Just like everybody needs a supply of air, narcissists need a supply of attention, no matter how much supply they have as they are envious of others they are always seeking more.
The supply a narcissist is looking for depends on that individual narcissist and their beliefs. For some it can be attention, for others money, it can be positive attention, or sympathetic attention from pulling people in when the narcissist is playing the victim, or adoration and praise when the narcissist is gloating or exaggerating even taking credit for others achievements, with money it can be food, shelter, cars, holidays. It can be anything that a narcissist needs at that present moment in time, as they believe they’re entitled to just take, with a lack of empathy to care for who they hurt.
Acts of service are a narcissists supply.
Supply of physical attention. Narcissists want others to give the narcissist enough attention when the narcissists wants it, while expecting others just to know when to leave them alone when they don’t.
Supply of attention, they expect others to know what time their favourite show is on, how much sugar they require in their drink, when their meal should be served, anything they don’t like chores, booking appointments they expect others to do it for them in advance, without bothering them about it, however as they are a self-entitled hypocrite, don’t expect them to do for you. At the same time, they expect you to bend over backwards and do it for them without complaining. However, if they want your undivided attention they’ll criticise you for making them a drink, booking that appointment for them when to them you should be spending time with them, they’ll not outright tell you, they have the face ache, the face on, sulk, silent treatment, or provoke you into reacting so the can blame your reactions, they’ll expect acts of service from you, in the idealisation they can plan a date you’ll love, or when they’re hoovering, future faking to get their needs met in the present, which is confusing when they plan a date but a date they want, then expect you to be eternally grateful. They bring it up at every opportunity. They’ll expect you to plan future dates, and they’ll happily complain at you. However you’ll not be allowed to complain to them, after the idealisation stage of the relationship, they’ll try to do the bare minimum.
Supply of monetary attention. They’ll expect you to offer to take on financial support, or they’ll guilt trip you, as they believe they’re entitled to your money, your home, they take it as criticism when you ask them to pay you back, or pay their share, they’ll expect you to provide for them providing them with everything they require, giving excessive gifts, yet they’ll do little in return, if you question this, they’ll claim you’re ungrateful after all they’ve done for you, that selective memory they’ll bring up those breadcrumb moments of things they did in the idealisation or when they wanted something from you, yet forget all you’ve done for them, if they do for you it’s yo make you feel obligated, and they require eternal gratitude.
Communication is critical in any relationship; however, a narcissist doesn’t like to communicate, at least not in the ways we do, they expect you to know. When you don’t know, and they feel threatened or abandoned, they like to manipulation to punish you while blaming you. To escape their feelings of entitlement that they could be ashamed about, they rationalise anything and blame anyone to escape any feelings of guilt or shame.
As a narcissist often feels like others have all the luck, as they are preoccupied with getting their needs met, they don’t believe that common rules apply to them, many are arrogant enough to be unpleasantly proud of their behaviour believing others should serve them, unable or unwilling to recognise their own trauma, pain, insecurities, they’re almost like a bucket with holes in, no matter how much you try to fill them up, it always drains out, as they want to run from those negative thoughts and qualities within themselves they’re always seeking outside sources of supply, there are many insecure people who seek to help others to feel better about themselves, narcissistic people seek to take, hurt and destroy others to feel better about themselves, they are envious of other people’s happiness. Hence, they seek to steal that happiness for themselves.
The more we give a narcissist, the more they feel entitled to take, never working harder to better themselves, always working harder to take from others.
A narcissist will love bomb, idealise, mirror, future fake, all to exploit those around them, they isolate, triangulate, devalue, discard, smear, play the victim by gaslighting, projecting and blame-shifting to exploit those around them, they provoke, they sulk, they fall silent, invalidate to punish those around them, Those intermittent reinforcements of reward punish is who they are. It’s all designed to confuse and exploit others so the narcissist can get their needs met. With a narcissist it’s never about give and take, it’s about giving just enough in order to take, and then avoiding giving at all costs. They will only ever give. If they know they can take, they will breadcrumb others, so the narcissist has to do the bare minimum to exploit others.
Whenever they are idealising, love bombing, mirroring, future faking, it’s to raise people’s hopes, raise peoples expectations, so when they invalidate, isolate, triangulate, people blame themselves and not the narcissist all done to lower people’s standards of behaviour they will and will not accept for those around them, making it easier for the narcissist to exploit others.
A narcissist will shower you with attention, affection and support because they want attention, affection and support, then they’ll withdraw attention, affection and support to punish you for not supplying them, however, no matter how much you supply them it’s never enough as they seek external validation to hide their internal dialogue that they’re not good enough, that they hurt others, they don’t want to feel shame for their own hurtful behaviour, why they pass the blame.
We can recognise people need support in life and support those around us. It’s harder to recognise people’s intentions behind their behaviour, other than looking at past patterns of behaviour.
A narcissist requires adoration, they almost want people to worship them, often why their love bombing is so intense, as they seek the praise and attention from you, not because they care for you.
As most narcissist always believe they’re right, even when you’re doing your best by the narcissist, if it’s not what the narcissist wants you’re wrong, they don’t see others perceptions only their own, or only if they can exploit another’s viewpoint to meet a need of their own.
People have things happen in life, to a narcissist they’ve always had far worse than you or far better than you.
Narcissists intentions are always for self-serving gratification.
Narcissists usually need a primary source of supply, often the person they’re love bombing at that time, they can have secondary sources of supply, friends work colleagues, or they can have acquaintances.
Narcissists believe they’re entitled to special attention, by playing the hero or playing the victim, due to their grandiosity their belief they are special, to distract themselves and others from their true intentions or actions. Seeking praise, they flatter people to gain a compliment as they seek special attention. A narcissist will do for others. However, they’ll expect eternal gratitude. If a narcissist isn’t happy ain’t nobody going to be happy.
No matter what you provide for a narcissist they’re always going to be seeking more, projecting onto others as they don’t feel enough, they’re always seeking more, not to learn grow and help people, to destroy people.
Remember givers have to set limits, people pleasers have to set boundaries, as narcissists will keep on taking to leave you with nothing.
You can, and you will recover from this.
With good intentions, there is no wrong way or no right way to live your life.
The Narcissists Fuel & Supply.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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