Letting Go Of Anger And Resentment After A Narcissistic Relationship.

Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

Overcome your anger and resentment. 

You feel angry when someone provokes you in some way, often leading to resentment, you have no control over someone else provoking your anger. These feelings are normal.

You feel anger and resentment towards wounds that you haven’t healed from the way people have treated you in the past.

How do you handle that? Do you start an argument? Seek revenge? punch them on the nose? Do you react to it? 

When it’s in the moment and you react it gives you a moments release, yet you then feel bad for reacting and blame yourself.

So now you may have learnt to not react or to seek revenge when they pull a new stunt, that causes you to feel angry, you can not control what they do, you can control how long you hold onto that anger and how you let it affect you. 

You go through three emotionally feelings, first is the anger when they provoke you. Then comes the rage when you want to react, then comes the resentment as you feel bad for how you reacted or hold onto that anger. 

When you understand they have a disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, that disorder is who they are, you did not cause it, you can not change it, you can not help them, when you start to take a step back and Re-evaluate your perceptions on it, understanding that they don’t have the emotional intelligence to think or feel like others do, they live in constant fear, and fear holds them back, that others will view them for who they truly are, they act out to make you fear them, to keep control over you, they do not have the capacity to put themselves in other shoes, they are quite foolish as they can not find their inner happiness, and have to destroy others, when you realise this then you will start to pity them, you’ll want them nowhere near you. But you might get to a point you feel sorry for them, 

The A teams great MR T “I pity the fool.”

A Definition of “Pity” Merrian-Webster defines pity as “sympathetic sorrow for one suffering, distressed, or unhappy.” 

When you pity someone, you lose the anger, you no longer feel the need to react, and you no longer hold the resentment.

You can not control what someone says, but you can always take control of your reactions, it takes work at first but it becomes easier and you can hit that point if you have a wish and I drive to do so.

How to not react? remember it will never hurt the other person as much as it hurts you. 

When you feel that anger rising, remember to retreat and rethink, only respond once you’re calmer and if you need to do so.

How to lose the resentment? Keeping the thought in mind that, when you keep hold of that resentment, you’re allowing someone to live in your mind without paying any rent. Using pattern interrupt helps shift them straight back out of your headspace. 

There is nothing wrong with anger, it’s a human reaction when you’re provoked, served to actually protect you, when you react, however, you then feel guilt
For how you reacted, which last a lot longer than that temporary relief from reactions. Narcissists live with that inner shame on a daily basis, why they must project onto others, gain the reaction, blame them for reacting thus removing the shame from themselves, yet it’s only a temporary fix.
Don’t feel guilty when you feel angry, just process that anger the right way. 

They can not fix who they are, you can not fix who they are. You can, however, fix how you feel, for a far happier more full filling life for you. You are now learning to take back control of your own mindset.

It all takes time, it takes work and it takes effort if you keep going with a mindset of where you want to be you will get there, belief in you. 

Always be cautious about the narcissists. Do not ever stop living how you want because of them, but if you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail, so always keep your guard up around them and stay safe, most will not act out, but you do need to be vigilant around those with no empathy.

When it’s in the past, we often go into autopilot to escape the pain, never truly dealing with the emotions at the time.

Anger is a normal emotion and serves us to defend ourselves by.

  • A shield to deflect the pain and avoid the true cause of the emotions.
  • A sense of our own control of a situation when we feel powerless.
  • It was more comfortable to focus on the past and others wrongdoings towards us than heal ourselves from the pain we went through.

Resentment is also a normal emotion resentment is when the anger dies down, yet we still have negative feelings towards those who have hurt us, especially in unimaginable ways that we didn’t see at the time.

How to recover.

  • Write out the reason you feel resentment and anger, and then the underlying reason, such as hurt or fear.
  • Observe it when it comes into your mind, write what triggered the thought, what happened in the past.
  • Identify that as you didn’t know the situation in its entirety at the time you didn’t help yourself sooner, acknowledging the fact you helped yourself as soon as you realised and be proud that you did.
  • Share the feeling with supportive people who understand you and have been in similar situations.
  • Learn relaxation techniques, when you feel anger and resentment, taking deep breaths in and out, look for the things you can be grateful for in life now mediation and yoga also help.
  • Resist the urge to take it out on those who didn’t cause the pain, some people subconsciously do this, talk to them and explain instead good people will understand and help.
  • Remember it’s in your past, you can not change your past, you do not need to carry it in your future, realise it’s holding you back in the present moment, that those feelings no longer serve you, that you deserve more and better.

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