and talents are far above all others. Some will use their body’s the Somatic narcissist, and others will use their minds as the Cerebral narcissist. Some can use both. They believe others are insignificant and will do their best to make others feel Insecure around them. To emphasise to themselves that they are superior to all others.

3. Preoccupied With Success And Power.

Not all successful people are narcissistic, and not all narcissistic people are successful. As they have high expectations, they never fail. If they do, that will always be someone else’s fault, or they’ll have a valid excuse as to why that didn’t happen for them. Again it’ll usually be someone else’s fault. They will lie or exaggerate any achievement and most often believe their lies, which makes them all the more convincing.

4. A Lack Of Empathy For All Others.

This is the most dangerous characteristic trait of a narcissistic person; this can be subtle and extremely hard to detect. They often have cognitive empathy, meaning they can think emphatically on how to act when needed. Their lack of emotional understanding of Empathy is because of low emotional intelligence, meaning they do not get what others feel. They are unable to put themselves in another’s shoes. They cannot genuinely love and care for any other person. They have no genuine remorse or guilt. They will go through the motions when getting married, having a baby, or the death of someone supposedly close to them, yet this is all an act, they do not know this is abnormal as they can only see how others act, so put a mask on, they can not feel what others feel, some later in life when they’ve pushed everyone away might realise they don’t feel the same that others do.

5. A Belief They Are Unique And Special.

They believe they are one of a kind, that they are unique, and all others don’t understand them. Thus making them think others are inferior to them. Other people do not matter to them. They feel others don’t have the same things in common as them, often using other people’s, hobbies, dreams and passions as their own and passing them off as their own, which they can not keep up as it’s not who they indeed are.

6. Requires Excessive Admiration.

They need people’s attention, negative or positive, as they need to feel other people admire them; they want this either through love or through fear. They want respect, Praise and appreciation from other people. They need this to fill up their profound hidden lack of self-esteem that most are unaware of within themselves.

7. Exploitative.

They will use all situations and all people to meet a need of their own. They will take advantage of other people and situations by any means they can. They will take advantage of other people’s needs, wants and desires, and they’ll also use others’ weaknesses against them. They will unfairly use people to profit, gain, further their advantage or comfort themselves in one or more of these ways by being deceitful, underhand, calculated, selfish, illegal, ruthless, cruel. Cunning, sly, dishonest, crooked. They will step over all others to get their own needs met.

8. Envious and Jealous of others.

They have a deep feeling of resentment toward other peoples luck, qualities, achievements, or possessions. They are never happy with what they have and always want more, and they often believe that all others are out to get them and think others are Jealous and Envious of them.

9. A Sense Of Entitlement.

They believe they have the right to anything and everything that they want. They think they deserve special treatment and privileges, and often why they get angry when kept waiting or being ignored, they will use the Silent Treatments, rage and provoke others if they feel their entitlement has been criticised.

The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, and they will use a weakness of the individual they are targeting. They will use their manipulation tactics to suit their needs and depending on the person they are trying to manipulate. As we have the malignant, grandiose, somatic, cerebral, overt and covert, the vulnerable narcissist on the spectrum, some are far more dangerous than others. You need to stay well clear. Others, if you can manage your state of mind and limit contact, you don’t have to cut them off completely. Just be careful they don’t infect your mind.

What is a narcissist?

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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

The narcissist Illusion.

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The Narcissist And Triangulation.

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The Nine Characteristics Of The Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

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