There’s are several myths floating around the internet about narcissists, many of which are entirely accurate. We can all have opinions, ideas, theories and beliefs, most of which are passed down from generation to generation, with many adding or subtracting information, many based on scientific evidence, which can also over time be debunked when new data comes along.
We can also have people with traits of narcissism, however not on the disorder, narcissists on the disorder with low levels of characteristics, those with high. Then narcissist sociopaths and narcissist psychopaths, so these myths don’t apply to all.
Stay true to your experience, your values and your beliefs without trying to change others, as most of us know how painful it is when someone tries to change ours, some people agree with you, people who will agree to disagree, and those we need to be careful around because they try to mould you and control you into being who they want you to be, and not care for you for who you are, the beauty in being different is not everyone is the same.
Myth number one. They have no emotions.
Narcissists do experience and feel emotions. Unfortunately, most of the feelings they do feel are dominated by those negative emotions. For many reasons, they feel negative emotions such as anger, resentment, annoyance, rage, disgust, boredom and loneliness. They also feel shame, jealousy, envy and hatred. Aggression, malaise, contempt, it’s these emotions that often make them seek external validation from those around them, seeking that excessive attention to make themselves feel better within, it’s also these emotions that make them so ruthless and manipulative towards others.
They have a lack of empathy. Most often, any empathy they do have is self-serving empathy. It doesn’t matter if you’re struggling with them. It’s “what about me” they do experience joy, sadness, regret, guilt and love, just not in the same way as others do, as love is a feeling individual to each person, it seems when a narcissist is love bombing and gaining the attention they feel joy, they feel pleased with themselves, they feel the love in a way in which their needs are being met.
Myth number two. They believe they are superior.
Yes, many do believe they are superior and entitled to special treatment and attention, some feel very inferior, why they drag others down to raise themselves up, why they are envious of those the narcissist perceives to be doing better than themselves, many with deep-rooted insecurities of which some hide better from themselves and those around them than others.
Myth number three. The narcissist misses you.
Yes, some do miss the things you provided for them, others do not miss you, some narcissists do not miss anyone, most miss the attention you gave them emotional response you provided them, they miss the belongings you purchased them, or money home and cars that you provided, or helped them achieve, they miss what the narcissist viewed as your good traits, that they could mirror, copy and then pass off as their own to others.
When a narcissist discards, they often believe you were no longer meeting their needs. Most, not all will already have a new partner waiting or other supply, when the new isn’t meeting their needs, they may come back to you and try to hoover you, not because they want you, but because they believe the new isn’t meeting their needs and now you can.
Myth number four. They all hoover.
If you leave them, they can feel scorned and seek revenge others will come for the grand hoover as they’ll miss, what you can provide them, a home, money, traits and attention, sometimes you can do no contact to a point they can not hoover, for many reasons, not all narcissists return with the hoover.
Myth number five. You reacting and getting angry at them makes them angry.
Most often, once we react to a narcissist, the narcissist then seems calm and collected as they’ve often projected their feelings onto us, they’ve usually done something to bring us down in order for us to react, so they can make us feel all those negative emotions they feel, so they can put themselves back in control and feel powerful again. You falling silent on them does not affect them or upset them, not in a way it does us. Mostly they’ll just understand they need to try a new form of manipulation on you to gain your attention. Most know that our positive emotions mean we find it hard to go no contact and treat them how they treat us, so they will up their games to lower your guard and claim positive or negative responses from you.
Myth number six. They hate being alone.
They need to surround themselves with people and often cross over partners or have more than one available. In one sense, it’s true, as many fear abandonment, but not all do. They also can be surrounded by people and feel loneliness if no one is meeting their needs. Not all narcissists will jump from one relationship to the next, if they are getting their needs met by friends or family, work colleagues, they can be alone while they meet someone new, although most will not want to wait too long, as long as they are getting their needs met by someone. They don’t always feel lonely when alone, and they do enjoy their own company. With social media, they can now be alone yet be in touch and search for the next person they can manipulate.
Remember being alone and being lonely are two different things for people on the disorder and those not on the disorder.
Myth number seven.
They are all the same. The disorder is on a spectrum with nine diagnostic criteria of which someone would need five, and it can vary which five they have. They are also individuals, so some are somatic and all about appearance, be it facial features, body, homes, cars, so even the somatic has variables. The cerebral works more with intellect. However, most narcissists are covert as they try to keep their manipulative behaviour hidden. There is the covert narcissist that is the more fragile narcissist, then the overt who can be more outrageous in their behaviour as they usually have an army of enablers and flying monkeys protecting them.
The nine traits of narcissism.
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Manipulation tactics of a Covert Narcissist.