Breaking up with a narcissistic person is not an easy thing to do. However, it’s worth it. If you left them or they have discarded you, there is often no closure; you have to give yourself that closure for you to move on. Freedom might seem like it is never going to come if you are at the start, and with all the games and smear campaigns the narcissist can play afterwards, you have to learn as hard as it is to switch up your mindset. Accept them for what they are, and use the pain to fight for you, to switch up your mindset, to see the games they play for what they are and move forward to a better life for you. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes.
It’s going to be devastating at times, it’s going to hurt; you may feel like you can no longer continue and want to give up. Do not let them win, get up and go again anyway, then keep going, take each day as it comes, some will be brighter than others, keep taking those steps forward, don’t beat yourself up for taking a step back, most of us do. Just like a toddler learning to walk, they stumble, it looks hard, and it is hard, they wobble, they go back to crawling, but they get up and go again until they achieve what they set out to do, just like learning to walk we all learn at different times. Some of us take longer than others. We can all get there as long as we lift each other up on the bad days, lift ourselves up, find the things within our lives to be grateful for and keep going.
Life knocks you down, and you may not want to get out of bed; some narcissists will have even taken your bed even though they have another to sleep in. Do not go back, they do not care for you, they do not care for the new, they only care for themselves, don’t worry if you have been back, most of us have, breaking that trauma bond isn’t easy, no contact or grey rock, helps you to achieve this.
Who you were before you got into the relationship, who you were during the relationship, that wasn’t working for you. That’s the old you, now is the time when you’re at rock bottom and feeling empty, to learn the lesson in life, to what made you who you were and who you became, leave the old you and your past behind, and recreate a whole new you on a whole new level, learn to listen to those instincts, use pattern interrupt to shift those thoughts of your ex out of your head. When anxiety hits, bring yourself back into the present moment, breathe, and relax, it gets easier as soon as you start working on it.
Start eating well, brushing your teeth, jumping in the shower, then start meditation, exercise, reading, writing, join some new groups, again not easy at first; just keep taking those steps to find the things you enjoy, until it becomes easier, until it becomes second nature; instincts help you rebuild your self-trust, doing things for you helps build who you are, your happiness, you’re self-love. Creating new Boundaries helps develop your self-worth and your self-values. It all starts with you giving yourself the willpower to work on your mindset and work on yourself. Yes, you can; you changed no end of times to suit the narcissist, now is the time to change to serve you.
You have to weather the storm and create yourself brighter days while creating those brighter days they will come. It’s hard while you’re going through it; I’ve been through it as have others just like you, so many things to make sense of and get over, baby steps it’s a case of one “who the fuck were they.” At a time, once you get through that, keep working on yourself, use the pain to rise again, better and happier than you were before; pain is temporary, push through the dark days and bring back your light. It’s hard while you’re going through the storm, but once through and into brighter days, you will be thankful for them; that may be hard to hear or believe right now; keep working on yourself and taking those steps, you will make it.
Writing down how you feel, Writing down reality, writing them a letter, then destroy it, do whatever it takes, when you found the coping mechanism to survive the relationship, you have the coping mechanism to survive recovery. Deep down, you want to move past this, and you can if you work on taking those steps, making those changes and getting to where you want to be. Life has a way of throwing things at you; when life completely knocks you off your feet, you’ve got to get back up and go again. You’ve got to do it for you; you’ve got to keep moving, you’ve got to create new dreams, even if you don’t know what they are right now, follow those instincts and start doing something if it feels right for you, keep going, you may not know what you’re going for, to begin with, keep going those instincts will become clear, you may need to change direction, then change direction and keep going for you.
Create a new dream, work hard as you can and go big, don’t listen to the haters; they have their own insecurities; show them what you’re made of; good people will help you, they will walk with you. When you change something, everything changes for you. Believe that you can, show yourself that you can, then show others they can.
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Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.
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To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
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All about the narcissist Online course.
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The narcissists counter-parenting.
Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.
Overcoming the trauma bond.
Detaching your thoughts.