Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
1. When you say no.
A narcissistic person believes they are right, and they are above all others, they believe they are entitled, they love taking down other people’s boundaries one by one. This doesn’t mean don’t say no to them, this means, say your no, mean your no, expect the unexpected as they up their games to break down your boundaries. Do not react to them. They do not want your reasons, and they are not wanted to compromise. They only want your attention and to win at all costs to you. They will use all your weaknesses against you. So be prepared. Stick to your no, do not respond and do not react. You could also find different ways to say no, so it’s not a direct no, or a no that makes the narcissist think it was their idea.
A narcissistic person simply believes they should be the centre of attention, and they do not care for positive or negative, they just want you thinking about them. Whoever the narcissist is in your life, this is why it’s best you don’t let them know anything about you, blocking flying monkeys, if it’s regarding children. Simple facts to the point on a need to know basis. They resent others being happy as they are so unhappy with themselves.
4. When you no longer feel fear or guilt towards them.
They want to be in control at all cost, they want you full of fear, afraid to speak up or go against them, they want you feeling guilty. So you give in and do exactly what they want. Narcissist parents, friends, work colleagues and partners can use these tactics to make you conform. They might threaten you with by saying they’ll tell others your secrets, your deepest fears. Some are dangerous, so stay safe, others are not and are full of empty threats. Or guilt trip you with pity plays, from faking illnesses to saying you’re hurting someone you love by not giving in to the narcissist’s demands. So long as your intentions are good. Listen to yourself and your instincts and not the self-doubt their toxic words are trying to feed you.
5. When you put the blame back onto who it belongs.
The narcissist is deluded. They even delude themselves, and they don’t feel guilt or remorse, they feel shame, to remove that shame, they blame all others, projecting and blame-shifting all their insecurities, wrongdoings and problems onto others, they can not handle it when you’ll not take the blame. Be prepared for them. “You’re crazy.” Or you’re insecure, and you’re sensitive.” Then the. “If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t.” Do not react, and they’re not looking to sort it out. They’re looking to put all responsibility onto you, so they are not accountable and don’t feel the same. When they are smearing you to others, and you rise above not reacting, they hate this as it’s destroying the illusion they are trying to pass onto others about you, they will up their games to try and get you to react so they can say. “See I told you they were.”
6. When you move on with your life, reconnect with old friends and family. Find your confidence, inner love, sense of self and happiness.
This is why it’s best they know as little about you as possible as if they believe you’re doing well without them, most will come for the hoover, as they believe they can use you again to meet a need. Narcissistic people also isolate you by triangulation, manipulation and gaslighting, and they want you alone, so you only have them for a reality check, then when they are bored, they can swoop back in whenever they want to rescue you, then destroy you again. This is why it’s best if you don’t want the hoover they know nothing about you. If it’s friends or family, the less they know, the better, the less they belittle you and try to plants seeds of doubt in your mind about others, so you’ll no longer need to go to them for a reality check. Always look inwards to yourself and your instincts. They want to be in control of all others. Using any manipulation method they can.
7. When you leave and never go back.
To a narcissist, people are an appliance. Where we buy a mobile phone, then if we damage it by cracking the screen we either get it fixed or buy a new, if the new one breaks, we might see if we can make do with the old one, until the new one is fixed, or we can purchase another new one. If we lose our phones, most of us are annoyed with ourselves.
They want all others to be dependent on them, and they want people to believe they are nothing without them. It breaks their illusion of power and control when others just walk away. Again don’t let them know anything about you, if they think you have something to offer, something they can use, they will either try to win you back to use you or destroy you.
Some narcissistic people are lazy, will just leave you alone, others give up their games quicker. Some my fear you were outing them and leave you alone. Some will up their games.
Continue working on you, making your life great, leaving the past behind, and having a much more positive happy life.
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