Growing up with narcissistic siblings.
A toxic sibling can cause havoc in the family dynamics and need to be kept at arm’s length for your own sanity.
If you have one or both your parents are narcissistic, you may end up with a narcissistic sibling.
The narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum. There are lots of different types, overt, covets, grandiose, vulnerable, cerebral, somatic, classic, malignant, they lack empathy, they feel self-entitled, they exploit people. Some are potentially dangerous, although some are more extreme and more dangerous than others.
Some are very easy to spot once you know the traits of a narcissistic person, others are not so easy, some you can grey rock and disarm, others no contact, and then those you just have to move miles away from.
The narcissist, in general, is determined to harm you emotionally, mentally, physically and financially. It’s extremely difficult to come to terms with the fact that the sibling you grew up with is a toxic person.
A few signs of a narcissistic sibling, which is the same as other narcissists.
They are extremely self-centred and want everything their own way.
They will put their siblings and others down to boost themselves because of their lack of self-esteem.
They will only be interested in you if they feel they have something to gain, they are extremely envious of you, and believe they are entitled to whatever you have.
They have no conscience￼, and if they want something that’s yours, they feel entitled just to have it.
They have a lack of empathy, so they have no regard for your feelings.
They will plan and plot against you. No matter what the age gap.
It’s all about what they want when they want it, and they usually get precisely what they do want through endless manipulation tactics.
Some have extremely aggressive personality’s, some children are born aggressive, and some are sensitive. Yet, parental input usually helps them develop with empathy. If you had a narcissistic parent, the parent might have encouraged your sibling’s aggressiveness towards you.
They do not care for who you are, how you feel, or what you think, and it is merely all about them.
You may not fully remember as a young child just how badly they treated you, yet you’ll recognise the abuse the older you get.
If they were the golden child, your parents would have placed no boundaries on their behaviour and often given them what they wanted whenever they wanted it. The parents will want to use the golden child as a reward for their own achievements.
If the golden child was good looking intelligent, be it academically, sport, musical, creative, your parents will have played close attention to these achievements, pushing them for more and better.
If they were the scapegoat, your narcissistic parents would have invalidated them at every turn; they will have been judged, ridiculed and blamed for all that’s wrong in the narcissist’s parents life.
You may remember growing up that your narcissistic sibling bullied you, intimidated you, stole from you and terrorised you.
They may have threatened you not to tell others, and you’ll have been that terrified you wouldn’t have done.
Now and again, when they wanted something from you, or they wanted to use you for something, they would have played nice, as all narcissists do, just to confuse you even more.
They will plot and plan with great detail, to claim any and all inheritance.
If you were not protected from your narcissistic parents or at least one of your parents, you would probably suffer from childhood trauma yourself as you grew up, often not trusting in others.
Narcissist parents will play the golden child, scapegoat child and non-existent child off against each other. They will usually manipulatively help with any bullying, and they will triangulate siblings to divide and conquer for themselves. The narcissistic sibling will also triangulate their parents, their siblings and their friends.
There is no low a narcissist will not stoop to if they feel they have something to gain.
Whoever the narcissist was in your life, you can heal from the trauma and move on to a much happier life. It is a long, tough road, but it is possible to remove these people from your life and move onwards and upwards to greater inner peace.
Realising you have free will, and you don’t have to stay trapped in the dynamics of a toxic family, surrounded yourself with people who understand you, so you can lose any self-doubt or inner conflict within yourself, validating your feelings from those who’ve lived it, you’re far from alone in how you feel.
Boundaries, creating boundaries around toxic family members, saying no and sticking to your no, whatever your boundaries are to you.
Limiting contact with toxic family members or going no contact.
Working on your self-esteem, your life now.
Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.