The best thing you can ever do when dealing with a narcissist is go no contact. However, this isn’t always possible. Therefore we choose limited contact and no reaction. Many narcissists get bored easily and move onto another source of supply. Before they do, most narcissists will up the games they play to get that reaction out of you, to gain that attention they desperately seek.
When going through limited contact and no reaction, your safety always comes first.
Here are a few things narcissists might do when you stop playing their games, things narcissists hate you doing before and after the relationship, often getting them to up their games to get that attention from you, that reaction from you, to hurt you because they feel control slipping away.
1. When you create boundaries and start to say no.
A narcissistic person believes they’re always right, that they are above all others, they think they’re entitled, they love taking down other people’s boundaries one by one. This doesn’t mean don’t say no to them. This means, say your no, mean your no, expect the unexpected as they up their games to break down your boundaries. Do not react to them. They do not want your reasons. They do not wish to hear your explanation. They do not want to compromise. They want control. They want to provoke your response so they can twist the story and blame everything on your reactions. Narcissists want your attention and to win at all costs to you. They will use all your weaknesses against you. So be prepared. Stick to your no, do not respond and do not react. You could also find different ways to say no, so it’s not a direct no or a no that makes the narcissist think it was their idea.
2. When you see through them and no longer play their games.
Once you have a greater awareness and understanding of who they indeed are, why they do what they do, and stop reacting towards them, they feel powerless and weak, resulting again in most narcissistic people upping their games. Their pride and their ego are damaged when you’re no longer listening to their lies. This is one of those moments when they’ll tell you. “You’re crazy.” As they try endless gaslighting tactics to get you to doubt your reality, and nothing’s working. By no longer playing their games, it harms their ego, their self-importance and control over others.
3. When you start doing things that make you happy and becoming yourself again.
Most Narcissistic parents hate it when they lose control over their children. As you grow and distance yourself, having a life of your own, they’ll often pity play or try making you feel guilty for being yourself. A narcissistic ex-partner doesn’t want to see others happy or doing better than them. They feel great envy and jealously. They may up their games by,
- Pity plays of “after all I’ve done for you.”
- Fake an illness.
- Invalidate you.
- Create an argument just as you’re about to do the things you love to do.
- Ignore you. Fall silent on you.
- Narcissistic parents, gloat about your sibling.
- Narcissistic exes might try to show off their new partner to you.
- Letting down the children, using the most precious things you care for against you.
- Mind games with the children.
- Try to ruin your career.
- Trying to hoover you so that they can destroy you all over again.
- Try to ruin your plans any way they can.
- Threaten you.
- Smear your name.
A narcissistic person simply believes they should be the centre of attention. They do not care for positive or negative. They prefer positive. However, when they feel attention slipping, they hold a grudge and go all out to bring you down. They just want you to think about them. Whoever the narcissist is in your life, this is why you shouldn’t let them know anything about you, blocking flying monkeys, if it regards children. Grey rock. Simple facts to the point on a need to know basis. They resent others being happy as they are so unhappy with themselves.
4. When you no longer feel fear or guilt towards them.
They want to be in control at all costs. They want you to feel ashamed, afraid to speak out, full of fear, afraid to speak up or go against them. They want you feeling guilty. So you give in and do exactly what they want. Narcissist parents, friends, work colleagues and partners can use these tactics to make you conform. They might threaten you with by saying they’ll tell others your secrets, your deepest insecurities, your fears, your mistakes. Some are dangerous, so stay safe. Others are not and are full of empty threats. Or narcissistic people can guilt trip you with pity plays, from faking illnesses to saying you’re hurting someone you love by not giving in to the narcissist’s demands. So long as your intentions are good. Listen to yourself and your instincts and not the self-doubt their toxic words are trying to feed you.
5. When you put the blame back onto who it belongs.
The narcissist is deluded. They even delude themselves, and they don’t feel the guilt or remorse, not on the same way we do, they might feel shame, or fear consequences, to remove that shame, they blame all others, projecting, blame-shifting and gaslighting all their insecurities, wrongdoings and problems onto others, they can not handle it when you do not take the blame. Be prepared for them to come at you with. ”You’re crazy.” Or ”you’re insecure, and you’re too sensitive.” Then the. “If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t.” Do not react. They’re not looking to sort it out. They’re looking to put all responsibility onto you, so they are not held accountable. When they are smearing you to others, and you rise above not reacting, they hate this as it’s destroying the illusion they are trying to pass onto others about you. Many will up their games to try and get you to react so they can say. “See, I told you they were.”
6. When you move on with your life, reconnect with old friends and family. Find your confidence, inner love, sense of self and happiness.
This is why it’s best they know as little about you as possible as if they believe you’re doing well without them, most will come for the hoover, as they think they can use you again to meet a need. Narcissistic people also isolate you by triangulation, manipulation and gaslighting. They want you alone, so you only have them for a reality check, then when they are bored, they can swoop back in whenever they want to rescue you, then destroy you again. This is why it’s best if you don’t want the hoover they know nothing about you. If it’s friends or family, the less they know, the better, the less they belittle you and try to plants seeds of doubt in your mind about others, so you’ll no longer need to go to them for a reality check. Always look inwards to yourself and your instincts. They want to be in control of all others. Using any manipulation method they can.
7. When you leave and never go back.
This is one where most narcissistic people will try to destroy you any way they possibly can, and they feel great criticism. They want and need power and control as they believe they are above all others. They want to be able to use others whenever it suits a need for them.
No one throws a bigger tantrum than a narcissist who is losing control of someone else’s mind.
To a narcissist, people are an appliance. Where we buy a mobile phone, then if we damage it by cracking the screen, we either get it fixed or buy a new one, if the new one breaks, we might see if we can make do with the old one, until the new one is fixed, or we can purchase another new one. If we lose our phones, most of us are annoyed with ourselves.
Narcissists want all others to be dependent on them, and they want people to believe they are nothing without them. It breaks their illusion of power and control when others just walk away. Again don’t let them know anything about you. If they think you have something to offer, something they can use, they will either try to win you back to use you or destroy you.
Some narcissistic people are lazy, will just leave you alone. Others give up their games quicker. Some my fear you were outing them and leave you alone. Some will up their games.
Continue working on yourself, making your life great, leaving the past behind, and having a much more positive, happy life.
Will Calling A Narcissist Out On Their Behaviours Change Their Behaviours.
The two sides to a narcissist after no contact.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.
The Narcissists Blame-shifting.
The Narcissist Bait and Switch.