If you had a narcissistic partner, that partner might have had a narcissistic parent who would always back up their narcissistic child.
Not all narcissists have narcissistic parents. If yours did, no matter what they say or try to do, always remember that you know the truth.
Those narcissists who have a narcissistic parent will have been raised having their minds programmed to think in a narcissistic way. This isn’t always the case. Children can and do grow up to break free from the narcissistic family, not always but usually the scapegoat child or the forgotten child, that just had a sense that something wasn’t right, the golden child often carrying a lot of guilt.
As a narcissist is filled with negativity, rage and envy, very self-centred and self-entitled, deep down, they can be full of self-hatred and have to project this onto those around them, they are incapable of understanding what they do and any that do are incapable of seeing it as their problem, they just believe they are better than you. All narcissist’s identities are false, often using qualities of those around them to pass off as their own to impress others, ￼ and their mask will slip. Narcissists just have a lack empathy to care about the damage they cause to those around them. They are only ever in anything for themselves.
The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, so depending on whereabouts, your narcissist was on the spectrum, and their family members, will depend on the treatment you receive. They may be overt, covert, somatic, cerebral, vulnerable, grand or malignant.
At first, the narcissistic family members who are also narcissists can come across as very charming, yet at some point, they will change as they are all about control, and they also need to control the family image.
When your ex-narcissist comes from a family of narcissists, if you speak the truth, you would most often get put down, judged, ignored and criticised. You can also become the centre of a mass smear campaign.
Your narcissist’s ex, their family members will spread gossip far and wide about how you are the crazy one and do all they can to ruin your name.
Narcissists are con artists, and they will run in packs of families to protect themselves.
Once you have learned the truth of the other narcissists in your ex’s family and the things they do to others, they will go all out to destroy you, so not only will you be up against the narcissist, but the narcissistic family members also.
Narcissistic families can be like a cult. Some narcissistic families will do all they can to keep you locked in the family others can and will just get the entire family to cut you out and turn against you, smearing your name to family members who are not narcissistic.
The narcissist, in general, will spin reality around, to their own version, with lies, manipulation, gaslighting, cruelty, putting fear in you so you dare not speak up.
The family member will deny all truths, and even if they saw their brother, sister, son, or daughter mistreat you or your children, they will all blame shift it onto you. To protect the family of narcissists, they do not care for each other. They care for the family name, their status, their pride, especially if the narcissist you were with happened to be the golden child. There are also those narcissistic family members who have turned to the survival mode fawn. Through fear of what they have seen happen to those who go against the narcissists in the family, they will become enablers to try and protect themselves from the abusers.
Narcissistic in-laws will always blame you for their child’s behaviour, and it will never be their child, narcissistic in-laws and siblings unless they see something to gain by going against the narcissist. They will side with the narcissist.
Once you leave a narcissistic relationship, you’ll often end up alone, and as narcissism isn’t very well known, although awareness is growing. People often don’t believe what you tell them unless they know about NPD or they’ve been through it themselves. Therefore usually, the narcissistic family is believed, and you are painted as the crazy one.
What can you do?
- Set firm boundaries and no longer allow them to cross them.
- No contact with any family member.
- Block and delete them all.
- Take care of your emotional well being, let anger, frustration, resentment, and anxiety out safely.
- Call authorities if needed and get a picture of their toxic behaviour built up over time.
- Don’t overthink what they might do.
- When they come at you, don’t react or ask, “Why me?” Get some rest, clear your emotions, and then ask. “What can I do about this?” If you can take any safe action against their games, do so.
- Remember, you are not the problem, try to stay out of their way, give them a wide birth, and focus on your life.
There are plenty of people out there that do understand, join support groups, and don’t be afraid to ask anything, and they will be able to help you understand and recover onto a much happier, fulfilling life.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
The smear campaign.