overcoming narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Phrases narcissists use to blame shift.
A narcissist is never accountable, to the narcissist it’s always someone else’s fault.
So here are a few phrases you may have heard.
Please add in comments any others, so others know what they are looking for, thank you.
A Narcissist believes they can do as they like, and it’s up to you to clean up, after them.
“It’s your fault.” Whatever they’ve been caught out on, whatever proof you have they will always, twist is straight back onto you.
“What do you want me to do about it.” They’re blaming no one, but they’re not responsible so, you are the one who needs to sort it out.
“Deal with it.” They believe they are entitled to do as they please, it’s up to you to get on with it.
“You’re just too sensitive.” No, you are not. you will usually have got a very good reason to be upset, the narcissist doesn’t care will not accept blame, leaving you to question if your overreacting, so you to feel insecure, so you don’t question them again.
“No, I didn’t.” They did but they’ll never admit to something they did.
“If you hadn’t.” Finding fault with you, so again the original question isn’t answered and you’re left wondering about your own actions.
“If you looked after me more, I wouldn’t go elsewhere.” Even though they’ve cheated on you, if you ask again about the affair they’ll just respond with something like. “I’ve already told you why.” Again getting you to question yourself and try harder to please.
“It’s only messages at least I’m not cheating.” They probably are cheating, but they’ll not admit that. They are definitely looking for a new source of supply.
“You’re overreacting.” Actually no you’re not, and no you haven’t. They again just want to shift attention off themselves.
“I love you.” They don’t even know how to love themselves, let alone others, they just want to use you for whatever you’ve got that they want or need.
“That didn’t happen.” Yes, it did they just enjoy rewriting history and watching you doubt yourself more.
“That wasn’t my fault.” It was totally their fault, but remember, they can not be accountable.
“I’m going here with xy and z tonight, I told you last week.” Nope, they didn’t tell you, again they just want to confuse you. Sometimes they may be going where they say, there will be those times they might want you to pick them up. Most of the time it’s just more lies.
“If you hadn’t then I wouldn’t.” They probably got you so down, so you reacted, then they blamed you. Again all to mess with your mind.
“If you loved me you would.” Guilt trip to break down your boundaries.
“They’re only a friend, you read to much into everything.” No, actually you don’t, your instinct is telling you something if they have narcissist traits, or abuse you, run for the hills and never look back.
“Why do you have to spoil everything.”You didn’t actually cause a problem, they probably did something to get a reaction from you.
“You make everything so difficult” that’s usually when you’ve worked out what they are and you’re no longer reacting, your only responding and now they are struggling to get any emotions from you.
“That’s just like you.” When you’ve found your boundaries and you’re sticking to them.
“You need a mental evaluation.” No, you just need to get away from the narcissist, heal and recover.
“You’re selfish.” Again no you’re not stick to your own boundaries.
“You’re to hung up on your past relationships.” Well if you’ve dated a few narcissists that could be true, either way, your instinct is telling you to run.
“I’d never hurt you.” Nope, they’ll just steal your mind, heart and health, possibly your home and children, then walk into the sunset with someone new, but to the narcissist, it’ll be all your fault.
“You’re insecure.” No you’re instincts are screaming at you, but thanks to the narcissists manipulation you’re not sure what they are saying.
A Narcissist hooks you in with the idolisation/ love bombing phase then slowly devalues you without you even knowing. Through their many methods of manipulation.
What’s the kryptonite, no reaction, if you can go no contact do it. That’s the best revenge and karma on a narcissist, if not grey rock, I do have posts on grey rock, observe don’t absorb, also how to respond, not react.
A narcissist has the mentality of a young child, who been caught, with a bar of chocolate in hand, knowing they shouldn’t have it. Still chewing on some, with it all down their top, hands and face covered. When you ask the child, have you eaten chocolate before you tea? They may smile and say “No.” A narcissist is just that a child that never learnt why it’s wrong to blatantly lie. Most children lie out of fear, just human reactions, yet as they grow they learn from mistakes, they learn and understand respect for each other and boundaries, and learn to say sorry, then change their behaviour so they don’t have a need to apologise for the same mistakes. somewhere in a narcissists world they missed this step out and end up in an adults body, throwing temper tantrums.