Like many people who’ve endured Narcissistic and emotional abuse, you probably didn’t realise what was happening to you until you reached a point of near insanity, believing that you are crazy. You began searching desperately for answers about the mental and physical things you’re feeling and the way that person you believed to care about you is now treating you.
To make matters worse, the person you love has made you feel you can’t do anything right to make the relationship work. The hope of making it work always lies on the distant horizon and is entirely dependent upon your changing something about yourself to conform to their demands and please them.
This is impossible for you to do; no matter how hard you try, it always cycles around to you feeling confused, full of self-doubt and wondering what just happened.
Every time you think you’ve worked it out and they are happy, they change the game on you, they change what they want from you again.
It can still take you some time to decide whether your partner, parent, friend, that person in your life that you can just not do right for doing wrong by, is a narcissist or not! Then when you do, those doubts may creep back in. After all, they could treat you better than anyone ever had, yet worse than anyone ever had.
What most people overlook when trying to work out if that negative person in their life is an abusive narcissist or not. It is how you were feeling and what was happening in your mind during the relationship.
Your own newly developed symptoms and behaviours while in the relationship is also a good indicator.
Therapists and coaches have recognised a lot of symptoms in survivors of narcissistic abuse.
Symptoms in you.
One. The feeling of helplessness, sadness and hopelessness.
Two. Hypervigilance and heightened feelings of fear and anxiety.
Three. Sharp mood swings.
Four. Heightened irritability and proneness to anger.
Six. A mindset characterised by shock, disbelief, and denial.
Seven. Confusion and difficulty with concentrating.
Eight. Living in a state of numb acceptance of one’s painful circumstances.
Nine. Having feelings of being disconnected from the outside world.
Ten. Withdrawing from one’s family and social circles.
Eleven. Struggling to function, potentially losing jobs, homes, and some lose their children to the narcissist.
Twelve. Addictions to drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping etc.
Thirteen. Not knowing your purpose for living.
Fourteen. Daily life and chores are pointless and a struggle.
Fifteen. Obsessive continuing thoughts.
Sixteen. Not being able to control your anger.
Seventeen. Blocking hideous memories out.
Eighteen. Suicidal thought, depression.
Not everyone feels all of these. Some survivors feel them all. These are what people feel when dealing with trauma. Narcissists often leave you overcoming complex post-traumatic stress disorder.
The narcissist leaves you in a state of uncertainty and fear during and after the relationship, fear of being abandoned, fear of reactions, fear of not being good enough. Even when they play nice, it’s all one big game to keep you in a trance and a state of confusion. Over time they’re a psychological manipulation of you, leaves you with many if not all of the above symptoms.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach; she always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.