Losing Your Fears After Narcissistic Abuse.

Can you lose your fears of the narcissist?

Losing your fear after coming out of a narcissistic relationship, where you lived day to day on edge and living in fear of what will happen next.

If you’re still in a relationship where you live in real fear of what will happen next, that is who they are. The fear you need to lose is the fear of leaving. Think about what you want from life. Think about your happiness. If your day brings drama and negativity from those around you, safely move away from those around you, it’s hard enough losing our own fears without having others place fear into us.

Once out, you may have carried that fear from your past with you. Living in fear hurts your state of mind as you are not living in the present day of the here and now. You are fearing events that have happened in the past or haven’t even happened. After a narcissistic relationship, this is normal yet not helpful in your present or future.

Bringing yourself back into reality, never fearing the unknown. It’s ok to be prepared for events, but don’t dream them up to actually happen. Instead, manifest thoughts of great things that are going to happen to make your reality a good one.

Whatever is not happening right now is in your mind. Your mind is your imagination, your past memories are memories of your past, yet as they are in your past, they are not happening in today, so they are an imagination of your past.

Then if we don’t leave the negatives of the past behind, they become the imagination of our future.

If the basis of your fears is becoming lost in your imagination, focusing on today and not on the bad things that did happen or that could happen.

Imagination is a powerful thing when used correctly, but you need to imagine great things.

Use any fear of the unknown to your advantage. Use that fear to motivate yourself. Fear is a product of your imagination, do not let it control you, and do not allow others to control you through fear. Instead, move away from those people, take steps to protect yourself and enjoy your new life.

Fearing things that don’t exist in the present doesn’t benefit you.

Fearing change, you need to embrace that fear. You need to decide to make a choice about how you want to live, who you want to be, and how you are going to do it.

We can stay stuck in a place we were never meant to be through fear, and staying stuck is a very uncomfortable place to be, facing fear to step out of your comfort zone, that’s not all that comfortable right now, to step into a new zone, where you can find your happiness.

On the other side of your fear can come the most amazing and incredible things you’ll ever experience.

A healthy fear of rational things is good to protect us, but use that fear to protect yourself the right way, never to keep you stuck in a place you shouldn’t be.

How to overcome anything in life, you have to take the first step, then the next and the next, until before you know it, you’ve overcome it. Don’t look at the whole staircases; just take it one step at a time.

If you are thinking, “I can not.” Stop and look for when you thought you couldn’t survive in the past, yet you’re still here to tell your story in the present. Then tell yourself. “I can.”

Living in a relationship with real fear is not healthy, so if you’re still in it, embrace the fear of the unknown, find a safe route out. It will take steps, it will take work, but you will bring better things into your life. Being free from the narcissist will one day be the most amazing and incredible feeling, even if you don’t see it to start, being able to be yourself again and fill your life with happiness again.

You have a body to use how you wish, and you have a mind to think how you wish, to do something. If life isn’t great right now, there will be a better way of living, yet fear holds you back. All you need to do is step into a new direction, baby steps one day, leaps the next, back to baby steps. Sometimes stepping sideways or taking one backwards, but get up and go again, keep taking those steps until you make it and once you do, keep taking those steps.

We all make mistakes. We all fall down. The beauty is to learn, to get back up and to go again and again until you make your dreams a reality. What if? Is no excuse. What if? It means you stopped yourself. What if? It is holding you back. Take precautions, get out safely, and keep yourself safe, but never let those what-if moments stop you. It takes time. It doesn’t matter if you stumble on your way out or you’ve tried to leave a few times but failed. Failure is better than nothing. Just go again until you understand it’s time to get out and start living for yourself.

Behind every fear is either a person you don’t want to be around. Or a person you now want to become.

That person who causes you fear, move away from safely.

That fear of leaving is preventing you from becoming who you indeed are.

When you fall down, you stand back up. When you release yourself from fear, you rise again.

Abuse is abuse, don’t make excuses, don’t rationalise, don’t accept being disrespected, no longer accept less than you deserve, and you do deserve better. No one is entitled to abuse you.

The first step is to take action, and you may need to plan a safe route out.

Once you are out, be cautious and be prepared. Other than that, don’t let your fears hold you back. You’ve made the biggest step. Now keep going, onwards and upwards.

When our minds wander to the past, we can stay stuck in the past, stop ourselves and imagine our future as you want it to be for you, then take those steps to achieve. If we put our minds to it, then our actions to it, we can all achieve the life and the happiness we want for ourselves.

There’s nothing wrong when you are out and trauma bonded feeling like you want them back, to face the fear to remember those hurtful times, to grieve and to cry, and to remember why you shouldn’t go back, once you’ve remembered why you need to stay away, remover the thought and focus on the present day.

The fear of telling those around you, if you want people to know, tell them, yet only tell them once, you’ll learn who’s willing to listen, help and be there for you and who’s simply not listening to you, some people just do not care, others are too busy living life, and some are grateful it wasn’t them. You don’t need to explain yourself to all who will listen. All you need to do is be you. If you want to tell your story to everyone, tell it, just don’t expect everyone to listen or indeed understand, it’s hard enough for those who’ve lived it to understand it. If you don’t want to talk, don’t. Just never let the pain of your past keep you trapped in the past, don’t let the fear of judgment or the fear of being misunderstood stop you. Know yourself that well that others can never use you against you. If you want to tell just a couple of people to tell them, not everyone needs to know your business unless you want them to. How you live is by what feels right for you.

Today and for the next five days, write out what you want out of life to be, like you’ve already got it. Feel and imagine like you are already there. After the first day you write it, take a look at how you wrote it, any negative changes, to things like, ”I am grateful.” ”I am happy.” ”I deserve.” ”I am elated.”

Don’t be afraid of asking for too much from your life. With a good heart, you deserve the best.

Create a vision board of the things you’d like from your life, put it as a screen saver, or inside your wardrobe, somewhere you will look every day, so when days get hard, it reminds you what you are working towards. Acknowledge any achievement you make along the way.

Use your imagination to work for you, you can, and you will.

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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.


Cognitive Dissonance.


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