You may by now have realised you’re not alone in this, you were not the problem, and you are definitely not crazy; you are not the narcissist. If not, keep looking it up to you soon will.
You might be gaining your confidence back, happiness back, your self-worth, self-esteem and self-love; if not, keep going, you will.
One of the many questions I’m asked is, how do I deal with a narcissist? The best answer is you can not, and go No Contact as no contact is the best way forward; for various reasons, some narcissists you cannot completely remove from your life. In this case, it’s limited contact and Grey Rock.
Some practical information on how can I deal with a narcissist? Can I stand up to them? What can I do?
Those on the narcissist personality disorder spectrum are challenging, to say the least. Some are extremely dangerous, so you would need to move miles away. You can not always Outsmart them. They are extremely manipulative people who will go to extremes to be in control and have things their way.
Here are a few things you can do with that narcissist and their many games they like to play that you cannot remove completely from your life or if they keep trying to come back. Do try to distance yourself from the narcissist as much as you can, especially when all they do is bring you down, bring you pain.
At some point, we have to find out motivations to stop going back to our limitations,
One. Establish your values and beliefs to create your Boundaries and stick to them; if something doesn’t bring you inner peace, say NO and stick to your no.
Two. If you can pay them a genuine compliment before you explain your point of view; anything that’s not seen from their own false reality that they take as a criticism, sometimes; if you can compliment them first or make them think something was their idea originally, they may go for it, this is great in the workplace or co-parenting, it’s hard to let go of your pride at first, some narcissists will not fall for it, those who do it will make your life and their life a little easier, you have to focus on the end results. Most people, even those who are not narcissistic, can be offended by the way something is said to them and not what has been said.
Three. Do not think for one second that they have Changed or that they care; they change long enough and appear to care for a time until their needs have been met, then they go back to who they indeed are. It’s incredibly hard to come to terms with the fact that some people do not care, especially those who can put a great big caring act on you; you must remember people who care wouldn’t continue to hurt you.
Four, do not give them any information about yourself; anything you do say will be taken as evidence and used against you. The narcissist will use information often in a nasty way against you.
Five. Don’t second guess yourself against the narcissist, and you do not need to justify yourself to them; they are playing a game and will use your justifications against you. A narcissist wants you to second guess yourself; they want you to doubt yourself; narcissists are experts at Gaslighting, keep a diary of events, or child arrangements, keep everything via messages. You can then do your own reality check, as they are great at lying and spinning tails; they can be extremely convincing as they don’t feel remorse or guilt. It can make you want to react, don’t fall for it, the problem isn’t you, it’s them.
Six. Try not to take it personally. Narcissistic people do not see you as an individual and believe you’re a pawn for their games. They believe the same about anyone and everyone,
Seven, this is a hard thing to do. Still, once you get it, life becomes easier; keep your own standards high while you lower your expectations of them, understand they can’t put others first only if it meets a need of their own, let their games pass you by, fight for what you need, leave them be on the rest. Narcissists are experts at manipulation, games and drama, observe what they do so you can see the pattern of what they’ll try next, do not absorb their toxins or get drawn into their games. Some narcissists can stir up drama then sit back and watch the show like it was nothing to do with them. A narcissist will deny and blame shift.
Eight. Don’t try to beat the narcissist. You are far better than they are, don’t brag, remember they will use any information about you against you.
Nine, ignore The Narcissists’ Smear Campaign Against You. It’s tough but ride it out. Please do not join in with the narcissist’s games; you’ll only be playing into the narcissist’s hands; good people will walk with you; those who gossip leave them be.
Ten, never react to the narcissist; they take your reaction as having power and control over you. The most effective way you can deal with a narcissist is not to join in with their games, do not respond when you don’t absolutely need to and never ever react; reactions are exactly what they want from you so they can get you to blame yourself for your reactions, to distract you from their actions. This is extremely challenging at first, and it is a learning curve as narcissist have learnt exactly what it is that will push your buttons.
Eleven, always remain calm around the narcissist, no emotions, no reactions, cool as a cucumber at all times; in the beginning, once they are not around, scream and shout, if you need to let it all out, you will get to a point where you’ll know who they are what they do. It’ll no longer have the same effects on you. Working on yourself and your own happiness will help you with this.
Disarming a narcissist.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Detach your thoughts.