Some of the most common gaslighting phrases narcissists use to distract you from their true intentions or to shift the blame over to you, to create self-doubt within your mind, so you question your thoughts or feelings and not the narcissist’s behaviour.
A narcissist is arrogant enough to believe they are never responsible for their own toxic behaviour. The narcissist who believes they are above others, whatever they do wrong is always someone else’s fault.
A Narcissist believes they are entitled to do as they like, and it’s up to everyone else to clean up after them.
So here are a few phrases you may have heard. Genuine people can say these things also. With a narcissist, it’s a repeat pattern of behaviour where they’re looking for someone else to blame.
“It’s your fault.” Whatever they’ve been caught out on, whatever proof you have, they will always find a way to twist it straight back on to you, how somehow it was your fault, to escape the consequences of things they actually do to you.
“What do you want me to do about it.” They’re blaming no one, but they’re not going to be held responsible, so by using this statement, they’re going to do nothing, and you are the one who needs to sort it out.
“Deal with it.” They believe they are entitled to do as they please. It’s up to you to get on with it.
“You’re just too sensitive.” No, you are not. You will usually have got a perfect reason to be upset, as a narcissist lacks the empathy to care, the narcissist will not accept blame, they want you to question your feelings and not their behaviour, you’re too sensitive leaves you to question if you’re overreacting, so you to feel insecure, so you don’t ask them again.
“No, I didn’t.” They did, but they’ll never admit to something they did. They want to gaslight you into questioning your memory, doubting your reality.
“If you hadn’t.” Finding fault with you, so again, the original question isn’t answered, and you’re left wondering about your own actions.
“If you looked after me more, I wouldn’t go elsewhere.” Even though they’ve cheated on you, if you ask again about the affair, they’ll just respond with something like. “I’ve already told you why.” Also, getting you to question yourself and try harder to please.
“It’s only messages. At least I’m not cheating.” They probably are cheating, but they’ll not admit that. They are definitely looking for a new source of supply.
“You’re overreacting.” Actually, no, you’re not, and no, you haven’t. They again just want to shift attention off themselves and over to you.
“I love you.” They don’t even know how to love themselves, let alone others; they just want to exploit you for whatever you’ve got that they want or need, so they’re going to claim they love you, then blame you when they mistreat you, so you question if it was your fault, if your overreacting, so they don’t have to change their behaviour.
“That didn’t happen.” Yes, it did. They just enjoy rewriting history to escape accountability and watching you doubt yourself more.
“That wasn’t my fault.” It was totally their fault, but remember, they can not be accountable.
“I’m going here with xy and z tonight. I told you last week.” Nope, they didn’t tell you. Again they just want to confuse you. Sometimes they may be going where they say, and there will be those times they might want you to pick them up. Most of the time, it’s just more lies.
“If you hadn’t, then I wouldn’t.” They probably got you so down, so you reacted, then they blamed you. Again all to mess with your mind.
“If you loved me, you would.” Guilt trip to break down your boundaries.
“They’re only a friend. You read too much into everything.” No, actually, you don’t. Your instinct is telling you something if they have narcissist traits or abuse you, run for the hills and never look back.
“Why do you have to spoil everything.”You didn’t actually cause a problem, and they probably did something to get a reaction from you.
“You make everything so difficult” that’s usually when you’ve worked out what they are, and you’re no longer reacting, your only responding, and now they are struggling to get any emotions from you.
“That’s just like you.” When you’ve found your boundaries, and you’re sticking to them.
“You need a mental evaluation.” No, you just need to get away from the narcissist, heal and recover.
“You’re selfish.” Again no, you’re not sticking to your own boundaries.
“You’re too hung up on your past relationships.” Well, if you’ve dated a few narcissists, that could be true. Either way, your instinct is telling you to run.
“I’d never hurt you.” Nope, they’ll just steal your mind, heart and health, possibly your home and children, then walk into the sunset with someone new, but to the narcissist, it’ll be all your fault.
“You’re insecure.” No, your instincts are screaming at you, but thanks to the narcissist’s manipulation, you’re not sure what they are saying.
A narcissist has the mentality of a young child who has been caught red-handed, with a bar of chocolate in hand, knowing they shouldn’t have it. Still chewing on some, with it all down their top, hands and face covered. When you ask the child, have you eaten chocolate before your dinner? They may smile and say, “No.” or they claim their sibling got it for them, or they asked you, and you said yes, even though they never asked. A narcissist is just that of a child that never learnt why it’s wrong to lie blatantly. Most children lie out of fear, only human reactions, yet as they grow, they learn from mistakes, they learn and understand respect for each other and boundaries, and learn to say sorry, then change their behaviour so they don’t have a need to apologise for the same mistakes. Somewhere in a narcissistic world, they missed this step out and ended up in an adults body, throwing temper tantrums when they didn’t get their own way.
Things narcissistic people say to distract you from the truth.
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