Is the narcissist happy with their new partner.

Overcoming narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.

This is a question most of us ask ourselves at some point as most narcissistic people go from one relationship to the next, often crossing over partners.

Whether you were the one to leave or they left you, when you discover they’ve moved on so fast, whilst you’re left heartbroken and trying to heal yourself and move forward, its had enough when a relationship with two loving people breaks time, yes some loving people also move on fast to heal the pain, often carrying the trauma from the previous relationship into the next.

Not only do you discover they’ve moved on fast, but they are also most likely rubbing it in your face, either by social media of their flying monkeys. This is why blocking and deleting them and their flying monkeys, then going no contact or grey rock if you have children with them is best to help you heal, and you will heal.

They move from partner to partner to fill their own insecurities, it could last a few months or a few years, they are simply using them until they can not use them any more and find a replacement. It did not start with you and it will not end with you. They do not love their use. To meet their own needs.

Remember how it was for you in the beginning, that’s all they are showing with the new partner, the golden period, the love bombing phase the hooking the new in. Some of you might want to warn the new, this will not end well when you met the narcissist and they were treating you so well. Smearing the ex to you. What would you think if that ex had come trying to rescue you?

Why will they never change? The way they fill up their six human needs is exactly why they’ll never change.

These are.

  • Certainty. The need to feel safe, comfortable, stable, protected, and the need to have predictability in our lives.
  • Significance. The need to feel important, achievement, special, respect, wanted, needed, and unique in our lives.
  • Uncertainty/ variety The need to feel different, risk, change, challenged, excitement, surprise, and entertained in our lives.
  • Love and connection, The need to feel togetherness, unity, desire, passion, warmth, and love in our lives. 
  • Growth, The need to feel like we are developing, expanding, strengthening, expanding, and cultivating ourselves.     
  • Contribution, The need to feel like we are helping others, giving, donating, leaving our mark, serving, offering, and contributing to others.

Every, feeling, action or emotion we experience in life is driven subconsciously or consciously by our human needs, these can be met positivity, naturally or negatively. Anything you do that meets three of these needs negative or positive and you will become addicted.

The narcissist is addicted to their way of life through negativity, as they don’t see themselves as the problem, they don’t feel a need to change, they believe all others are at fault. So how do these needs mean they will be unfulfilled with the new partner.

It’s harder for them to meet needs in positive ways as it’s not natural to them, they’ve been programmed to find the quick easy fix, it’s instinctive to them to meet their needs in a negative way, not realising it works against them, as they don’t trust themselves they don’t trust others. so they move on with whoever they can, whoever’s available, often manipulating them fast and moving in fast.

The narcissist meets their need for certainty in negative ways, by doing as little as possible and avoiding challenges that will not fulfil their other needs, stealing from others, controlling others. Addictions to drugs, substance abuse.

The narcissist meets their need for significance in negative ways by, tearing others down, by being in control and destroying others, intimidating and bullying others, often why most narcissist even if they have moved on they will still try to destroy you, not all some meet it by being the worst at everything and are too lazy to do so.

The narcissist meets their need for variety and uncertainty. By having affairs, substance abuse and causing drama with others.

The narcissist meets their need for love and connection. By dominating and controlling all others, making others fear them, through the stair or threats they feel connected to them, giving others the silent treatment and watching their phone ring as the frantically trying to get in touch they feel you are connected to them, they also feel significant. Playing the hero, or playing the victim to others so they get the sympathy or the praise makes them feel connected to others.

The narcissist meets their needs for growth, by doing cruel or calculating, callous, malicious things to those around them, by moving on to the new and starting again, only for their highly addictive and negative behaviour to come back, for them to realise the new partner is human like the rest of us, makes mistakes like the rest of us. By destroying others.

The narcissist meets their need for contribution by, destroying others, they can get work colleagues fired simply because they don’t like them, they destroy partners and ex-partners as they no longer serve them, the narcissist is only ever in contributing to fulfilling their own needs.

Therefore as a narcissist is programmed to think only of themselves and put their own needs first, they got into the relationship not for love or happiness, to fulfil a need they can only fill negatively, they can only substation the positive side for a short time, as they believe the world revolves around them, they become extremely envious and jealous of others, including their partners and have to slowly destroy them to feel better within themselves.

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