Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
How do you get on with your life, when no one around you seems to believe you, the narcissist is still playing never-ending games in trying to destroy you and they continually seem to break all the rules and it seems like they always get away with it.
When it seems the narcissist is set to destroy you, publicly and privately and they seem to be getting away with it. They can seem so nice, kind and generous to others, even come across as caring and empathetic, just like they fooled us until we learned all about them and their many manipulation techniques, they are excellent at playing the roles of the victim or the hero, yet they are never the villain, the two sides to them, the play nice face when they want all the positive attention and the play nasty face when they a jealous you can live without them, or throwing major toddler tantrum because they are not getting their own way and with some that envious face when they want to provoke negative reactions from you, is a cruel and calculated as they do their best to try and drain the life out of you, if the narcissist is a parent, partner, friend or boss, whoever they are in your life, they can raise you so high when they want something, to dropping you so low when they’re not getting what they want, never truly being there when you actually need them the most.
Narcissistic people believe they are entitled and no one should say no to their demands, they don’t Care for ruining their own family or ruining other people’s, as they don’t see themselves fault, they believe all others are at fault. So long as it meets a need of their own, even with their own children they’ll happily walk away without guilt, repeatedly letting them down, twisting the story in their own mind to their truths, blaming the other parent, they go all out in their ability to counter-parent with no thought of the damage it’s doing to the children’s minds, they will use anything and everything to get at you. If they believe you are blocking them from anything including their children, they don’t miss them, they just believe they are a great parent and you have no right, they will go all out to destroy you. As long as they reach their goal of destroying all others and possessing what they want, they don’t care for how they do it, or who gets hurt on the way. All they are interested in is themselves and getting their own needs met.
A narcissist is never accountable for their horrific actions towards bringing others down, from separation to divorces, child custody, the boss wanting that high ticket contract, parents wanting you to look after them and not have a life of your own. They can all play nice when it suits them, they might seem to play fair at the start, as they are smearing your name, behind your back and playing the victim to those around them and gaining those all-important flying monkeys when you know just how destructive they truly are.
Narcissists only have one rule and that is they are always right, they will try to outdo people at every turn, from sibling when it comes to wills, parents destroy their adult children, ex-spouses getting the best lawyers if they have the financial means to do so, they will start custody battles to try and win the children at all costs to the children’s mental health. The best way to deal with these people as you’ll not be able to stop their games if they want to win, they will try any and all means possible.
1. Self-care, working on your true self, who you are, your boundaries, your standards, your instincts. Your beliefs, learning who you are, asking yourself “who am I?” Spending more and more time focusing on you and your life, and less and less time on what they are up to, learning your own truths, not defending yourself to them or their flying monkeys, the moment you do this you’re playing their games and they are keeping you trapped in the cycle, the moment you stop playing, they might up the game, but without anyone to play with it because increasingly difficult for them to play.
2. Keep all emails and messages between you, most of us react at the start, be careful what you say to them, only resolve, as courts will take you Both as innocent then look at the evidence, so they will look at all the messages.
3. Get the rest and sleep you need, this can be difficult, try to nap in the day, think of positive outcomes if you’re mind is doing overtime as you try to fall to sleep.
4. Exercise, something you enjoy, dancing in front of the t.v. Walks and take photos to start creating new memories, running, weights, joining a team, gym, dance class to meet new people.
5. Try to eat as healthy as you can, this can be hard especially with anxiety triggers, keep a diary of the food you do eat for a week and see if you can alter, whether you’re one to overeat under stress and need to see what you can cut out, or under eat and see what you can add on.
6. Meditation or yoga to relax you.
7. Keep a diary, one of the games the narcissist plays, so you can go to it for a reality check, also for evidence if needed. One putting all your. Thoughts and feelings in good and bad, writing it out not only help at that moment but also when you feel you’re doing so well and have an off day you can read how far you’ve come.
8. Talk with people who’ve been through it, they understand and will validate your thoughts and feelings, those who have come through it, will also advise and give coping strategies you may not have thought about that could help.
9. Now your free you need to put the best interests of yourself first, to heal from the pain and any guilt, you now have the freedom to use your own mind how you want to, learn to use it to the best of your ability, it’s hard when your subconscious has been programmed a certain way, write out who put the negative thoughts about you and doubts in your mind, then write a positive way to take to yourself, train your subconscious to think differently with conscious daily efforts to swap your thoughts.
9. Work on your anxiety, learning your triggers then bringing yourself into the present moment when something triggers you. Tell yourself “I am safe now.”
10. Work in filling your human needs in positive ways, for example certainty, new routines, uncertainty, trying new positive things that you love doing, love and connection, talking to those who understand, contribution, contributing to others in whatever way you do positivity helps you feel good, significance, helping others even your own children helps you feel significant, remember you’re a good person and you are important. Growth, learning and trying new skill sets, anything you enjoy learning more about. Find the ways that suit who you are.
11. Remember your sense of humour, no matter what that humour is, try to find the funny side of as much as you can, laughter helps you to recover.
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