The narcissists stare.
When you first meet a narcissist in the love-bombing stage of the relationship, you may believe they have the most loving and caring eyes. Their gaze into your eyes is often mistaken as intense or a feeling of nervousness as they gaze into yours asking all about your likes and dislikes so they can match these and mirror you, to reflect back exactly what you want to hear, if you’d like to get married, they’ll want to get married, if you like the movies, they’ll like the movies, they get to know your dreams, and they claim they want them to, we don’t recognise their gaze into our eyes is making us feel uncomfortable because they’re manipulating us.
Narcissists mirror how people act and behave, but if you pay close attention to their eyes, they can not fake how their eyes look, how they truly feel, or how their eyes make us feel. Unfortunately, when we are unaware, we often mistake our feelings of unease around them as nerves.
In the Idealisation, they have a way of holding your gaze and mirroring it by using actions and words. We mistake the creepiness for intensity, often creating a deep connection.
Yet after a while, a narcissist can no longer maintain their Admiration face. Their envious face comes to the surface, and their eyes begin to change.
In the devaluation, when they are shaming you, they can look at you with contempt as though we are worthless or beneath them, as they are shaming us. We can feel like we are worthless and mistake their contempt as pity, believing they care and want the best for us, especially with their gaslighting words of, “Do you think you should do that.” Or “I’m only trying to help you.” So we doubt ourselves and not the narcissist.
When you ask them a simple question, they can look at you with hostility. That once seemingly caring person suddenly becomes unfriendly and unapproachable as they devalue you through many intimidating methods. Trying to communicate with them can leave you walking on eggshells in fear of them.
When you question them about something, with evidence of things they actually did do, their eyes can seemingly turn black and cold as they look at you with malice as they feel threatened that fear they might be exposed, often why they try to provoke you into reacting so they can convince you that your reactions to their actions are the problem when it’s their actions that are the problem.
When they look at you with extreme hate, often because they feel entitled and superior, so when things don’t go their way, they can feel intense rage and anger, their look of pure hatred is something out of this world, and it chills you.
Sometimes when you look closely into their eyes, there seems to be nothing there. They have an empty gaze, or a strange stare, that chilling look they give you that chills the entire room and your soul. If you carefully look into their eyes, there is a kind of void in there, that before you know and understand it, you put it down to someone who’s just going through some stuff, yet deep down, there isn’t anything truly there, other than hatred, anger and Envy.
When they’ve caused you so much pain, when you’re heartbroken, a narcissist will sit and watch you cry with a glint in their eye, no remorse for the pain they’ve caused you, no apology. Instead, they blame you for feeling how you do. A narcissist is never wrong and doesn’t see themselves as the problem. If you see them during the smear campaign, they can have that glint in their eye with a smirk on their face. That duper’s delight, as they’re manipulating those around you to question your character or reputation and the narcissist believes they’re getting away with their behaviour.
As you get further into the relationship, you notice just how empty their eyes are, yet with the games they play, you can not work it out. You don’t see it for what they indeed are until your out and work it all out. Then you understand what your instincts were trying to tell you at the time.
The saying that people’s eyes are the window to the soul, which in one way means eyes are the window to someone’s true intentions or true emotional state of mind. Whatever emotions narcissists are feeling, you are seeing within their eyes. That blank stare is when they feel nothing, empty. That intense stare in the love bombing is the duper’s delight as they manipulate. That contempt is because they believe they’re better than others. The malicious stare is their anger, their hatred with a passion as they seek revenge. As they believe you’ve scorned them, they believe within themselves that you deserved whatever horrific thing it is they did to you.
When a narcissist feels threatened in some way, fear of exposure, fear of failure, fear of abandonment, their pupils can dilate as a natural reaction to the fact they feel threatened, that with their anger and rage can be an extremely scary and intimidating look, as there seems to be nothing there, it can be hard to feel empathy when you’re afraid. Therefore a narcissist who feels threatened, is angry, and lacks empathy is someone you need to move away from safely.
Their stare of pure hatred at the time it is exceptionally unsettling and frightening. It’s incredibly unnatural, and like the person you believed them to be, has vanished. You’re left with that body and a person you simply do not know, as their emotional state has gone to pure hatred.
That’s because the person you thought they were was you. They were simply mirroring your dreams, hobbies, passions, likes and dislikes, then selling them back to you as though they wanted them to, then when their admiration face slips, their envious face appears revealing who they indeed are.
For more information about understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse, click the links below.
The narcissist’s smirk.
The narcissist’s eyes.
Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.
For the free course.
Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.
All about the narcissist Online course.
Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.