Signs The Narcissist Is Gaslighting You.

When those you love call you crazy!

Gaslighting is a hideous form of mental abuse, psychological manipulation to gain control and power over someone. Without the person being gaslighted, even knowing anything is happening, slowly losing their reality and are often left feeling like they’re going crazy.

Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, as it’s a form of abuse done slowly over a prolonged period of time. Narcissists and abusers use gaslighting to brainwash their target, without the target even knowing.

The term comes from the 1944 movie Gaslight. Where the husband gaslights his wife into thinking she’s losing her mind.

Here are a few ways the narcissist might have gaslighted you. Or signs that someone is gaslighting you.

1. They tell lies, blatant lies so convincingly. You might know it’s a lie, yet with the straight face and convincing tone, it leaves you questioning and doubting yourself.

  • 2. They use your weaknesses against you, so if you feel overweight, they’ll make subtle comments. The Covert Narcissist. “Should you be eating that.” Or ” I did you favour by eating your last chocolate.” Slowly over time, making digs at you, or more obvious ways. The overt narcissist. “You need to diet.” ” you look fat in that.” Or through triangulation. ” your friend said you’d gained weight.” or third party. “Have you seen, x they’ve gained so much weight they look terrible. They will use children, anything from your past, whatever they know will hurt your feelings they’ll attack through more manipulative words.
  • 3. They deny. If you have proof or not, ask them about something they said or did, they will outright lie and deny ever doing so. Saying. “You must be dreaming.” Or “I never said that.” Or “you must be thinking about someone else.” You know you heard it, yet they still deny it. The more they do this, the more self doubt you’re left with, the more you believe their reality over your own.
  • 4. Their actions never match their words, always broken promises, promises they then deny making in the first place. From simple things like borrowing money and saying they’ll pay you back, then changing the conversation or denying ever borrowing money in the first place, to say they’ll take you somewhere, then denying it, or finding excuses not to.
  • 5. Getting you to doubt yourself and others isolating you this is known as triangulation. By saying things like. “They don’t like you either.” Or “even they think you’re crazy.” Or “they talk about you behind your back.” and so many more. The other person often has no idea these things are being said. So when you no longer open up to them, the narcissist will then tell the other person, either exaggerated things you said in self-defence, or lies, to divide people and isolate you.
  • 6. Just when you think you’re working it all out, they’ll start treating you so well just to confuse you even more. They probably had something to gain and a need being met by being nice. It’s all, so you doubt yourself even more, Ruminating thinking, “They’re not that bad.” Also, blame yourself and working harder to keep that good side they have.

    7. They project any discussion they will twist and turn to escape accountability. If they destroy property or if they are physically Violent, if they take drugs, or they cheat. It’ll always be. “You made me do it.” “I’m sorry. If you hadn’t have done this, I wouldn’t have done that.” They’ll always find a way to blame shift any of their faults or insecurities onto others.

    8. They aim to keep you as confused as possible and away from others, so you go to the narcissist for a reality check.

    9. They smear your name, telling all others that you are the crazy one or the bitter one, even the jealous one. Often before you’ve figured it all out, due to the gaslighting, you do appear out of balance, making it more believable when the narcissist plays the victim or the hero and often leaving you without the support you need to recover.

    10. All others are liars. “Their ex tried to control them, not the other way round.” Or “I’m not friends with them anymore. They wouldn’t pay me back the money they owed me.” Or. “I never did that. They’re just jealous of me and trying to split us up.

    11. They want to keep you under a spell of confusion, always looking to them for answers. They want you in a constant trance, yet if you’re not serving them correctly, they’ll allow you up for a brief time, just to send you back under.

    Your human need for uncertainty is filled in an extremely negative way. As is significance, you are left feeling extremely insignificant at one point, and then when you believe you’ve got something right, they’ll make you feel significant again. You’re human need for contribution as you continuously try to give the narcissist what they want and make them happy. It heavily and negatively fills our need for connection as we can fill connection by having problems. With a narcissist theirs always a problem to be fixed and when fixed. They’ll be another.

    Once you meet three of your human needs, positivity, naturally or negatively. Through an action, emotion or feeling. You will become addicted.

    So not only are you gaslighted and manipulated, losing yourself and your reality, but you also become addicted to the abuse on a subconscious level.


    Keep a written diary of events if you’re still with them.

    If you’re out and trying to work it all out, write what you thought happened, right what they said. Them write the reality.

    If you are out of the relationship, no contact is best. If you have children together, this isn’t always possible. Grey rock, keep everything via messenger or email so that you can double-check events and what hasn’t/ has been said. Save all in case you need for evidence with third party’s. Only stick to facts. Do not go off-topic as much as the narcissist will try and get you to.

    Things narcissists say to gaslight your reality.

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    Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

    Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.


    What happens to you in a narcissistic relationship.

    One thought on “Signs The Narcissist Is Gaslighting You.

    1. Thank you for this post. it explains a lot. Harri Mutka in Tampere is an expert at this. Even at the age of 60 he still continues his pattern of using and trashing women and then moving on to the next replacement. In the process he destroys women and takes away their homes.

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