Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
If you had a narcissistic partner, that partner might have had a narcissistic parent, who would always back up their narcissistic child.
Not all narcissists have narcissistic parents, if yours did, no matter what they say or try to do, always remember that you know the truth.
Those narcissists who have a narcissistic parent, will have been raised, having their minds programmed to think a narcissistic way, this isn’t always the case, children can and do grow up to break free from the narcissistic family, not always but usually the scapegoat child or the forgotten child, that just had a sense that something wasn’t right.
As a narcissist is filled with, rage and envy, very self-centred and self-entitled, yet deep down they are full of self-hatred and have to project this onto those around them, they are incapable to truly understand what they do, and any that do are incapable of seeing it as their problem, they just believe they are better than you. All narcissists identities are false, often using qualities of those around them, to pass off as their own and their mask will slip, narcissists just have no empathy to care about the damage they cause to those around them, they are only ever in anything for themselves.
The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, so depending on whereabouts, your narcissist was on the spectrum and their family members, will depend on the treatment you receive. They may be overt, covert, somatic, cerebral, vulnerable, grand or malignant.
At first, the narcissists family members who are also narcissist can come across very charming, yet at some point, they will change as they are all about control, and they also need to control the family image.
When your ex-narcissist, comes from a family of narcissists, if you speak the truth, you would most often get put down, judged, ignored and criticised, you can also become the centre of a mass smear campaign.
Your narcissist’s ex, family members, will spread gossip far and wide, about how you are the crazy one and do all they can to ruin your name.
Narcissists are con artists, and they will run in packs of families to protect themselves.
Once you have learned the truth of the other narcissists in your ex’s family, and the things they do to others. They will go all out to destroy you, so not only will you be up against the narcissist, but the narcissistic family members also.
Narcissistic families can be like a cult, and some narcissistic families will do all they can to keep you locked in the family others can and will just get the entire family to cut you out and turn against you, smearing your name to family members, who are not narcissistic.
The narcissist, in general, will spin reality around, to their own version, with lies, manipulation, gaslighting, cruelty, putting fear in you, so you dare not speak up.
The family member will deny all truths, and even if they saw their own, brother, sister, son or daughter mistreat you or your children, they will all blame shift it onto you, to protect the family of narcissists, they do not care for each other, they care for the family name, their status, their pride, especially if the narcissist you was with happened to be the golden child. There’s also no narcissistic family members, who have turned to fawn and through fear of what they have seen happen to those who go against the narcissists in the family they will become enablers to try and protect themselves from the abusers.
Narcissistic in-laws will always blame you for their child’s behaviour, and it will never be their child, narcissistic in-laws and siblings unless they see something to gain by going against the narcissist, they will side with the narcissist.
Once you leave a narcissistic relationship, you’ll often end up alone, and as narcissism isn’t very well know, although awareness is growing. People often don’t believe what you tell them unless they know about NPD, or they’ve been through it themselves, therefore usually the narcissistic family is believed, and you are painted as the crazy one.
What can you do?
- Set firm boundaries and no longer allow them to cross them.
- No contact with any family member.
- Block and delete them all.
- Take care of your emotional well being, let anger, frustration, resentment, anxiety out safely.
- Call authorities if needed and get a picture of their toxic behaviour built up over time.
- Don’t overthink what they might do.
- When they come at you, don’t react or ask “Why me?” Get some rest, clear your emotions, then ask. “What can I do about this?” If you can take any safe action against their games, do so.
- Remember you are not the problem, try to stay out of their way, give them a wide birth, focus on your life.
There are plenty of people out there that do understand, join support groups, and don’t be afraid to ask anything, and they will be able to help you understand and recover onto a much happier, fulfilling life.
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The smear campaign.
When we get trapped in toxic environments, it’s effortless to question ourselves and our actions, ”what did I do.” Then look for how we can improve, all while losing ourselves. –
When those excuses then get validated by the very person that has you making them with their gaslighting of ”If you hadn’t.” It becomes a terrifying and confusing place to live. –
Then when we begin to justify their toxic behaviour with ”If only I hadn’t.” It becomes a dangerous place to live in. –
You are never the reason of someone else’s mistreatment of you, we are only ever in control of ourselves, sometimes we might lose that control to manipulative people, now is the time to take back control of our own thinking and our own actions, no longer feel responsible for someone else’s negativity.