Letting go can be extremely hard, it is possible though, you’ve just got to find the best method for you, to achieve it for yourself,
Blaming those who have hurt us for everything that is wrong within our own lives can hold us back, “If it wasn’t for them doing that to me.” is only keeping us trapped in your own negative mindset and our past. We need to challenge our mindset to change it. Blaming others is only self-sabotaging our own peace of mind and our own inner happiness.
You are not responsible for another person’s mistreatment of you. You are responsible for your recovery.
The past is in the past. If we want to become free, we need to stop locking ourselves into our past. Once we heal from our past, whatever a narcissist is trying to do to us in our present, will no longer affect our state of mind. Once we gain the understanding of how and why they act the way they do, learn to observe and not absorb, stick to our values and beliefs, keep our standards, lower our expectations of those who are incapable of loving and caring for others in the ways that we do, learn practice and do grey rock or no contact, our life becomes so much easier.
Sometimes you have to burn the bridges to your past to stop you going back while lighting up the path to your future.
If you don’t want them to win, let it go, move on and create a happier, more positive, more successful you. Nothing hurts an exploitative, envious, self-entitled hypocrite more.
When you really want to move on, you have to find a way to stop letting your past hold you back.
Narcissists are thieves, so now, in the present moment and every present moment after this, you need to stop allowing them to steal your joy.
Stop letting them live rent-free in your mind. Yes, this takes practice; if you want to achieve this, use pattern interrupt, every time they pop into your mind, you have to consciously remove that thought and replace it with a thought, a belief that works for you.
No longer allow them to steal your joy and live in your mind. When they pull something in the present moment, don’t give them what they want. Instead, stay calm and do not react. It’s hard at first. The more you practice, the easier it becomes, don’t let a narcissist spoil the rest of your day. Let it go.
Sometimes, people hold on to the past and the pain and the blame, as it becomes their identity, sometimes we have to learn to change our identity to work for us. We can believe holding on is easier than moving on. When ready, we have to face up to that pain of letting go. So we can move onto a much happier future,
The more we allow narcissists to gaslight our mind, the more of our life they take from you. They are a virus that swoops in, treat you better than anyone ever has, them slowly destroy you. It takes time and work from you to recover from that trauma bond, just like when you get ill, you have to take the steps to get better when you break a bone, it has to heal, depending on the severity of the narcissist and how long you were with them, how much it affected your health, and how much they are trying to affect you now, differs to how long it takes individuals to recover, we are all more than capable of recovery if you put your mind to it, others have done it before you, with more awareness it’ll become easier and hopefully stop people getting involved with these, energy-draining vampires in the first place.
When you found the coping mechanisms to survive the relationship, you’ll find them to survive the recovery.
The best and only revenge is letting go and moving on. Showing you’re strong enough to let go, your ego is happy to let go, you’re now not even interested in them to even bother seeking revenge, or give reactions as you are now free to be happy, you’re now free to live your own successful life, something they’ll never be able to do, as they don’t see themselves as the problem, they can only hit that pattern of repeat, you can hit pattern interrupt and start a new direction, an incredible journey, wiser and stronger than you were before.
You can live in calm, peace and joy. Let them take their toxic, infectious negativity elsewhere.
People always hit some form of a roadblock in life’s journey, life doesn’t always go as planned, but you can leave your mistakes in the past and take the lessons into your present.
Give yourself a positive mindset and focus on the good, write down the good things you have, and focus on adding to that list.
People don’t just get lucky in life. They work hard to make their own dreams a reality. When they hit an obstacle, when it gets tough, they find a way to find the positive and move past it.
Lose negative instantly, and focus on what you can do to be positive. Focus on the good and lose those negatives. You will also have to lose that victim mindset, the mindset negative toxic people live by. People can not help them. They seek to destroy others to feel better within themselves. You can give something back to those who are reasonable people and help others. You can be bigger and better than they can ever be.
Your past is over. Close that book. Don’t cheat yourself out of a positive future by living in your past. Your past no longer exists. It’s only a memory. The here and now, the present moment, is what exists.
When you keep hold of resentment, you will only suffer further. That narcissist is then still getting at you. You need to become happy within yourself. Then things will become better for you. You’ll be able to laugh off toxic peoples negative behaviour. It’ll no longer consume you, with your inner happiness, wisdom on toxic people, new-found boundaries and saying no to things that don’t serve you, something you don’t find acceptable. You’ll have a self-made shield around you to deflect toxic people away from you.
Life isn’t always perfect, life is hard, but if you can get into that positive place, it’ll become easier to deal with a hard time, go through them, release them and go again.
See the good in everything, but understand that some people can not be helped and leave them be.
Forgive those who have hurt you. It’s in the past. You have to accept that it happened to you and let it go. You don’t have to accept that it was ok, abuse is never ok, and there is no excuse by forgiving yourself, as you didn’t have the understanding of what all the manipulation, gaslighting, word salad, blame-shifting was doing to you.
Forgiveness is for you to release yourself from them, to release yourself from your past, to release that hope that it couldn’t have been any different, and it was what it was. That it’s your past and not your present-day, holding on to resentment will only hold you to your past.
When you learn to no longer hold grudges, you become a happier person, and you allow yourself to move forward in your own life with self-respect and dignity.
To gain happiness and success in your future, you need to take the steps in your present, to put your past where it belongs, and leave it behind you. The time is now at this moment to allow yourself the freedom, to allow yourself happiness, to forgive, and find yourself again.
You do not have to condone toxic people’s behaviour, but while you are letting your past keep you, hostage, you are the one that’s suffering, and they still have power and control over you. Now is the time to release them from your mind. And keep going until you do.
Day by day, it gets easier. You become stronger, live happier, and create a happier life. Moving on for you is the best thing you’ll ever do.
Pattern interrupt.
Ruminating.
Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
For the free course.
Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.
All about the narcissist Online course.
Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Advertisement.
Thank you for this text. It was a reminder for me. I left my narc for 4 years ago and have to contact him now and then cause our youngest daughter. And he give my mind hard times sometimes and I become low. That affect my daughter and my new relationship.
This text was a reminder for me to lift my eyes and stay in the happiness of life, thankfulness and love that I’ve started to build my new life on.
With love
Lyckliga Lisa
alias Lotta