Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
You may by now have realised you’re not alone in this, you were not the problem and you are definitely not crazy, you are not the narcissist. If not, keep looking it up to you soon will.
You might be gaining your confidence back, happiness back, your self-worth, self-esteem and self-love, if not keep going, you will.
One of the many questions I’m asked is how do you deal with a narcissist, the best answer is you can not and go no contact is the best way forward, for various reasons some cannot be completely removed from your life. In this case, it’s grey rock.
Some practical information on, how can I deal with a narcissist? Can I stand up to them? What can I do?
Those on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum are challenging. Some are extremely dangerous, so you would need to move miles away. You can not always outsmart them. They are extremely manipulative people who will go to extremes to be in control and have things their way.
Here are a few things you can do with that narcissist and the many games they like to play, that you cannot remove completely from your life, or if they keep trying to come back. Do try to distance yourself from them as much as you can.
One. Establish your boundaries and stick to them, if something doesn’t bring you inner peace, say NO and stick to your no.
Two. Pay them a compliment before you explain your point of view, anything that’s not seen from their own false reality they take as a criticism, sometimes if you can compliment them first, or make them think something was their idea originally, they may go for it, this is great in the workplace or co-parenting, it’s hard to let go of your pride at first, some narcissists will not fall for it, those who do it will make your life a little easier and you have to focus on the end results. Most people, even those who are not narcissistic, can be offended by the way something is said to them and not what has been said.
Three. Do not think for one second that they have changed or that they care, they change long enough and appear to care for a time until their needs have been met, then they go back to who they indeed are. It’s incredibly hard to come to terms with the fact that some people do not care, especially those who can put a great big caring act on, you must remember people who care wouldn’t continue to hurt you.
Four, do not give them any information about you, anything you do say will be taken as evidence and used against you. The narcissist will use information often in a nasty way against you.
Five. Don’t second guess yourself against the narcissist, and you do not need to justify yourself to them, they are playing a game and will use your justifications against you. Narcissist wants you to second guess yourself, they want you to doubt yourself, narcissists are experts at gaslighting, keep a diary of events, or child arrangements, keep everything via messages. You can then do your own reality check, as they are great at lying and spinning tails, they can be extremely convincing as they don’t feel remorse or guilt. It can make you want to react, don’t fall for it, the problem isn’t you, it’s them.
Six. Try not to take it personally, narcissistic people do not see you as an individual and believe you’re a pawn for their games, they believe the same about anyone and everyone,
Seven, this is a hard thing to do, but once you get it, life becomes easier, keep your own standards high, while you lower your expectations of them, understand they don’t have the capability to put others first only if it meets a need of their own, let their games pass you by, fight for what you need to leave them be on the rest. Narcissist are experts at manipulation, games and drama, observe what they do so you can see the pattern of what they’ll try next, do not absorb their toxins or get drawn into their games. Some narcissists can stir up drama then sit back and watch the show like it was nothing to do with them. A narcissist will deny and blame shift.
Eight. Don’t try to beat the narcissist. You are far better than they are, don’t brag remember they will use any information about you against you.
Nine, ignore the smear campaign, it’s tough but ride it out do not join in with the narcissist’s games, you’ll only be playing into the narcissist’s hands, good people will walk with you, those who gossip leave them be.
Ten, never react to the narcissist, they take your reaction as having power and control over you. The most effective way you can deal with a narcissist is not to join in with their games, do not respond when you don’t absolutely need to and never react, that’s exactly what they want from you. This is extremely challenging at first, and it is a learning curve as narcissist have learnt exactly what it is that will push your buttons.
Eleven, always remain calm around the narcissist, no emotions, no reactions, cool as a cucumber at all times, at the beginning once they are not around screaming and shout, let it all out, you will get to a point where you’ll know who they are what they do and it’ll no longer have the same effects on you. Working on yourself and your own happiness will help you with this.
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