Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Letting go can be extremely hard, it is possible though, you’ve just got to find the best method for you, to achieve it for yourself,
Blaming those who have hurt us, for everything that is wrong within our own lives. Only hold you back, “ if it wasn’t for them doing that to me.” is only keeping you trapped in your own negative mindset and your past. You need to change it to. Blaming others is only self-sabotaging your own peace of mind and your own inner happiness.
The past is in the past, if you want to become free you need to stop locking yourself into your past, once you heal from your past, whatever that narcissist is trying to do to you now you’ll no longer be affected, once you understand how and why they act the way they do, learn to observe and not absorb, there is a post on heat to help you with that, keep your standards high for yourself, lower your expectations of those who are incapable of loving and caring for others, learn practice and do grey rock or no contact, your life will become so much easier.
If you want to see the light, leave the past behind, it’s in the past.
If you don’t want them to win, let it go, move on and create a happier, more positive, more successful you.
If you really want to move on stop letting your past hold you back.
They are thieves, so now in the present moment, and every present moment after this, you need to stop allowing others to steal your joy.
Stop letting them live rent-free in your mind, yes this takes practice if you want to achieve this, use pattern interrupt, every time they pop into your mind, you have to consciously remove that thought, and replace it with a positive one. There is a post on this page with more information about pattern interrupt.
No longer allow them to steal your joy and live in your mind, when they pull something in the present moment, don’t give them what they want, instead stay calm and do not react, it’s hard at first, the more you practice, the easier it becomes, don’t let it spoil the rest of your day, let it goes.
Sometimes, people hold on to the past and the pain and the blame, as they believe it’s easier than moving on, you’ve got to face up to that pain of letting go. So you can move onto a much happier future,
The more you allow them to infect your mind, they more of your life they take from you, they are a virus, that swoop in, treat you better than anyone ever has, them slowly destroy you, it takes time and work from you to recover from that trauma bond, just like when you get ill, you have to take the steps to get better, when you break a bone, it has to heal, depending on the severity of the narcissist and how long you were with them, how much it affected your health, and how much they are trying to affect you now, differs to how long it takes individuals to recover, we are all more than capable of recovery if you put your mind to it, others have done it before you, with more awareness it’ll become easier and hopefully stop people getting involved with these, energy draining vampires in the first place.
The best and only revenge is letting go and moving on. Showing you’re strong enough to let go, your ego is happy to let go, you’re now not even interested in them to even bother seeking revenge, or give reactions as you are now free to be happy, your now free to live your own successful life, something they’ll never be able to do, as they don’t see themselves as the problem, they can only hit pattern repeat, you can hit pattern interrupt and start a new direction, a great journey, wiser and stronger than you were before.
You can leave in calm, peace and joy, let them take their toxic, infectious negativity elsewhere.
People always hit some form of a roadblock in life’s journey, life doesn’t always go as planned, but you can leave your mistakes in the past, and take the lessons into your present.
Give yourself a positive mindset and focus on the good, write down the good things you have, and focus on adding to that list.
People don’t just get lucky in life, they work hard to make their own dreams a reality when they hit an obstacle when it gets tough they find a way to find the positive and move past it.
Lose negative instantly, and focus on what you can do to be positive. Focus on the good and lose those negatives. You will also have to lose that victim mindset, the mindset negative toxic people live by, people can not help them they seek to destroy others to feel better within themselves, you can give something back to those who are good people and help others, you can be bigger and better, than they can ever be.
Your past is over, close that book, don’t cheat yourself out of a positive future by living in your past, your past no longer exists, the here and now the present moment is what exists.
When you keep hold of resentment, you will only suffer further, you need to become happy within yourself, then things will become perfect, you’ll be able to laugh of toxic peoples negative behaviour, it’ll no longer consume you, with your inner happiness, wisdom on toxic people, new found boundaries and say no, to things you don’t find acceptable, you’ll have a self-made shield around you, to deflect toxic people away from you.
Life isn’t always perfect, life is hard, but if you can get into that positive place, it’ll become easier to deal with a hard time, go through them, release them and go again.
See the good in everything, but understand that some people can not be helped and leave them be.
Forgive those who, have hurt you, it’s in the past, you have to accept they it happened to you and let it go, you don’t have to accept that it was ok, abuse is never ok and there is no excuse, but forgiving yourself, as you didn’t have the understanding of what all the manipulation, gaslighting, word salad, blame shifting was doing to you.
Forgiveness is for you, to release yourself from them, to release yourself from your past, to release that hope that it couldn’t have been any different and it was what it was. That it’s your past and not your present day, holding on to resentment, will only hold you to your past.
When you learn to no longer hold grudges, you become the better person, and you allow yourself to move forward in your own life, with self-respect and dignity.
To gain happiness and success in your future, you need to take the steps in your present, to put your past where it belongs, and leave it behind you. The time is now at this moment, to allow yourself the freedom, to allow yourself happiness, to forgive, and find yourself again.
You do not have to condone toxic people’s behaviour, but while you are letting your past keep you, hostage, you are the one that’s suffering, and they still have power and control over you. Nows the time to release them from your mind. And keep going until you do.
Day by day, it gets easier, you become stronger, you live happier, you create a happier life, moving on for you, is the best thing you’ll ever do.