Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
How do you get on with your life, when no one believes you, the narcissist is still trying to destroy you and they continually seem to break all the rules and it seems like they always get away with it.
When it seems the narcissist is set to destroy you, publicly and privately and they are getting away with it. They can seem so nice, kind and generous to others, even empathetic, just like they fooled us when we first met them, they are excellent at playing the roles of the victim or the hero, yet they are never the villain, under the false mask is a cruel and calculated creature that will drain the life out of those around them, then up and leave onto their next target leaving you at rock bottom, narcissistic parents and siblings will use you when needed, then dump you when not.
Narcissistic people believe they are entitled and no one should say no to their demands, they don’t Care for ruining their own family it ruining other people’s. So long as it meets a need of their own, even with their own children they’ll happily walk away without guilt, repeatedly letting them down, blaming the other parent, they go all out in their ability to counter-parent with no thought of the damage it’s doing to the children’s minds, they will use anything and everything to get at you. If they believe you are blocking them from anything including their children, they don’t miss them, they just believe they are a great parent and you have no right, they will go all out to destroy you. As long as they reach their goal of destroying all others and possessing what they want, they don’t care for how they do it, or who gets hurt on the way.
A narcissist is never accountable for their horrific actions towards bringing others down, from separation, do divorces, child custody, they might seem to play fair at the start, as they smear your name, and play victim to those around them and gaining those all-important flying monkeys, when you know just how destructive they truly are.
Narcissists only have one rule and that’s what they are always right, they will try to outdo people at every turn, from sibling when it comes to wills, parents destroy their adult children, ex-spouses getting the best lawyers if they have the financial means to do so, they will start custody battles to try and win the children at all costs to the children’s mental health. The best way to deal with these people as you’ll not be able to stop their games if they want to win, they will try any and all means possible.
1. Keep all emails and messages between you, most of us react at the start, be careful what you say to them, only resolve, as courts will take you Both as innocent then look at the evidence, so they will look at all the messages.
2. Self-care, working on your true self, who you are, your boundaries, your standards, your instincts.
3. Get the rest and sleep you need, this can be difficult, try to nap in the day, think of positive outcomes if you’re mind is doing overtime as you try to fall to sleep.
4. Exercise, something you enjoy, dancing in front of the t.v. Walks and take photos to start creating new memories, running, weights, joining a team, gym, Dance class to meet new people.
5. Try to eat as healthy as you can, this can be hard especially with anxiety triggers, keep a diary of the food you do eat for a week and see if you can alter, whether you’re one to overeat under stress and need to see what you can cut out, or under eat and see what you can add on.
6. Meditation or yoga to relax you.
7. Keep a diary, one of the games the narcissist plays, so you can go to it for a reality check, also for evidence if needed. One putting all your. Thoughts and feelings in good and bad, writing it out not only help at that moment but also when you feel you’re doing so well and have an off day you can read how far you’ve come.
8. Talk with people who’ve been through it, they understand and will validate your thoughts and feelings, those who have come through it, will also advise and give coping strategies you may not have thought about that could help.
9. Now your free you need to put the best interests of yourself first, to heal from the pain and any guilt, you now have the freedom to use your own mind how you want to, learn to use it to the best of your ability, it’s hard when your subconscious has been programmed a certain way, write out who put the negative thoughts about you and doubts in your mind, then write a positive way to take to yourself, train your subconscious to think differently with conscious daily efforts to swap your thoughts.
9. Work on your anxiety, learning your triggers then bringing yourself into the present moment when something triggers you. Tell yourself “I am safe now.”
10. Work in filling your human needs in positive ways, for example certainty, new routines, uncertainty, trying new positive things that you love doing, love and connection, talking to those who understand, contribution, contributing to others in whatever way you do positivity helps you feel good, significance, helping others even your own children helps you feel significant, remember you’re a good person and you are important. Growth, learning and trying new skill sets, anything you enjoy learning more about. Find the ways that suit who you are.
11. Remember your sense of humour, no matter what that humour is, try to find the funny side of as much as you can, laughter helps you to recover.