This is a question most of us ask ourselves at some point, as most narcissistic people go from one relationship to the next, often crossing over partners.
Nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs somewhere to live or someone to prove to the outside world; there is nothing wrong with them.
Whether you were the one to leave or they left you, when you discover they’ve moved on so fast, while you’re left heartbroken and trying to heal yourself and move forward, it’s hard enough when a relationship with two loving people breaks down, yes some loving people also move on fast to heal the pain, often carrying the trauma from the previous relationship into the next.
Not only do you discover that often the narcissist has moved on fast, but they are also most likely rubbing it in your face, either by social media or their flying monkeys. This is why blocking and deleting them and their flying monkeys, then going no contact or grey rock if you have children with them is best to help you heal, and you will heal
They move from partner to partner to fill their own insecurities, and it could last a few months or a few years. They are merely using them until they can not use them anymore and then find another replacement. It did not start with you, and it will not end with you. They do not love what they use. To meet their own needs.
Remember how it was for you in the beginning. That’s all they are showing with the new partner, the idealisation stage, the love-bombing phase, the future faking, the mirroring, the hooking the new in. Some of you might want to warn the new this will not end well, as when you met the narcissist, and they were treating you so well—smearing the ex to you. What would you think if that ex had come trying to rescue you?
Why will they never change? The way they fill up their six human needs is precisely why they’ll never change.
The six human needs are.
- Certainty. They need to feel safe, comfortable, stable, protected, and the need to have predictability in their lives.
- Significance. The need to feel achievement, special, respect, wanted, needed, and unique in our lives.
- Uncertainty/ variety The need to feel different, risk, change, challenged, excitement, surprise, and entertained in our lives.
- Love and connection, The need to feel togetherness, unity, desire, passion, warmth, and love in our lives.
- Growth, The need to feel like we are developing, expanding, strengthening, expanding, and cultivating ourselves.
- Contribution, The need to feel like we are helping others, giving, donating, leaving our mark, serving, offering, and contributing to others.
Every feeling, action or emotion we experience in life is driven mostly subconsciously, sometimes consciously, by our human needs, and these can be met positively, naturally or negatively. Anything you do that meets three of these needs, negative or positive, and you will become addicted.
The narcissist is addicted to their way of life through negative emotions and negative ways, as they don’t see themselves as the problem, they don’t feel a need to change, they believe all others are at fault. So how do these needs mean they will be unfulfilled with the new partner.
It’s harder for them to meet needs in positive ways as it’s not natural to them, they’ve been programmed to find the quick, easy fix, it’s automatic to them to meet their needs in a negative way, not realising it works against them, as they don’t trust themselves they often don’t trust others. So they move on with whoever they can, whoever’s available, often manipulating them fast and moving in fast.
The narcissist meets their need for certainty in negative ways by doing as little as possible and avoiding challenges that will not fulfil their other needs, stealing from others, controlling others—addictions to drugs, substance abuse.
The narcissist meets their need for significance in negative ways by tearing others down, by being in control and destroying others, intimidating and bullying others, often why most narcissists, even if they have moved on they, will still try to destroy you, not all some meet it by being the worst at everything and are too lazy to do so.
The narcissist meets their need for variety and uncertainty by having affairs, substance abuse and causing drama with others.
The narcissist meets their need for love and connection. By dominating and controlling all others, making others fear them, through the stare or threats they feel connected to them, giving others the silent treatment and watching their phone ring as the person they are ignoring is frantically trying to get in touch, they think you are connected to them, they also feel significant. Playing the hero, or playing the victim to others, so they get the sympathy, or the praise makes them feel connected to others.
The narcissist meets their needs for growth by doing cruel or calculating, callous, malicious things to those around them, by moving on to the new and starting again, only for their highly addictive and negative behaviour to come back, for them to realise the new partner is human like the rest of us, makes mistakes like the rest of us.
The narcissist meets their need for contribution by destroying others. They can get work colleagues fired simply because they don’t like them. They destroy partners and ex-partners as they no longer serve them. The narcissist is only ever contributing to fulfilling their own needs.
Therefore as a narcissist is programmed to think only of themselves and put their own needs first, they got into the relationship not for love or happiness, to fulfil a need they can only fill negatively, they can only substation the positive side for a short time, as they believe the world revolves around them, they become extremely envious and jealous of others, including their partners and have to destroy them to feel better within themselves.
Narcissistic supply
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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