Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw- Life Coach.
Will the narcissist be happy with the new person?
When your ex moves straight on, possibly even seeing them before you broke up, you might still be in the mindset of “If only I’d have done this.” Or “Was it all me.”
No, it wasn’t you, if you were with a narcissist they turned all the blame onto you, with lots of different manipulation techniques, idolisation, lies, gaslighting, silent treatment, financial abuse, projection, social media, triangulation and blame-shifting.
Video on the narcissist’s mind games.
Just like no, it wasn’t you. No, they will not be any happier with the new person, you might be hoping that they will treat the new person kinder, that you taught them how to treat people right, and now they are doing all that with someone else and not you. You may feel jealous, and you might feel sorry for the new person, you may even want to warn them, Do not do this, you can try, but it’s not helping them. It’s helping the narcissist as they will have smeared your name and you’ll be playing into the narcissist’s hands, looking crazy, explaining everything the narcissist has already explained, you did to the narcissist, they might have told them, you stalk them and will stop at nothing to get them back. The new person will be happy and feel they’ve met the soul mate as you did in the starts.
Unfortunately, we have to leave the new person to work it out for themselves.
So no, it’s not going to be any better for the new person.
All your seeing or hearing is the love-bombing phase that they used on you. What your seeing is an illusion, the same illusion, you had in the beginning.
Narcissist abuse is a cycle that you need to break free from, each stage last different lengths of time, depending on the narcissist and the situation, also the other person,
Love bombing, idealising you.
Devaluation, realising your human and not like you. The gaslighting and silent treatment, financial abuse
Discard, where they might, smear you and triangulate you.
Hoover. It’s not working how they wanted with the new, so they come back to you.
And repeat, if that’s with you, or someone new, they just continue the same pattern, time and time again.
The narcissist is not happy with the new person, it’s only the excitement of having something new, we are appliance to them, where we buy a new phone and discard when it’s not working, then if we crack the screen on the new phone, we might see if we can use the old phone, until our new is fixed, or we buy another. This is precisely how narcissistic people treat people.
They will seem happy as the new person hasn’t worked it out yet, the narcissist is love bombing and enjoying all the attention from the new person.
The new person and the outside world is only seeing the admiration face, and they believe they’ve met their soul mate and will be showing the narcissist with attention, just like we once did, they don’t see that they are being abused. So they will appear happy.
To the outside world the narcissist, with the new person whilst their needs are being met they might seem happy, as soon as they are no longer getting their needs met and their egos get crushed, the mask slips, they need constant attention, when this stops, when they feel criticised, the angry, resentful, insecure narcissist strikes.
Narcissist cannot create inner happiness, they can not be alone for too long, they need to be, good looking, or rich, they need to be above others, own the best things, find someone that will idealise them, then crush that person when they feel criticised, narcissist cannot self validate, they can only validate others in the love bombing.
The narcissist doesn’t have empathy, and they don’t understand compassion for others, they don’t know how to be a decent person.
When a narcissist is alone, they can not cope as they feel like they are dying, they are miserable, horrible people, if they get compliments from others, it makes them feel better.
Narcissist believes they are perfect, even if they have it good, they will always be looking for better, the problem is none of us is perfect, so they’ll never be to achieve this.
If the narcissist has moved on, you can now build yourself back up, yes it can be very hard, baby steps to help you.
The English play writes John Heywood, wrote.
“Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every day.”
So celebrate and achievement you make, no matter how small, you’ll soon see you are making what you thought was impossible, possible.
If you are at the start and want revenge, this is it, you can be happy, you can be everything the narcissist wants to be, yet they never can.
Others have done this before you, you can and will be happy again.
Unlike the narcissist, karma hits the narcissist every time as they circle around and around, never achieve, they are so deeply unhappy and insecure, with extremely low self-esteem on the inside. You can not help them, as they don’t see themselves as the problem, to the narcissist it’s always someone else that’s caused it.
Walk free, enjoy life, love yourself again, the narcissist can not and will not change, even if one ever did, it’ll not be the person you fell in love with, you fell in love with a fake person who mirrored you in everything you do, you actually fell in love with you, you can do this again. Trust in yourself.
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Video on creating a happier you.