A few things a narcissist might do when you end the relationship between, when you go no contact or grey rock, no longer playing the narcissist’s game when the narcissist can no longer get any reactions from you because you recognise their toxic behaviour for what it is. Many narcissists can then up to their games as they feel entitled to gain your attention or get that reaction.
It’s extremely beneficial for you to go no contact or grey rock. However, when you start, it can cause some dramatic times. Sometimes we fall off the wagon, contact them asking them to stop, or we react, don’t worry as it’s all-new that’s what most of us do, just go back to grey rock/ no contact and no reactions; it’s hard learning not to defend yourself, but as you observe the narcissists patterns it becomes easier. So here are a few things they may try.
1. You may get lots of annoying messages and phone calls; if you’ve blocked them, they might use other numbers, you might need to change your number, if you stick with no contact, they may switch tactics.
2. They may suddenly appear to be extremely sorry and come across as remorseful, suddenly understanding all the pain and hurt they caused you. Claim that they love and care about you, that they’d never hurt you again when that doesn’t work many will change their manipulation tactics.
3. They may go on one big rant, accusing you of everything they’ve just apologised for; all those “If you hadn’t.” “You shouldn’t.” if you stick to no reaction, they might switch tactics again.
4. They may smear your name to anyone who’ll listen; that’s if they haven’t already smeared your name, they’ll be telling others you did to them precisely what they did to you, then when you reach out, people don’t always believe you, why it’s always best to just stay out of the smear campaign and leave the gossips to it.
5. They may make sure you hear about the smear campaign in the hope you reach out and ask them to stop, or they may verbally attack you. Stick to no reactions
6. They often jump straight into a new relationship; they could choose a friend, relative or neighbour, often making sure you find out about it.
7. They may stalk you, either with fake social media accounts or suddenly drive past you, your work or your home.
8. They might send their flying monkeys to get in touch with you, or if you’ve blocked them on everything, they might suddenly message you through eBay or YouTube; some have been known to deposit small change in your bank with a short message.
9. The narcissist may come by early hours of the morning banging on the door, throwing stones at windows, reeving the car engine.
10. They then may just ignore you completely, hoping their silent treatment gets your reactions, again stick to no reactions.
12. The narcissist might suddenly develop an illness or claim one of their family members has.
11. If you have children, they may threaten and do court action to take the children from you.
12. If you try to get the children any outside help or support, they may try to stop you, threaten you for doing so.
13. They may want to keep swapping days and times of seeing the children, and they may let the children down without letting you know. So always have a backup plan.
14. They will smear you to the children; just put your time and efforts into the children and do not contact or react to the narcissist.
15. They may damage your car or belonging.
16. The narcissists might keep your belongings, those that are sentimental to you, so you reach out to get them back, the narcissists will keep playing games with you, sometimes it’s best to just let those belongings go, or see if you can contact authorities to get them.
17. They might try to date your new partner’s ex. If you move on and start dating someone new, even if it’s years later, they might try to date your new partner’s ex to get at you.
18. They may try to get you out of the home, even if it’s their children’s home.
19. They may take out loans and credit cards in your name.
20. They may threaten your family members or pets.
21. Narcissistic parents might cut you off from other family members and threaten to stop your inheritance.
They may do this after a day, a week, a month or over a year after no contact or grey rock.
What can you do?
Block them on everything as well as their friends and family, change phone numbers and email address if needed.
If necessary, get non-molestation orders, restraining orders, protection orders in place, and call the authorities whenever they break these.
Change bank accounts if needed.
Whatever you do, keep yourself safe.
The two sides to a narcissist after no contact.
The narcissists smear campaign.
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The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.), where you will be matched with a licensed councillor who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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